Other Drivers and Sharing Ike's Interstate System

The guy driving the dodge with the hemi in it who thinks he's better than you probably isn't. The guy driving the Prius might be.

There is a butt load of RV's on the road and no two are alike. The Tioga II Santa Fe Phoenix adventurer by Windstar is by far the biggest and the baddest.

When you see someone driving the same car as you it's not cool to try to bond with that someone on the interstate. It just freaks them out (my apologies to the handsome couple in the white forester from Ohio)

Breaking the Law Safely

The entire state of Wisconsin is a speed trap.

If you think that following the fastest guy on the road will let you drive as fast as him and not get caught, think again. That state trooper's got a CB radio and a buddy up the road.

If you're an out of state driver in Wisconsin and get pulled over for speeding, you have to pay the fine right then and there. That's a good way to blow your travel budget and make you wish you flew.

The speed limit in Indiana is 70mph. Three cheers for 70mph! Three cheers for Indiana!

Douche bags that drive ford escorts with roof racks should be arrested and charged with impersonating a police officer.

Illinois highway patrol cars are white with yellow trim. Indiana patrol cars are black with gold trim. Wisconsin patrol cars are sneaky.

Geography

The sign outside of Rockford, Illinois that says you're 77 minutes away from O'Hare Airport LIES.

Mapquest sucks, Google Maps isn't much better and the trunk is a bad place to keep your Rand McNally Road Atlas.

You can't drive around Indianapolis without taking a wrong turn, the only way to get past Indianapolis is to drive straight through it and hope for the best.

You will never have a bad time in Ohio.

Drive through the Midwest in the summer and you too will have a hard time imagining this country, nay the world, ever running out of corn.

If you can see the Sears Tower, the Sears Tower can see you.

Just because you can see the Sears Tower it doesn't mean you're almost home. That building is a tall motherf***er.

The Illinois toll way is overpriced and over congested.

In the Midwest, on the interstate, between the major cities are McDonalds, Culvers Custard and Butter Burgers and Perkins Family Restaurants. In between these are truck stops. In between the truck stops are fireworks stands and adult bookstores. (There's a place just north of Rockford, IL that sells fireworks, porn AND baked goods. ewww...)

California is warm, Minnesota is butt-ass cold.

You will get lost. Baaaaad...

Travel Tips

No matter how much you'd rather listen to music, talk radio passes the hours time ten times faster. Especially the morning zoo.

A slight hangover will allow you to drive great distances without ever having to stop to pee.

It's NOT ok to return a rental car with an empty tank of gas.

It IS ok to return a rental car with a full tank of gas, vomit down the passenger side, 300% more miles, and a slightly altered wheel alignment.

If you fly enough, eventually you will sit next to some random person you already know.

The air recirculation setting on your car's thermostat is a solid feature.

In regards to the aforementioned recirc setting, go with this as soon as you get about 100 miles north of LA on I-5. It will make driving past the group of 300,000 cows a little more pleasant.

Cruise control is your best friend.

There's no place like home.

Microtel is nasty.

Checking into a hotel with a guitar and bunch of gear just might make them think you're something special.

McDonalds drive through trash in the backseat eventually smells like stale farts.

Music and Performing

It's pretty exciting to play in LA, Chicago and New York. But some of the best shows happen in the smallest towns.

Paul Simon's Graceland really is one of the best records of all time.

In the confines of my car I can sing the sh*t out of you can call me al, thunder road and sultans of swing.

Even in the confines of my car I can't sing anything like Justin Timberlake. And I really shouldn't try.

There is no better feeling than trying to sell someone you've just met both of your cd's and learning they already have one of them.

The soundboard operator at the venue is your other best friend.

Final Thoughts

My Subaru pulls to the left.

Cruise control is also your mortal enemy.

So's the soundboard operator...

I am the only driver on the road with any good sense.

Looking forward to year two.