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Current mood:  accomplished Category: Life
This took place 3 years ago……………………..*****Long Blog Alert***** This was originally a 2 part blog. You might need a coffee break.
Also, let us all send a prayer or thought to our Jim. He was at Fort Hood yesterday and on lockdown during the tragedy . Luckily he wasn't in the violence, but being there was certainly upsetting.
NUT was pissed. The shade of lipstick she had worn for years had been discontinued. Probably only the women out there can appreciate what a tragedy this is. NUT had wasted too much money in her younger years trying to find the perfect shade. This particular shade was a perfect blend between pink and peach. How would she ever find such a thing again?
When in doubt over these type situations, NUT calls up Daughter Nut. Daughter Nut is an expert in the beauty department and takes great joy trying to change her mother as much as possible. Each trip up from La La Land, she has a mission to change NUT’s dress or hair to the latest "Young Mother" on some TV show. Daughter Nut once again informs her mother she needs to go to Macy’s and get the “good” lipstick and stop trying to find it in Long’s or Rite Aid.
For some reason, Daughter Nut finally got through to her. The next day found NUT at the one of the fancy make-up counters at the local Macy’s. This was quite an occasion because it meant NUT had to transport herself to the mall, something she avoided at all costs. She hated all the crowds and also had the terrible habit of running into former parents or students. Yep, NUT was proud of herself for just the fact she was standing there.
Can I help you?
NUT stares into the face of a young woman, maybe 25. NUT‘s first feeling was nervous. She didn’t feel comfortable at a make-up counter. She wished she was back at Long’s. But, they had discontinued her lipstick, so she was stuck. However, Make-Up Girl had very kind eyes and seemed to understand NUT didn’t feel very comfortable. Funny how just one glance at the woman's eyes and NUT figured out all of this. She had a knack about it and was rarely wrong.
Uhhhhhhh, I’m looking for some lipstick.
The girl asks NUT to take a seat. She immediately got even more nervous. This was where she saw people sitting who “had their make-up done.” NUT wasn’t interested in that. Every person walking by took a gander at the person sitting at the counter, usually when they had no make up on at all. However, Make-Up Girl smiled and assured NUT she could find the right shade she was looking for. It wouldn’t take long.
NUT sits down and realizes she is at the Estee Lauder counter. That reassured her a bit. She knew this make-up was good stuff, but certainly not the most expensive. NUT congratulated herself and went on to describe the color she wanted. She had also brought along a visual. The last shred of the old lipstick was shown to further illustrate the specific color NUT desperately needed.
The next 15 minutes are spent putting various lipsticks on NUT’s hands. She goes through both hands and was starting to wonder if she would need her feet, when a shade looked like it had potential. That shade got put on her lips. The girl put it on for NUT and NUT had to admit it felt good.
One peek in the mirror and NUT is sold. This was as close as she was going to get to her required pink/peach. Before NUT can say she wanted to buy two, Make-Up Girl is saying how much nicer the lipstick would be if she could just put on some foundation on NUT. NUT didn’t know how to get out of it, so soon she is sitting there, having make-up put on her face. After she was done, NUT was so impressed she bought the foundation, too. She was sure this stuff soaked up her wrinkles better. She evidently had come at the exact right time to discover all of these wonderful beauty secrets from Make-Up Girl.
You should sign up for a free make-over.
Hello? What was Make-Up Girl saying now? Make-over? Now NUT had seen the make-over’s done on Oprah & always wondered what they would be like. Would they change everything about her or just mess with her face? She wasn’t so sure she wanted her hair messed with. But this girl seemed so nice. Maybe if she was the one doing it…….
Ummmmmmm, tell me more about it.
The make-over would be the coming Saturday. The big shots from Estee Lauder were coming to town specially to do these make-over’s all day. It was the chance of a lifetime according to Make-Up Girl. These people really knew what they were doing. They were supposedly the Super Stars of the make-up world and the whole store was excited they had come to such a smaller store.
