Yeah...so Tia and Raven were over at my house last night, and Tia brought a copy of Left 4 Dead with her. While Tia and I played split-screen co-op, Raven typed a transcript of what we were saying. Perhaps out of boredom? Either way, it's pretty much the shit. :D

(If you're easily offended, you might not want to read. XD)
(Louis, Zoey, Francis and Bill = game characters.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

HUNTER, HUNTER.

Yeahh.

I have no idea

Explore

Die
Face

In here
Rooms

Yeah, I'm walking away

Shit zombie

How did i…?

I could have
What is that

OH SHITT!

Right around the corner

FRANCIS!!

Help here.

Shh.

:: gargling noises::


Lucky.

Just follow me.
Ew.
Startled the witch.


Reload.
Forgot.
See her from here
Ewww
WHAT?! HUNTER!

Kinda shot you

I don't care.
Rather you shot me than the witch ripping my flesh off.



In like a crevice?

GODD!!
EVERYWHERE, FUCK THIS!!
OMG, WE'RE GETTING PORCHED
GLITCHING
Get the hell off
Yo yo.

Alright, we're good.
This game is ridiculous!
Over here, on top of this car.
Weapons, over here.
Wheres the ammo?
A rifle if you want ammo.
TANK!!!
S-sh-sh-SHIT!!
Check this out.
A hunter just killed me while I was t- bagging the tank!
Safe house! Over there!

Close the door please.
Just blasted her in the head.
These zombies are just going in
That bastar pretended to be dead, then got up!

OH SHIT.
Back IT up!
HAVE SOME DINNER!
Ow ow ow
FIRE bad!!

RELOADING!
Obama's going in too, cause hes OH SHIT.
WHAAAT?!
Come back here you honkey mother fucker GET PISTOLED.
Is that the hunter?
Nah, it's a P.O, just shoot him anyways

Ahh, that's how I reload.
What the hell?
O.D.ING up there
Porch monkeys.
Just keep swimming, just keep swimming
BILL!!!
Omg, maybe we should help him?
He was in a freaking tree.
Couldn't see him,
I took his first aid.
WHAT?! Now I'm gonna die.
Fuck thissss
DINNER dinner dinner dinner.
BURN, baby, BURN
What is behind me? Flaming crack on a stick!

:: moaning::
Yeah, it's a boomer.
It SPITS on me!
Yeah, hes down there, shot him shoot him shoot him.
Seems like hes fucking porching it.
I don't wanna go down here, but
WOAHHH
Why was he creaming?
I think I'm good.
THANK YOU, francis.
Heyyyy, I have flame
FUCK you.
Haha, he lost his head over it.

Oh, hey.
Three in here, dude
Oh, its just gasoline.
Even though hes still a bill on Capitol Hill.
Nahh this is new.
Fall over train tracks
LOOK OUT OH SHIT
FUCK YOU IN YOUR HOUSE
RELOADING
BOOMBOOMBOOM.
Fuck you in your houuuusesss.
BOOMBOOMBOOMBOOM!
My AR is so low.
Yeaah, that works
BOOMBOOMBOOMBOOM!
I'm climbing up here, cause I can
What about raping someone?
Yeah, we have to fight the
OH SHIT
Fuck this.
BOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMreloading!!
Track are blocked.
Her we go.
Lets watch! This is gonna be fun
:: snarling:
OH DINNER!

BOOMER!

Oh, well, then I'll take the front.
That's what she said.
HERE HE COMES.
Go back to Capitol Hill.
BOOMBOOM
Heyy, I got a pistol.
HOLY SHIT
OH MY GAWD!!
Seeing as its quiet and down now
BOOMBOOMBOOMBOOM
:: SNARLING::
SLAVE HOUSE?!
Just cause you're black.
Don't close the door yet.
I'm gonna lose the pack
Snipe.
I don't want it.
Dead cow.
LOCK the DOORS.
Oh yeah, I fucked shit up.
Ohh, I suck.
I bitch slapped it with a shotgun
You're getting porched to high heaven.

