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quasi-high



Last Updated: 6/2/2009

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Gender: Female
Status: Single
Age: 25
Sign: Scorpio

City: Bham
State: Alabama
Country: US
Signup Date: 11/2/2006
[18 Nov 2007 | Sunday] 
I'm not ashamed of having stadards. I'm not ashamed of liking and falling for boys society feels are out of my league. I'm really not ashamed of very much in my life no matter how much I hate certain things about it and myself. Why do I feel bad about it then? Why do I really want to settle for a chance to feel?

Lord, I need some self-esteem. I need some validity. I need some way to not feel threatened. I'm not threatened by those I've grown especially close with over the years, don't get that wrong. I'm not threatened by most girls my age. I'm threatened by the younger, prettier ones, those who make light of passing comments of, "I don't want to be fought over again." That... that threatens what little slice of sanity I've managed to grab hold of. That threatens to tear me down, to kill me, to reduce me to a sobbing, worthless existence.

None of this is their fault, I know. They can't help it. It is on my envy and insecurity alone that I can place blame for feeling so inadequate. I also blame autumn.

This season, the changing from sunset at four hours until midnite to a quarter past five, the snap in the air that burns cheeks and leaves, psychedelic trees in coats of many colors... Yes, this season of dying spledor makes me wistful and sentimental.

"My fate is to live among varied and confusing storms. But for you perhaps, if as I hope and wish you will live long after me, there will follow a better age." ---Petrarch

I miss things and greatly. I guess I miss him and that's silly of me. Silly, silly girl.

I'll settle in the end, after all is said and accounted for. Here's to books that will never be written and conversations that will never begin. L'Chaim...
8:56 AM
 
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