NUT had to think about this. It was the middle of the summer and she had no plans to speak of. She was challenging herself to do new things. A make-over would certainly count towards that. NUT also realized sitting in this chair at the make-up station wasn’t bad after all. Hardly any people were out and about. And the ones who were virtually ignored NUT and Make-Up Girl.
Well, sign me up. If you recommend it, I’m sure it will be worthwhile.
NUT walks out of Macy’s with 2 new lipsticks and some great wrinkle soaking foundation. She has gone from buying all her make-up at Long’s to the luxury of Macy’s. Now she has signed up for a make-over. All of this was definitely out of the NUT Comfort Zone. But, what could possibly go wrong?
NUT wakes up Saturday morning a bit nervous, but excited. She was having her very first make-over. Lord knew what she was going to look like by the end of the day. Perhaps she should make plans to go out that night to show off her new looks? She would take a wait and see on it and then decide.
Macy’s is very busy as NUT enters the store. She had not calculated this. Funny, the store wasn’t crowded last Tuesday. NUT was disgusted with herself. Now there would be more people walking by the make-up counter. Oh well, she was here. Might as well go for it.
NUT walks up to the make-up counter she was at on Tuesday. It seems strangely quiet. Where are all the other people?
Can I help you?
It is an official looking lady with enough make-up on to fill a MAC truck. NUT wanted to say she was here for a make-over, but didn’t want any part of what this woman had going on. Instead she just informed her she had a 2:00 appointment.
Sign your name here, and go through those doors.
NUT glances in the direction the woman was pointing to. It was the entrance to the mall.
But that isn’t even in the store. Are you sure? That is in the middle of the mall.
Unfortunately the woman was sure. It, in fact, was right at the inside entrance to the mall. A big booth was set up. All kinds of mirrors, chairs, lights and whatnot was newly set up. It looked like a beauty parlor set up in a fish bowl. With huge lights.
It was at this point NUT had a serious conversation with herself.
You don’t have to go. These aren’t what you were expecting and have the right to take a pass at this point. None of this current situation was in the original rules. She didn't have to get out of her comfort zone thissss far.
But I was looking forward to seeing the new NUT. The old NUT would turn around and leave. The new NUT is trying to do new things and branch out. The conversation continued in NUT's brain for a bit.............
NUT took a deep breath and walked over to the table to give a very glamorous looking woman her name. Damned if the lady didn't look like a movie star.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhh, come with me.
She walks me over to a booth on the edge of the tent. Great, everyone can get their best view of me here. Brother, why couldn’t she have chosen another chair?
Steven will be right with you.
What did she say? A man was going to do NUT’s makeup? NUT didn’t like strange men touching her. Now what was she going to do? Damn that new NUT and her self improvement notions.
Hellllooooooo Darling!
Standing before NUT was the gayest looking man she had ever seen. His voice was high pitched, he had on more jewelry than NUT has ever thought of wearing, and was dressed head to foot in pink. Even pink shoes. NUT calmed down a bit. She wasn’t at all sure this person could be put in the MAN category. She guessed he could touch her. But only her face.
Steven asks NUT all kinds of questions, most concerning how NUT cleaned her skin. She was stupid and told him the truth. You see, way back when Star Jones was still on The View, they had a beauty segment on. Star informed everyone present that she used diaper baby wipes to clean her skin and take off make-up. Say what you may about Star, but you have to agree her skin always looks good. She swore they were incredible. It made so much sense to NUT that she went out the very next day and bought them. Star was right. Best beauty product NUT had ever bought.
Well, Steven didn’t agree with Star or NUT. He couldn’t believe his ears and kept repeating, “Don’t you deserve to treat yourself better than diaper wipes?”
NUT felt embarrassed. She agreed she deserved better, but they seemed to be doing a good job for her. Yes, bring on the stuff I deserve.
