If you're not married yet, share this with a friend. If you
are married, share it with your spouse or other married
couples . . . and reflect on it.
An African proverb states,
"Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you
marry, close one eye."
Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone,
don't let lust, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure
from others or a low-self esteem make you blind to warning
signs.
Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can
change someone or that what you see as faults aren't really
that important.
Once you decide to commit to someone, over time their flaws,
vulnerabilities, pet peeves, and differences will become
more obvious.
If you love your mate and want the relationship to grow and
evolve, you've got to learn how to close one eye and not let
every little thing bother you.
You and your mate have many different expectations,
emotional needs, values, dreams, weaknesses, and strengths.
You are two unique individual children of God who have
decided to share a life together.
Neither of you is perfect, but are you perfect for each
other?
Do you bring out the best in each other?
Do you compliment and compromise with each other,
or do you compete, compare, and control?
What do you bring to the relationship?
Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past
mistrust, past pain?
You can't take someone to the altar to alter him or her.
You can't make someone love you or make someone stay.
If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and
"a life," you
won't find yourself making someone else responsible for
your happiness
or responsible for your pain.
Manipulation, control, jealousy, neediness, and
selfishness are not the
ingredients of a thriving, healthy, loving and lasting
relationship.
Seeking status, sex, wealth and security are the wrong
reasons to be in
a relationship.
What keeps a relationship strong?
Communication, intimacy, trust, a sense of humor,
sharing household
tasks, some getaway time without business or children
and daily
exchanges (a meal, shared activity, a hug, a call, a
touch, a note).
Leave a nice message on their voicemail or send a nice
email. Sharing
common goals and interests.
Growth is important.
Grow together, not away from each other, giving each
other space to
grow without feeling insecure. Allow your mate to have
outside
interest.
You can't always be together. Give each other sense of
belonging and
assurances of commitment. Don't try to control one
another. Learn
each other's family situation. Respect his or her
parents regardless.
Don't put pressure on each other for material goods.
Remember, for richer or for poorer. If these qualities
are missing, the
relationship will erode as resentment, withdrawal, abuse
, neglect,
dishonesty, and pain will replace the passion.
"Nurture your mind with great thoughts, for you will
never go any
higher than you think." The grass withers, the flower
fades, but the
word of God stands forever.
Isaiah 40:8
Shall we make a new rule of life from tonight:
Always try to be a little kinder than is necessary.
"The difference between 'united' and 'untied' is where
you put the "i."