Sometimes when I chuckle, it's at something awful. Vonnegut explained his dark humor saying you either laugh or you cry. And so, when I got a kick out of the police report I pulled about a fat, old, homeless white guy with a goiter on his stomach, a colostomy bag in one hand and a vodka bottle in the other who stormed into Hart's mortuary during a funeral service, verbally and physically assaulting a corpse, it was because the whole situation was so horrible. I know full-well I'd have killed him had it been my loved one in that casket, just like I can't imagine how miserable a life is when having a goiter on your stomach comes in second worst after the fact you're carrying your own colostomy bag.
Like the cop who filed out the report (but hadn't gotten to the funeral home in time to nap the guy), I had a good idea who it was. Hard not to, right? Well, the last time I saw him was yesterday at a downtown pizzeria. It pissed me off and had me ready to burst.
Here's why: the snowy white bouffant-wearing fat ass cop sitting at the door not only didn't stop the goiterious vagrant, he told him where to find the owner. Okay, okay… here's really why: on top of being useless in this mom and pop restaurant, this cop is one of the two meter maids the city pays to put tickets on the cars of people who actually come downtown—and yes, he's given me a few tickets. (Who else in Macon—besides people downtown—can't park outside the place that employs them without having to move their car every two hours?)
In total truth and full disclosure, I've not only had hundreds of dollars in parking tickets, I'd just received my third "boot" that day and was getting a cheap lunch when I happened to see the slug-shaped officer and his apathy towards the continued plight of our downtown businesses. The only thing he did was mutter—softly—"I think he wants you to leave" when the known nuisance turned to him for help as the owner was ushering his smelly ass out the door. Totally fucking useless!
Now, the meter maid man can't really help the fact he has this job. I know that. No more than the funeral-ruining guy can help the colostomy bag. But there are people who can help the fact this guy has this job when the Macon Police do not have a patrol downtown, which would be a wonderful thing to see. I mean, it'd be nice if someone would people from getting drunk and fucked up in the middle of the day on the sidewalks then staggering into restaurants to beg people for money. Or coming up to you at the ATM or your car… or all the places and situations that are already prohibited by the aggressive solicitation ordinance that was passed.
Question 1) Why direct funding into giving out tickets when it could be used to provide public safety officers where they are needed?
Question 2) Where is the person who is supposed to be checking with the homeless people to see if they need help and if so, to send them where they need to go? That person exists on paper in the ordinance but I haven't seen anyone fitting that description downtown.
I don't want the homeless locked up just because they are homeless, but I also don't believe that half the people who hang out on the sidewalks, smoking crack in the alleys are actually homeless either. Anyone who needs help should get it, which is what the numerous organizations around downtown provide. It's the vagrants that I don't like because they continue to harass the people who live and work downtown… just like the meter maids.