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Current mood:  triumphant Category: News and Politics
* WARNING* the following may destroy any sexy fantasies you may have been having about me. Continue at your own risk.You may not know this, but apparently, I snore. I myself did not know this for YEARS, as apparently I am so darn cute that no one I have ever lived or bunked with has felt comfortable revealing this fact to me until James, and he only very recently. And probably only because he is an insomniac and every bit of sleep lost to my snoring adds to the pile of murderous intent building in his subconscious. So rather than be murdered in my sleep, I have been trying valiantly to rectify the situation since being made aware of it.First attempt: sprays. These products include Rite-Aid Anti-Snore throat spray and Breathe Right Snore Relief. Both allegedly "lubricate throat tissues to minimize vibrations and control the snoring sound". Unfortunately, neither has any effect. Second attempt: septum-pinchers. Silent Snooz by Incredible Scents is a device that clips onto your septum like a clip-on nosering and allegedly opens the nasal passages to allow freer breathing and reduced snoring. This worked fairly well for one or two nights, reducing but not eliminating the (my - ugh) snoring. Unfortunately, the device either stretched or I became accustomed to it and it was not getting James the sleep he (so desperately) needs.James began researching the snoring issue online and was highly disturbed by all of the pictures of some fat husband sawing logs while his frustrated petite wife sits awake glaring at him. Reverse sexism?, says I. It's all sexism, says he. In his research he found a rather frightening-looking device, the Pure Sleep system (as seen on TV). After much fussing and crying I ordered it. The fussing and crying were because I have issues with clenching and grinding my teeth (to the point that I have caused myself to need two root-canals and I have NO desire to go for a third) and I have to wear a mouthpiece for that. I was afraid that the Pure Sleep system would throw a monkey-wrench into my works. I got the system but was too scared to try it, as the enclosed packaging said that if you had had dental work within two YEARS of trying this thing, you should not use it. So I sent it back and went back to nose-pincher.It got to the point where we were talking about my snoring once a week, I was really humiliated and sad about it, and James was telling me he might have to sleep in the guest room. His parents do this (his dad snores - BIG TIME), but for me it is not acceptable and makes me feel like some kind of animal, totally unlovable and disgusting. Don't tell me I am melodramatic, I think we all know that, but seriously, this was a big deal.I poked around a LOT online, did an ASSLOAD of research and found... da da dada... R.I.P. Snore. This device is similar to the Pure Sleep, but I saw actual testimonials from people who ground their teeth and used this and not only stopped snoring but grinding their teeth as well. I felt hope. I ordered the device. They sent two for the price of one Pure Sleep.The package arrived the day before I was having an out-of-town guest over to spend the weekend. I did not want my guest to hear me snoring away, so I opened it up right away and did the fitting. Take the mold, hold it in boiling water, move your lower jaw forward as far as is comfortable, bite the thing, wait (ouch ouch ouch that's hot but it's ok), take it out, hold it in ice water and you're done. I tried it that night and NO SNORING! Also, because of the way it is made, I could NOT grind my teeth (I could not even touch my back teeth together because of this thing in my mouth). However, the next morning there was some pretty intense jaw pain. They said that might happen and it could take some getting used to, so I sucked it up. The next week was the same, waking in the morning and not really being able to open my mouth comfortably, but the reports from the James front were awesome - NO SNORING! I have a pretty high tolerance for pain, especially dental pain, so I didn't really mind, but when my boss called me the other morning and asked, "Are you awake?" because my speech was a little stiff because my JAW was a little stiff, I thought I might try the second mold. They send you two, right? So yesterday I did the second one (I didn't re-do the first because it was WORKING; you can re-do them up to three times each, though, which is cool) and I didn't affect such a massive underbite as the first time. I hoped it would still work.SUCCESS! This morning, James reported a tiny bit of snoring when I first went to bed but that was because I was not on my pillow properly (or at all). Once settled in like a human in a bed, I was silent. All Night Long. And this morning, no pain! This, we can live with.So, my friends, if you snore or if you know someone who snores and ESPECIALLY if you love someone who snores, get them the R.I.P. Snore. You will all be so happy.
10:58 PM
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