I almost died today. I was almost the hood ornament of a big yellow semi-truck. This is that story.

I remember getting into the passing lane to pass the two semis. I checked my rearview and side mirrors out of habit and saw a beige Saturn flying up behind me. He must have been going 100 miles per hour...at least.

"Don't you dare rear end me, asshole," I thought to myself.

Thankfully, he passed me on the right side, then cut me off. I remember seeing a plastic bag fluttering out of one of the side windows. No. It was the side window. I remember dark brown or black hair and dark tan skin. My mind obviously veers straight toward someone Hispanic..or Latino...or Mexican...whatever fucking politically correct term is best. Anyway, it came to mind.

"Asshole," I thought to myself.

Not because of their race. But because of his unsafe driving. Plus, I have road rage brought on second-hand.

Then, one of the semis pulled out in front of him, blocking his path. Unfortunately, this affected me as well as the Saturn driver. I was reduced to the horrible crawling speed of 70 miles per hour. I remember the Saturn in front of me. I remember how he was tapping the brakes on the interstate. Isn't the speed limit 75 miles per hour? I check. It is. So why brake?

Finally, the semi driver passed the other semi and pulled back into the right lane. I expect the Saturn driver to blast off and regain his previous speed. What was it? 110? But he doesn't. He holds at 75 or just a little over. I'm ok with this. He can keep pulling ahead and I can pass the yellow semi I've been stuck next to for the past couple of miles.

Suddenly, he holds his brakes as we are passing in the left lane. I'd long since been waiting for something like this. His speed tipped me off in the beginning and I had been trying to be cautious. But I wasn't prepared for this.

As he holds his brakes and we pass over a bridge, he turns on his left turn signal.

"Aw, how thoughtful," I think sarcastically.

The only problem here is that he is in my way and the yellow semi-truck is blocking my only escape. And now, I'm coming right up on his ass.What can I do? It's too late to slam on the brakes and the ABS isn't working anyway. Then, as if a voice from above shouted it straight into my ear:

"CRASH AVOIDANCE!"

I carefully pulled the wheel to the right to drive around the man as he was making his stop to make an illegal U-turn through the ditch in the median. My awesomeness was shattered when I heard my mother screaming bloody murder.

What was she saying? Am I? Am I?

"SEMI!"

I suddenly remember the bright yellow titan coasting only a foot away from the side of my parents' Malibu. I can't risk bumping into him. The crash could result in bumps in bruises or death. I didn't want either and my mother woud be the likely candidate for both. But I couldn't panick.

"SEMI!" she shouts again. "SEMI! SEMI! SEMI!"

I can see her crawling over to my side of the car in an attempt to put more distance between her and the bright yellow truck.

I slowly and gently pull the wheel back to the left but not so much as to rear end the Saturn. Why was he taking so long with that turn, anyway? We were still going 65 miles per hour.

I drove over the white lines until I was past the danger. The semi blew past us and I noticed he had to pull over onto the shoulder to allow us room. Thank God for him.

I feel my mother throw her arm into the backseat as she flips off the man who cannot see her. The man who almost caused our deaths.

Once we got home, my mother told me that I had only inches of room between the semi and myself and the Saturn.

The only cool thing about this story? I know it wasn't my time to die. You're the most alive the second before you die. Your life flashes before your eyes like your body is anticipating it. Then, if you're lucky, you pass on.