::sigh::
Okay, I like it.
Pistol!
Going in
LOOK.
Can't shoot until zombies are around.
Dinner?
Get OUT of my FACE!
Glunka!
Get some
SECOND PISTOL!
Now he gets to fuck
HOP OFF.
OH SHIT I hot the tank
I blew it up.
:: hacking up a lung::
Starts and fires.
Smokey the bear does NOT approve.
We in the attic.
No, I ust jumped outta there anyway
TRACKS ARE DOWN
: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWR!::
ITS ON THE ROOF! SHOOT THE P.O.!
Fuck you, bill.
Faggot. I hate that word, why am I using it?
JESUS CHRIST!
PLEEEASEEEEE!
Just keep shooting it.
Yes, thank yo, Tia.
GOD DAMMIT.
Small.
OOH, lets shoot the car!
Broke the window with her body.
Physics engine,
Involves crazy shit.
I think it's a smoker
OH GOD, HE CAN JUMP! ;]

Well, now you failed.
I dunno, its all I got.
Then you went the wrong way.
Circle
Prett much
OLD BITCH
What she wasss.
Ladder!
Walk into it.
She did that?
Make yourself fucking lovely
PILLS ARE HERE!
Tank?
Boomer.
Cock monkey.
Hes—what the hell?
Type faster, dammit
I got him.
AR.
:: breaking windows::
Louis, that was so black.
Tank came out of nowhere right now, wouldn't that be funny?
NO, I'D BE PISED
Hahahahahhaa!
BITCH! TIA, HELP ME THE FUCK OUT.
You suck. Ass clown.
She ran away, youre fine. I'm DEAD, you idiot.
I can't wait to read this.
"everyone inside" GET IN,
I wanna try sniping
BOOMBOOMBOOM
Oh, that's pretty arccurate,
HEAD SHOT
I wont get in your way but I'd like to open the door
Popping their heads off.
Get out of my gene pool
Boomboomboom.
I just his head just exploded.
Behind you Tia!
:: sigh::
EAD UP
GET THE HELL
Okay.
:: laughs::
I thought youwere a Zombie
Flashlight
Okay
OH
WASN'T EVEN CLOSE
I mean, after all, I did help with the witch
Hey look, a witch!
I'm getting out of there
Smoker.
His tongue is like
Never ending.
Kill that bitch
What IS that coming from?
She sounds very angry.
Want me to heal you?
Want me to shoot this guy in the head?
HUNTER!
Oh, where are you?
OH, this is gonna be fucking fn.
Uh, uh
Cue the fucking bizarre music
I know
BOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOM
Dude I really like
Ah, fuck him in his eye
BILL IS ALWAYS GETTING ATTACKED
O.D.ING.
Poor bill.
Hey, bro, you want some health?
Ahh, that's grimey.
No it wasn't!
Where the fuck is this, Pringles?
Yeah, once you pop, you can't stop.
Faggots.
Fire.
Oh fruck.
I wish you could light these things on fire.
What?
Oh, hey, I see a clearing
FUCK YOU AND YOUR HOUSE
BOOMBOOMBOOMBOOOM
Aren't YOU a barrel roll?
Military broadcast.
Probably die
COWS.
Reloading!
Oh it's a big dark corner
Bloody?
I doubt that your head explodes.
EH! EH!
Wheres that broadcast?
Wheres the black zombies?
Prolly out stealing VCRs
They have DVDS now.
They're traditionalist!
What the FUCK man!
Shut the fuck up and sit the fuck down
I just do that, its not me being an asshole
Its over here, the broadcast.
Jesus Christ
I'M TRYING TO GET IN
Summon a rescue
What the HELL mate!
That's a TOASTER, not a radio.
You guys SUCK.
I dunno where I have to go to get rescued.
Halo is really gay if you play it all day.
Family members.
Very much
Ehh, I don't know.
I'm not used to rules and stuff
WHAT
HUNTER HUNTER, PLEASE
Thank you.
See, I help!
Yeah, this time.
WOAH, CHILL OUT
How did he get me?!
I'm just gonna shoot stuff, if I shoot you, sorry.
Are you infected?
UH OH, UH OH
Great flaming
Its too quieeet.
Where are our friends?
Fuck friends I HEAR A BOOMER
Or a tank.
Bill
The ground is shaking
WOAH
WOAH
Hes gonna pummel me
We got him
OH my GOD
But I just got vomited on, so I'm gonna die.
We're good.
I'm just waiting ammo
Fuck that boomer!
WHAT?!
WHAT?!
Okay Bill, I guess you don't have to go back to capitol hill.
GET OUT OF ME!
Bee are bee (brb)
Good to go.
WOAH! Chill out!
CHILL bee.
THAT'S it
Why would I wanna be in this room?
Where's the door?
The doors fucking closed
OH
I'm going to take my solitary pose.
Nine pages.
Sorry francis.
I neeed ammo
BOOMBOOMBOOMBOOM
SOMKER SMOKER
I like this game
We're getting rushed again
These guys just don't quit
FUCK outta my house
BOOMER
I think I pissed them off
Freaking lunatics
Dude this is epic
Indeed it is.
Help me
I'm doing the best I can!