For the next 45 minutes, NUT’s face is exfoliated, cleaned, buffed, and astringent, moisturized, creamed up, and patted dry. NUT gets anxious. She had hoped this would be a make-up session. So far that entire she could see was about 15 bottles and jars of all the stuff she should be putting on her face.
As all the products were put off and on NUT’s face, Steven told NUT his life story of woe. But from his perspective, he had a fairy tale ending. He got to travel all over the country doing what he enjoyed, and picking up hot men in each new port of call. He really was fun for NUT to listen to.
Finally, Steven gets out the make-up. NUT couldn’t see what he was doing, but assumed he was doing a good job. She had her eyes closed for a good portion of the time, just in case a student she knew walked by.
You can open your eyes. Look in the mirror.
Staring at NUT must have been a Japanese Empress. Her face was nothing short of white. She had glitter all over her eyelids with dark, dark eyeliner surrounding the perimeter of her eyes, and bright candy apple red lipstick. NUT would have screamed in terror except she didn’t want to divert anyone’s attention to her.
Good lord, how could Steven think this looked good? With her blond hair, NUT felt like an idiot trying to pretend she was Asian.
Ahhhhhhhhh, thanks.
No problem. Now I will put all of these products I used on you in this basket.
Fine, whatever.
Steven leads me to this table, gave me a heartfelt hug and tells me he wished I was a man. NUT was tempted to tell him people on MySpace had once accused her of this, but decided to leave well enough alone.
Now NUT all along was aware she would be expected to buy something. So the whole time sitting there, she was trying to figure out the cheapest way to get out of there. One of the moisturizers was forty bucks. She could swing that.
Before she could get the jar out of the basket another glamorous looking, wishes she was Asian type sits down and introduces herself as Tiffany. Right before NUT’s eyes, she is taking out each item and starting to punch numbers and letters into a little mobile laptop set-up.
WTF was going on here? NUT’s heart just about stopped. Did they expect her to buy all of these products for having a make-over? They couldn’t be serious. NUT did a quick mental calculation on just some of the products she knew the prices of. They added up to over a thousand bucks!!! Who had money like that to buy beauty products with?
NUT grabs the woman’s hand as she reached again into the basket. While she didn’t usually touch strangers, she felt like something drastic needed to occur before things got too gnarly.
Miss, I think Steven misunderstood; I will not be buying every product in this basket. I will buy one moisturizer.
Big wide eyes look back at me.
Really? Are you sure? These are incredible beauty products.
Before NUT really lost it she nodded her head. She was frightened if she said anything she would be arrested on the spot. As she is nodding, NUT is getting out her Macy’s card. The girl suggests which moisturizer would be the best. Naturally it was the most expensive one. NUT was warn down and just took it. She signed her name and was out the door in record time.
As she was driving home, she reviewed the whole terrible experience from beginning to end. Had NUT done something wrong? Why did they think she wanted to look Asian? She looked down at her nice black cargo pants and pale pink sleeveless sweater. Surely her clothes didn’t scream this out. And what about that whole buying situation? Did they do that to everyone? Just assume people would buy ALL of those products because they thought they were supposed to for the make-over. NUT felt sorry for the people who had been suckered into buying bogus beauty products they didn’t even want in the first place. The experience sure opened up NUT’s eyes to a whole new world. She had no idea some people went to such great expenses with all of their beauty creams.
When NUT got home, she got out her trusty diaper wipes and washed every spec of make-up off her face. She tried out the miracle face cream but thought her Oil of Olay felt better. She looked up into the mirror.
I think I will stay this way for awhile. If those are beauty experts, NUT wants no part of them.
Post Note:
The following week NUT found herself in Long’s. As she was strolling down the make-up area looking for some bubble bath, what does she see? Yep, there was the lipstick she adored. It had been restacked finally. The sales girl said it had never been removed. Long live Crystal Cut Coral! NUT bought 3 right then and there.
Nutsville Assignment:
Ladies: What beauty product could you not live without?
Men: Ever been coerced into buying something you didn’t want?
NUT
11:40 AM
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