Some times when I start thinking, I start to ponder what is this life and why am I here. Is there a greater goal or just random shifts of change occurring in my life. Is there any meaning to this existence or is it all just a random blur. When I fall deep into these thoughts I feel almost astonished of what my mind returns. Life is more of a collection of occurring circumstances than a intensely deep state of related changes.

I believe that to understand life is to first understand what you are. However that does not mean understand who I am, but what we are. When I look at the world around me, I find only a reason to accept that it is a illusion propagated by my own mind. I am not what is happening around me, but what I have created in mind about what is happening around me.

At times I feel absorbed with personal circumstances and self generated ideas. I often have to repeat thoughts and drift towards opinions of how I should react. This behavior I justify with 'Its for my own good', or 'this is how I should behave'. These reactions bore me and I often just say screw it. One of the things I love to do is write down what is in my thoughts in the form of code. This behavior is how I get through the day in day out boredom of my perceived reality. At times I feel weak and at times I feel strong. This is all part of being human and everyone deals with these issues. The code I write is warped in a way of how I am thinking at the time I write it.

I feel lonely a lot of the time but this is due to my own behavior. If I were to leave my sheltered surroundings and venture off into the 'real world' I would of course find companions. However for some reason I feel the urge to not do this. I trap myself in this world by not wanting to do the things that will produce a healthy mind. I feel almost paralyzed at the idea of leaving here and I can't seem to figure out why. It is almost as if I sabotage my life by 'sticking to myself'. Anyway that is my current thoughts as of now.

- Jared Bruni