SMOKER, SMOKER
Way in my face.
Oh god.
What is this noise I hear?
BOOMER
We're all gonna fucking die
It'll be okay.
UH OH, UH OH
I'm fine
Just UGGHH!
How long do we have to do this for?
Oh, you just have to TANK
Please don't kill me, boomer
FUCK.

:: raaaaaaaaaaaaaawr!::

THEY ARE O.D.ING
This is crazy!

UHmmm, no
Ahhh
MOANING::
Wait, am I crouching?
You look like a black man
Would you KNOCK IT OFF?!
I got this
HOT INDEED
TANK!
Right infront of me!
I see that big lug of man, I SEE IT, I SEE IT
Get off of francis, you sick bastard!
Tank
Ladder, o shit
HELP ME
HANG ON
OH, SMOKER, WHYYY
I can't see anything
Oh, okay, I can see
What about getting on the floor?
Smoker

Smack my bitch up

Keep moving

:: broadcasting::
found a house
Oh, I know how to get there
Don't talk tome just yet
DON'T YOU DO IT
Believe it!
Alright
Cocktail.

Mother fucker
Kicks
Kid tested?
Mother fucker
Door closed.

Wait for me? Let them come to us
We don't do jack shit

GAY SEX
Oh, he's healing you, then I put the light on you and it looks just WRONG
Any time you ready.
Watermelon? Lets go.
BITCH
You shot me!
CLOSE
The DOOR
It is, its just got a hole chopped through it
OH MY GOD
Get the hell away from me
NO
Haha!
I ran away from YOU, bitch.
You left me!
LEFT for DEAD
Got'em.
Yeah, have fun Zoey.
Jeeze, they're just pissed at you.
They're attracted to
ZOMBIFIED BOOBS

Lmao
Erotica.

BOOMBOOMBOOM
Hablrahgubrahbrahgoograh.

Hahahaha
That would be dandy
TANK
This is where you screw up.

You wanna fuckin go?
GOT HIM!
I helped kill him
Nah, you fail.
Don't make me eat you for dinner.
What is that?
HUNTER
It looks os terrible

Aw man, he made a hole in the wall
Stupid mother fucker
HUNTER!

I'll help you
Fucked him up

:: gunshots::

I gotta find a place to heal.
I'm going to the bathroom.
COVER me, SON
OH FUCK.
Zombies here, zombies there, zombies ev- er-y-whereee.

Shoot you.
What was that?
Something that we need to kill
I agree.

BOOMER
TANK!!
Fucking shit up here in the kitchen
Rumblin in my bones
SMOKER
Zombie BAIT LIKE jailbait
AH FUCK
I wish there was a way to RUN FASTER IN THIS GAME
FUCKING BOOMERS!!

DAMMIT
Ahhh, YEAHH.

This game makes me want to piss myself.

In memory of player one.

Typing pixie.

I'm a man.
You can change it later.
Thanks for nothing.

I wouldn't like that. I don't want to do anything with you.
We'll do that later.
Hey, cop car, that's the BEST place to get supplies.

