Me head’s still sore after the inaugural opening night of our new bar The Stickit Inn. The RTE TV cameras plugged into the mains, and filmed our first ever pub quiz night. Dublin legal ponce Gerald Keane and his tittytastic girlfriend Lisa Murphy were pitted against even tittier-tastic Amanda Brunker and T na Gee fanny magnet Daithi O’Se. Up for grabs was our star prize; a tin of USA biscuits, and by God the competition was fierce to get their hands on the chocolate rings! We decided to give the couples some catchy team name combinations, like all the famous couples have; Tom Cruise and Katy Holmes are known as Tomkat, Brad and Angelina are Brangelina and Miley and Biddy are Biley. So Gerald and Lisa became Team Geesa and Amanda and Daithi were Team Drunker (and as the evening progressed the name certainly fitted!) ....

We had some great rounds to suit everybody including our ‘Touch it, Feel it, Lick it, Suck it’ round were the teams have to guess what their mystery object is. Last night there was the Comfort Wipe, a device for fat people to wipe their distant holes with. Then there was ‘Nob or Normal’ where we were surprised that Team Geesa knew how much a litre of milk was, in fact we were impressed that they actually knew what ‘milk’ was as we assumed they wouldn’t know what that white fluid was that their manservant put into their Crapachino’s. The most disturbing part of the quiz was the ‘Sex –a-sketch’ challenge where the team members had to draw their favourite sexual positions and then reveal to see if they were compatible. Lisa was quite shocked to see Gerald leaping on top of her from a cupboard with an eight foot wanger hanging off him and Daithi and Brunker were spookily compatible as he drew himself at it in a train jacks in Clara station whilst she drew herself doing it on an aeroplane. It was a cracking first night and first show, but my head is started to throb so I’ll hand you over the brother for more first night insight.....

Podge....

 ....

I don’t know why Podge left me to fill ya in on the rest of the goings on in the Stickit Inn opening night as I’m bollixed tired and only after locking the door behind the last of the drunken stragglers. I just looked in on the jacks and it looks like Main Street, Gaza Strip! I’ll have to get the power hose at it!....

Anyway the brother has filled ya in on most of the quiz, the other rounds included were ‘Whose Skin and Blister’ where they had to guess a young one’s famous sister. We had a visit from none other than Sophie Price aka. Jordan’s sister who was a bit of a looker herself, but with only 10% of the bappage of her famous silicone sis. Actually there was a point during that round that I was almost overwhelmed by a boob haze! There was Brunker’s enormous funbags propped up on the table, Jordan’s sis, the amply endowed Lisa Murphy and our busty barmaid Double G Gina. There were so many semis from the male punters in the bar that the tables didn’t need legs! After the ‘Wank you for the Musak’ round it was down to the wire with a quick fire frenzy before last orders were called and Team Geesa won the biscuits, leaving Brunker and O’Se having to forfeit all dignity by singing us out in Karaoke style. This week’s tune was ‘Pokerface’ rewritten as a fitting tribute to Subo (Susan Boyle), entitled ‘Mow her face’.....

Gina, our new barmaid was quite reluctant when she heard there was going to be a camera crew filming quiz night, but since we have her passport she had to play along. There’s something more to her than meets the eye, Podge reckons she could be on the run and every time I decide to confront her about it, I get distracted by her enormous cleavage. I’d say we’ll be finding out more about her mysterious Sicilian background and possible Mafia connections as the weeks go…sorry, where was I? I was thinking of her boobs again!....