Last week, I was asked to do something I'd never done before. Every year, the Kiwanis of Little Havana collects a bunch of gifts to give to the kids staying at the Ronald McDonald House at Jackson Memorial Hospital for Christmas. This year they asked me to be Santa. I'm being honest when I say, I was a little conflicted. I knew it was going to be difficult, but I had no idea HOW difficult.

For those of you who don't know, the Ronald McDonald House is a place where a terminally ill or injured children and their families can stay while they are being treated at the hospital. Here's a little from their website (rmhmiami.org):

In times of long-term illness and injury, families yearn for a relaxing, friendly, nominally price place to stay. The Ronald McDonald House-Miami is a safe place on the hospital campus to sleep, prepare meals, do laundry, and receive the understanding and caring support that families in similar situations provide for each other.

The reason I say it's difficult is entirely selfish. I thought to myself, "Will I be able to keep myself from reacting to these kids' disabilities?" I was warned that some of these kids are suffering tremedously: physically, mentally and emotionally. What if I show some sign on my face of pain or shock or even disgust? I hate to admit it, but that was the first thing thought of, my discomfort.

I was entirely guilt-ridden about it when I realized what these kids were going through. Some of them will not make it to their next Christmas. Some of these families have been dealing with these LIFE AND DEATH issues for many, many Christmases. Who was I to put my pitiful anxieties ahead of these kids? When I got dressed, needless to say, I felt the character come through. I wanted to BE Santa for these kids.

I can't explain to you what it meant to see these kids smile. They were so excited! I entered the room with as big a bellow as I could. HO HO HO!! All these kids' faces just beamed. I was smiling from ear to ear. In a whirlwind of kids and presents and tearing of paper, one by one I handed presents to each boy and girl, never breaking character and never breaking the smile (even under the giant beard). I knew they could see the smile in my eyes. I was truly grateful for the opportunity to brighten their day.

In the pictures you'll notice a couple of older ladies on my lap. These are the family members of children that couldn't be there. Their children were in operations or getting treatment and unable to come to visit with Santa. It was completely inspiring to see these people, adults, who could fully understand the injustice that is a terminally ill child, smile and laugh. To be honest, I felt a little confused.

How could they be happy? How could they enjoy themselves, knowing that all their problems were going to be right there, waiting for them, where they left them before Santa showed up? But then I realized: Happiness for them meant something entirely different to them. These children, these familes face hardships that most of us could never imagine, astronomical "downs", but when they experience the "highs", they can truly appreciate it. They were able to put their troubles down, even if it was for only a few hours. And that, to them, was priceless.

I didn't fully comprehend the impact that being Santa for those kids had made until later that night. I sat back and relived the moment in my head. I remembered their faces, their excitement at seeing and just being there with Santa. Getting what could possibly be their only gifts this year (most of these families go into deep financial troubles just paying medical bills). Then I thought about what these kids over came just to be there that day. I thought about that and then about my hesitation to be Santa, my selfish anxiety. I thought about that, and I cried.

I received many thank-you's and great-job's and everyone was very appreciative. I accepted their kind words, but I realize now that I should be the one thanking them for the opportunity to be a part of something much bigger than myself, for allowing me to help.


And to them I say thank you. And see you again next year! HO HO HO!! =0D