WOAH
Zombie nigs
When zombies attack niggers.

NOOOOOOfail.
You got porched!
I guess I broke myself.
Punch you in the face.
Smartass.

UUUUGHHH
TYPE TYPE TYPE TYPE

::giggling from bryan::



Get your freaking finger out of my face.
Mother.
Random.
:: clearing of the throat::
I guess I'LL SAVE YOU.

OH, I thought you killed bill, you sick man
JESUS Zoey,
Smoker
Herpies herpies herpies
If I die again
You're really getting ass fucked right now, aren't you?

No mercy

Left for porch.

OH JESUS

WHAT THE COCKROAH?!?!?
Fifty Zombies just fell through
Cockbites
I said thank you

PIPE BOMB

: gunshots::
FUCK thisss
Get out my face, fucking business man
WOAH. CHILL.

OFF, you stupid skank

Whst was THAT tia?
I didn't mean to SHOOT him, though

OH god oh god

You have gum?

Not on me

I'LL BE RIGHT BACK
Take a break

That's realy smart

Spiffy mother fucker

Oh there you guys are


I wanna kill him

I wanna kill him

Oh, this is a safe room

I have a drawr full of gum

You're like a squrill
I have a lot of nuts, what can I say?
Can you not be so freaky?

:gargling noises::
They want our freaking blood.

: laughing::
stick his hands thrugh the door

Don't make me shoot you.

Blood BLOOD bluh- d.

I don't think this game is bloody enough.
You can turn up the violence.

Oh FUCK

Profanity from tia.

Shut up you freaking freaks!
OMG HELP ME
I need my PILLS

Get the NIGGER off

Dead bodies
Great

BOOMER

Que

QUEEN PADRIANA!

Chiil, Bee
Get the fuck off the ladder, ho.

Suck.
I wanna go inside of this nastynes.
Its better than being eaten by zombies
IS THAT A WITCH, OF FUCK
I can't believe you.
Don't apologize for her sins
I don't want your goddamn hug, you Rican.
GOD DAMMIT
I am SCARED
Shit shit shit
Because I have bad aim.
I'm glad I'm dead.
The lucky ones die first
Hey, look, its me.Yayy, hi there friend.


I am not a bundle of sticks or a brittish cigarette.
Hes so dreamy
Even though hes a tattooed biker.

These zombies drop down like hot cakes

What if a zombie came out of your toilet? WHAT WOULD YOU DO
ITS TEMPORARY!

Butt sex

I'm sorry.
RELOADING

I just got stopped buy this polan car.

Did you see that?
Gimme some of that.

Woah, chill with that shit
Where the freaking health?

I LOVE THAT
Dumbasses

Nope. I have a piper
They are freaking sleeping right ther
GET OFF OF ME

You are my IDOL

Get the FUCK off

Alright
I just fell
GET IN THE FUCKING CAR.
The FUCK was that?

Can you close the door?
You are so RUDE.

Nnt tss nnt tss nnt tss.

Oops
You made me hit a button
Grimes
Stop it!
Ohh, fuck you all



You guys are crazy
Boom chackalaka BOOM shaka laka

WITCH
Get the hel out.
I'm gonna go up here

Found her.
:: crying??::

I'm teling you, Francis is the dreamiest mother fucker I've ever met.
I'm sorry I have a sarcastic voice.

SMOKER.

:: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHWR::

WOAH WOAH WOAH
I'm sorry, I didn't KNOW

Chaos!
RELAODING

I think we should keep it going.

She sounds like a retarded person crying
She IS
BOOMER


Fuck do you think you're going?

She might be ontop of a rail car.

BRYAN!!

Then she lunged at me, like I startled.

My ass hurts


Was one of them having an orgasm?

FUCK man!
HEAL ME NOWW
Thank you, ZOEY.
FUCKface.

Boomer

Good job francis
Oh SHIT

Omg
Where is it?
All around me.

Hah, switch it on.
Get the fuck off of francis you sick bastard
Oh shit, francis!

HUNTER
Dammit

Guys, I just wanna let you know
I got him
Francis, don't run away from me I love you

Greg
What?

