CRAZY

It used to be the sound of his voice that made me go crazy

 Now it's his voice that I don't hear that has the same effect

He told me of the future we would have together from day one

I must admit in those early years I didn't believe him

I didn't think anyone could love me like that

 I remember he wrote me a poem called "Driving me Crazy" when we hadn't spoke in a while, and that was the main theme of the poem, how it was driving him crazy that we had drifted apart

I used to read and re-read it and try to analyze every line, not believing that little ol' me could be that unforgettable

It felt like a movie, where the romantic ending would have us walking off in the sunset on a beach somewhere with the words "Happily ever after" written across the screen/ Now I can barely hold my head up because the sorrow is so heavy

I miss him, and maybe I didn't let him know how much I love him...

And maybe I didn't show him how appreciated he was

Maybe it was me who didn't voice it

But I did feel it

In my own little insecure ways I loved that man like he was God's special gift to me

I stared at the words he would write me

but I wouldn't talk to him about it

I don't know why.... I guess because I'm just an insecure person and I let my past experiences of being torn down by men taint my efforts with this man

But I did what I could

I loved him purely, with my whole heart

I listened to every word he said

even when his intellect surpassed mine

I sat in awe of this wonderful man as he told me things needed to change, which I interpreted as I needed to change

He never said I did anything wrong/ but I sure as hell didn't do them right and the opposite of right is? Exactly... So that's how I felt

And I wanted so desperately to be perfect for him/ he deserved that

he deserved that and so much more

But the more I tried, the more I focused on the wrong things and the more he asked me to stop trying

So I began to think back to the way we fell in love

What made him want me so badly that he would write ferociously and passionately to entice me

And maybe it was the disbelief that someone like him could love someone like me but right now all I know is I've pushed those things about myself out of my mind and I can't figure out for the life of me why he loved me

So I keep going at it

keep loving

keep thinking

keep praying

keep trying;

 afraid to stop for a minute because he may realize that I'm not the prettiest

I'm out of shape

and that I can't remember what he fell in love with.

I guess he had enoughEnough of my not changing because I'm stuck in my ways (the downfall of the Taurus)

He had enough of me not voicing my love and affection for him

He had enough of me not showing my appreciation for him

So now I'm all alone

no one to laugh and smile with

No one to admire and show affection for

And now I listen to old tracks he made for me and let the sound of his voice that I'm missing, drive me CRAZY