I would like to drop kick the inventor of the horse-shoe
shaped toilet seat.
Hear me out here, and then I fully expect you to chime in
with your two cents worth (which really is only worth a fraction of that, but
only because of the economy these days.)
You have two basic types of toilet seats.
Type A
The fully enclosed seat that covers the entire bowl
Type B
The horseshoe shaped piece of shit that leaves the front rim
of the bowl wide open.
Whose idea was this?
Really. If I walk into a
bathroom and it has a horseshoe shaped seat, I’m really not all that eager to
sit down and take a leak. I think
about whether or not I can hold it a little longer.
Here’s the problem. Walk into a house full of typical men. Lift up the toilet seat. Look at the rim of the toilet. Would you want to touch that? Would you want to put your girlie bits
anywhere near that? Or, if you’re
a guy, would you want your junk dangling near it when you sit to take a
crap? Seriously?
The rim of a toilet bowl freaks me out, especially one THAT
close to the front. That’s the
section that will catch the most droplets of pee when you boys are shaking,
tapping, or strumming your instrument, or whatever it is you do in there.
So why oh WHY would I want to sit down on a seat where that
rim is exposed?
It’s not just the thought of my cooter being that close to
something so disgusting and vile.
Let’s face it, your junk will never REALLY touch that unlucky area. But you know what? When you take a pee, you’ve got to
wipe. This involves either
shifting your weight to lean forward, putting your arm behind you and under
your butt to wipe or attacking the soggy vag from the front. If you go in from the front, you run
the risk of dragging that toilet paper (or the back of your hand) right across
the ring of nastiness. And yet,
you’re still going to wipe your vajayjay with it, aren’t you?
Most of you do this without a thought, don’t you? Bet you’ll think twice now.
In the interest of fairness, it’s a problem with women
too. If a woman is a hoverer in a
public restroom, she may drip a bit in that same area and neglect to wipe of
the seat. Which causes me to
recoil in horror when I walk into that stall, and walk right back out without
doing my business.
I generally DO hover in a public rest room, but I’m a very
neat pee-er, I assure you. You’ll
recall I generally carry my own flushable wipes. Just ask Scilly about that. She can vouch for me as she’s used them. But I digress.
While the type A toilet seat harbors just as many germs, I
don’t have to THINK about them as much.
It’s just a more well thought out design. It covers the nasty, and gives you a happy “out of sight out
of mind” feeling when you go in to relieve yourself after a long day. Unless someone sprinkled when they tinkled. Then you just have to hope that they
were sweet and wiped the seat.
With a Lysol Wipe. Or some
bleach.
That’s what I’d like to see in public bathrooms - disposable rubber gloves, Lysol wipes
and people being responsible for their own urine. But that’s another blog entirely.
Your turn – horseshoe shaped or fully enclosed seats?