LETS GO TO SCHOOL


Church bus
OH SHIT
That was so close
What what IN THE BUTT

Smoker
I got him.

Youre a sly mother fucker

I GOT YOU
What is he, you're nigger?

Yeah, hes my nig nig

I will shoot you like back in the day

Shoot first think later
I love laboring

Little slut

HAHAHAHA, dick

FEEL THIS
I GOT A PIPER
USEIT
I'M TRYING
So throw it at ME whatdon'tyou

Dirty man.
Dirty nigger.
Oh, CLEVER

OH
MY
GODD

Spirit fingers

Shes retarded
HELP ME

AH FUCK

He exploded on me

I'm just gonna stand on this toilet and shoot everyone.

HEY, man, that's not COOL

Don't touch francis, I GOT IT

HEALTH
I need it
Yo, chill bee
Radio

That was great.

Theres health in the ambulance
OH SHIT

Yeah, I saw that rigt as it was happening

Yeah, it got stuck inside

STOP FUCKING DOING THAT, TIA
YOU PORCH MONKEY
I hate you.

That smokers tongue was great.

another witch.
If I get mauled by her


I'm in here inside the house

Oh shit

DING DONG


OH SHIT hes behind me.
DUDE, his TONGUE

YOU FREAK OF NATURES

I'm dead.

Oh my god I'm still alive.

Get inside
Get in the fucking room
No you asshole

WE ARE NICE
I flamed on her.

head crab zombies

where sthe ammo?

Piss on their graves

Nah, I just want some freaking shit

WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ANYBODY

Wil you stop anally raping her?

Pee all over the place

Uno momento

Will you stop fucking moving me?!
Shoot you in the fucking skull

Dipshit
I'm gonna snipe you

Cockwrestler


You're not special!

I'm sorry.
You made me cry
Oh, c;mon

Sweaty balls

I'm sweating like a child molester in the middle of a day care center.


BOOMER
Oh fuck.
I'm dead, I'm dead.

I love this game sometimes.

I was DONE

Curb monkeys.

A yellow fire hydrant?

Yelling at me then blow someones head off

You know? DINNER
There's a hunter jumping after you just to let you know.

What are we doing about these gay guys?
Fuck.

Hey whats this?
DIGGERS
TANK
Nigger

PIZZA IN THE OVEN

Don't give me these pain pills, I'm not a druggie

Are you seriously serious right now?

Pizza? Pizza? PIZZA?!

For some odd reason, my guns not coming out

HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO SEE THE SCHOOL COUNCELOR?
Boom bitch.
Broke back bryan borack obana.

OH GOD

That was horrifying.

You shot me!

Nah, you walked into my aim of fire.

I was helping, though,

No you distracted them.

DINNER.
FUCKING fuck face.

Stop fucking shooting me
I didn't shoot you!
No, but you did.

Clever in the carrr.

You mind?!

I was still in the process of—have fun with him

Oh shit.

:: gunshots::

why does the gun sound like a sex toy when you reload it?

Hentaii
Oh SHITT
FUCKK

Watch where you shoot!

I'm SORRY, francis I thought you were DREAMY.

Damn you porch monkeys, go back to the seven eleven!

Gigidy gigidy alrightt

LIVE OR DIE

Machine gunnn


Now THIS is a big ass machine gun!!

Wow, that was realy slow.

I suck at that!
Cock monkey

SOMEBODYSAVE MEEEE

Smallville.

BOOMER, WHY?!?!?!?

Francis get out my face.

Omg I'm dying

OHSHIT

GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU CRAZY NIGGER!!!!

I helped. :D

Why are they hurting me?!
Because they're ZOMBIES

Thank god they don't have dental bills.

You know the black person is supposed to be killed first.
::burping::

Boomer down there.

Witch!

If I had a fire bomb

You fell off the roof, didn't you, you idiot.
Where is he?

I bet the witch is in here.
You bet right so you can take care of it

Look at me limping.
I can see obama fighting zombies

OH SHIT
WE ARE BAMFs man!


