Because I am fat now-a-days, during my lunch hour, I have started to go running. Well, today I decide to turn down a street I never have been down to go a longer route. BIG MISTAKE!

I'm jogging and minding my own business when I hear barking over my headphones. I casually turn my head to see what direction it is coming from. I look and see a black lab/ doberman looking dog barking at this door. So I just keep going until I hear the barking get louder. The dog ran out the front door... but he has this huge collar on so I think it's an invisible fence collar since the house didn't have a fence to begin with.

Not being stupid, I sped up just a bit while keeping my eye on the damn thing. Next thing I know, this dog is in a dead sprint right towards me. Now at this point, I have been running for about 2 miles and my calves and shins are killing me, but that didn't stop my fight or flight reflex. FLIGHT it was! Now I'm sprinting away from this thing and it's catching up fast (cheater, he has been in the house while I was out getting my cardio on). Man, I'm thinking some old Jackie chan shit and start loking for fences to run up but nothing is within plausible reach.

So I'm zigging and zagging like a gazelle in the wild and getting some distance when I see a car heading right for me. I get the bright idea of heading towards the car to see if the dog gets scared and flees when he sees something so big coming at him. Nope, the muthaf***a just keeps coming. I turn on the ninja skills and bust a parkour type manuever over the hood of this P.O.S. Honda (oh I saw you laughing at me, mr. rice burner, you!). The dog takes the long way around but is still coming.

That's when I see a pick up truck with a hard top. I dart for the damn thing at full tilt and make a superman (dat hoe) type dive on to the roof. As soon as I land I hear and feel a huge THUD! I gain composure and look down and see that the dog as taken a full face plant into the rear bumper. Now normally a dog would bark his ass off at you until he was tired or you came down. Not this one, he must have been hurt because he walked away, looked back, pissed himself and went back around the corner where his house was.

After about 5 minutes on top of the car and a fit of hysterical laughing (you'd laugh too no matter how much you just shit your pants), I decided to get my ass down and cut my run short for the day. Don't think I'll be going down that street again anytime soon.