A few years back ,I was on my way to do a guest set with a friend out at the Woody Guthrie festival out in Oklahoma . As it was more for fun and not a real gig , I thought it would be cool to take a Greyhound bus, just like I did when  I was 17 , where I  had an amazing adventure .  Besides with sky high gas prices it seemed like the right thing to do.  I thought, hey , let’s see if I can  leave the driving to Greyhound and just watch the scenery roll by.  I should have known when I was thinking  “adventure “,  that you have to be careful what you wish for.

 The trip started off well, I boarded my bus in Burlington Vermont  and in a short time was on my way . My route seemed a bit odd as the Bus I was on was  bound for New York, but my ticket said I have to get off and change at the next station For Boston and then head for New York.  Well, I tried to stay on the bus, but the driver said , “No ,your ticket says You have to go to Boston first and then go to New York!” . Ok, so while on the way to Boston , while going through a toll in New Hampshire I noticed that two highway trucks were pulling us off the road. When the surprised Bus driver pulled over and opened the door ,  we heard that the bus was on fire!

The driver ordered everyone to stay  where you are ,  and ran out side locking us all inside the bus. Everyone was frightened as we saw the fire trucks and the police cars swarming around us.  A police man  shouted what are you doing in this bus! Everyone has to get out! So we all grabbed our luggage and quickly exited the bus.  When we got outside ,The bus driver was frantically getting our luggage out of the bottom of the bus, while the fireman were still fighting the flames. So, we waited on the side of the road , till another bus from another bus line stopped and picked us up,

  By the time we got to Boston  I had missed the Bus for New York and had to wait another few hours for the next bus to Philadelphia which  I missed too.  Now at the bus station in “Philly” the place was so packed that the was no where to sit but on the floor. People were lined around the room in the middle of the night sitting on well worn suitcases.

  I could tell by the looks of the folks at the station , that the Hobos that can’t hop freight trains , are now all riding Greyhound.

 So the next bus was over crowded with not a seat  left empty . The bus driver was a smart dressed fellow who called himself “Action Jackson” , wearing a golden necklace sporting his moniker. Now “Action” had warned everyone about the rules which stated that there was” No smoking on his bus,”  Action repeated  “If you smoke ,you walk!”  It was not long before some idiot tested the rules and found himself thrown off the bus on the middle of the inter-state, needless to say no one spoke much on that ride , but to his credit he brought the bus in on time.

 At the next stop the driver changed  and the new bus driver brought the bus into  Indianapolis.   The bus driver stepped off the bus and told everyone to get some lunch and left our bus running as he walked over to the office.  After a half hour, everyone was seated and ready to go but we had no driver!  Another half hour went by and finally a man from the office came to tell us that “ Your Bus driver just quit and we don’t have another driver but we are looking for some one, I will be back when we find one.”

Another half hour went by  and still no driver.  After another 20 minutes  the office man came back with a woman dressed in a Greyhound uniform. Then he said  “this is your new driver who will take you to your next stop in  St Louis, but there is a problem , she has never been that route , before , so perhaps some of you who have been there before can help her.”

 In a time of things such as Map quest, GPS and other navigational devices it boggles the mind  to imagine that Greyhound did not even believe  of giving their drivers a road map I But such was the case and true to the official's word this woman had no clue where we were going ! Of course there were plenty of  “expert  travelers “ on  our  bus who gave her all kinds of interesting travel  options  , which to my disbelieve she followed, taking us off the inter-state down  through small towns over tiny bridges that we just inched by  and even a dirt cow-path which we almost got stuck in.

 By the time we reached St Louis it was  way after midnight and we soon found out that the driver had no idea where the bus station was. So she decided to stop the bus and started asking people on the street.  It was hard to believe but we were now following the directions from the winos and hookers  (the only people walking the streets at that time ) As we went down a maze of city streets asking for better directions, I thought it was time to take action.

I picked up my cell  phone ( I was the only one on the bus who had one )  and called my wife. So I woke her up and asked her to turn on the computer. She said “why are you waking me up to turn on the computer? “ Well I told her I needed to know where the bus station was. She said “ I thought you were on the bus!’  “Yes “ I said but the Bus driver could not find the station and needs help. And so, my wife Marianna in Vermont  managed to  guide  the bus to the station,  over the cell phone.  Now by this time we had missed the next bus and had to wait hours for the next one. When it finally came  it was again packed and I  now found myself squeezed in between a big fellow dressed in in a complete western outfit, with a hat, boots, chaps and even spurs. I thought that now I was I really in for some interesting stories of rodeos and wild horses , so I asked him, “ Looks to me like you ride!” he said “yes I do, I am a truck driver from New York city .”  Then a few moments later he said he did not want to catch a cold and  then pulled his red bandanna  up over his face.  As I sat next to him I felt like I was in some strange movie and at the next stop in Tulsa, I begged my friends to get me off of this bus!

After the festival I once again,  had to board the Greyhound back to Vermont.  This ride was less stressful , with  only one guy getting shot at a lunch stop, bleeding all over the bus seats and on the floor ,till the Police came and got him, and a few arguments between rival Native Americans tribes . Boy was I glad to be back home !

Rik Palieri
Singer/  World traveler
www.banjo.net