Every now and then (actually a lot of the time, especially when I'm menstruating) I get the intense, overwhelming urge to kill and break things. For some reason I just don't get that weeping uncontrollably thing like other girls. Anyway, this is when I go to the gym, put my iPod on shuffle, and annihilate myself on the treadmill until I can't feel or think aggressively anymore. I think of all of the things that make me want to kill and sob at the same time and I fucking run with the highest incline setting possible. I think about how Bill Hicks died in his 30's because of fucking pancreatic cancer, how everyone I know someday will die, how many of the people I already know are dead, how many people are dead and dying from things that could have been prevented, of racism and every type of bigotry and prejudice, how the world is run by raving lunatics and greedy fucks, of every person that's robbed of knowledge every day, how we're all just mall-going carcasses trapped in this brain-washing soul-stealing fucking commercial system, of all the propaganda being generated to keep this shit going, and so on and so forth with death, greed, and conspiracy theories (excuse my redundancies). ALL OF THE GODDAMN DELUSIONS AND THE GODDAMN DELUDED AND ALL OF THE WASTE. I think and I get as fucking raging hysterical as possible and I don't stop until the overwhelming urge to kick and punch and break the treadmill goes away (I get so freaked out when I'm using the one here because I really do want to break it, and I'm afraid I will get so hysterical one day I'm just going to go into a frenzy and kick it until I crush both it and my foot and I'll have to pay for it). After this I do crunches, like shooting something already dead and fallen on the floor just to be sure.

Well, I have to say, there is no experience like listening to music during a physical high. Just like you can't replace the experience of listening to music in a live setting, or on your headphones somewhere very atmospheric and inspirational, it is a unique and intensifying experience that can't be bought or found any other way when you're blasting Nina fucking Simone or the Dead fucking Kennedys on your headphones while you run yourself to death. TRY IT SOMETIME. DESTROY YOURSELVES AND FUCK ALL OPPRESSION and so on and so forth la la la I'm an angry misunderstood intellect fighting the oppressors from my treadmill listening to other people's hard work bullshit bullshit bullshit etc. etc. etc.






slave screams he thinks he knows what he wants
slave screams thinks he has something to say
slave screams HE HEARS BUT DOESN'T WANT TO LISTEN
slave screams he's being beat into submission

don't open your eyes you won't like what you see
the devils of truth steal the souls of the free
don't open your eyes take it from me
I have found
you can find
happiness in slavery

slave screams HE SPENDS HIS LIFE LEARNING CONFORMITY
slave screams he claims he has his own identity
slave screams he's going to cause the system to fall
slave screams but he's glad to be chained to that wall

don't open your eyes you won't like what you see
the blind have been blessed with security
don't open your eyes take it from me
I have found
you can find
happiness in slavery

I don't know what I am I don't know where I've been
human junk just words and so much skin
stick my hands through the cage of this endless routine
JUST SOME FLESH CAUGHT IN THIS BIG BROKEN MACHINE!




OK, I'm better now.