Because we're next to death mode.
I can totally die

I really NEED to get some first aid
SMOKER
::gasp:: I WILL HELP YOU.
Zoey's a bamf.

Flame yourself.

Molotov, mother fucker

PIZZA?
Boathouse finale

GIVE THE BLACK GIRL A CHANCE.

:: burp:: ::sigh::
porching it up there.

I can picture that.

What a bunch of cock grabbers.

Hentai.

COME GET IT
WTF

Your foot is very warm, raven

OH NOEZ
Hunter!!

Ohshit

Warfare!

OH GOD
SMOKER
I'm down.
Get the FUCK up.

Peal me up.

SMOKER

Dinnerrr

OPEN UP
You're black, aren't you?

Cause 'm black, I have to do things the difficult way.

PILLS HERE

Where sthe health?
HUNTER
Stop loving each other!
HES the one who jumped ontp of me!
BAD ZOMBIE

I KNOW TAUGHT YOU BETTER THAT THAT


:snarling::
TANK

TANK YOU CRAZY NIGGER

RELOADING
I'LL HELL
I helped

Damn, man

ZOEY, YOU SEE, I LOVE YOU

Oh, how generous of you.
Future freaks me out. What the heck?

HOLY SHIT.

DINNER

Jesus!

FUCK YOUUU
I killed his ass!.
Ohmygodimfucked.
SOMEONEHELPME

Zoey's getting railed.

Clementines.

ALRIGHTY THEN
Muffins
Bye bye

Okay, I have a pipe bomb.

Zoey get up here, I DON'T WANT TO BE UP HERE ALONE.

I'm forcing you.
Alright.
OH COCK.
Sattle on up, homies
:: raging gunshots::
LAGGING, LAGGIN

Zombie cher, that's great

Is that a smoker?

Seeing as it fucked you up, I'd assume.

I wish had rock band

I'm sorry, I did not notice you.

PIPE BOMB, WATCH OUT

Yeah, I did something right
Seriously
Hah, whatever

Bee are bee
OHHH, Is that a tanker?
SHIT, that is a tank.

I wish I had a Molotov.

CRAZY nig nig!

ZOEY, if you open the door
Why did she open the door? You rude bitch
BOOM BOOM BOOM every time we drop the bomb
HOP THE FUCk OFF.
Behind you

Do a barrel roll.

It looked like you just got chainsawed gears of war style.

I killed him.
Was that his intestines behind him?
I think its his tongue

HUNTER

TANK! Or a boomer

AHHHH, MY BALLS

Nasty ass bile bitch

I can't se where the smoker is

I saved zoey

Help zoey up, zoey can help herself

I REMEMBER NOW

NOO
THERES ANOTHER TANK
Oh shit!

DO SOMETHING, tank bitch!

I'M SURROUNDED.


Fuck all of you.

Oh god, that made me horny. ;)


Woah his heads misshapen like WOAH
It was prolly like that before he turned into a zombie.

Why are these guys like right on me? What are they, Jamaican track stars?

I'm not a part of the black society.

Tell Zoey shes nothing but a cockmaid.
That's a smoker.
THEN IT GETS NO MERCY.

There wasn't a second one this time?

WHAAAAAAAAAT?!

OHJEEZE, it was still alive

BILE

28 pages.

ON THE FIRST DAY OF CHRISTMAS MY FATHER GAVE TO ME

WHY ARE THEY ATTACKING ME SO VERY VICIOUSLY?!?!?

That looks wrong.
Next time lets use the freaking mini van, maybe,

THERES A ZOMBIE RIGHT THERE, ALRIGHT.
Close that GODDAMN door.
Fuck you, francis.

CLIMBING THE WALLS, man.
spot the celebrity zombie look alikes!

Ashton kutcher!
PIPEBOMB

Watch out, theres fire.
FIRE BAD.

Did you just shoot him in the crotch?

THEY WERE UNDER THE DOCKS!
HUNTER

You're going to die, but it'll look cool.

I'm gonna set the dock on fire
We NEED this dock
WHAT THE HECK

HES THROWING SHIT
SMOKER
Don't shoot me