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Monster



Last Updated: 11/30/2009

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Gender: Female
Status: In a Relationship
Age: 19
Sign: Leo

State: Connecticut
Country: US
[17 Apr 2008 | Thursday] 

Current mood:  indifferent
Category: Life
So I honestly don't know if I should be concerned with myself or not.
Things that used to bother me, even kill me, barely phase me at all. I've been used and abused more than I addmitt, it used to kill what selfesteem I had. Now its like I'm just on auto-piolet all the time, like I'm just kinda living without feeling. I've gone back to a lot of bad habbits, ciggarettes, weed, being self distructive.. I dont really care either...and I feel like I should, its weird to think about and even explain. As much as I try and I do hold onto things around me, there only a few things I really need, almost all of them are out of reach. I dont understand how despite I can care so little about myself and feel so numb so much that I still care about everyone around me, regardless the problem regardless if I havent talked to them in months. I really want to feel something for more than five seconds or I want to turn off my brain forever. I wish I was oblivious to everything goin on in my life and everything that ever happened, but I'm not, or will I ever be. I need to be underestimated, and I just go with it..its amusing, but I don't know...just some thoughts...I'll definitely add more later when I can think again...
3:17 AM
 
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