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Putting the Caughter back in Slaugi! ™©

Jiggens .


Last Updated: 3/10/2009

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Gender: Male
Status: Single
Age: 20
Sign: Leo

City: Sydney
Country: AU
Signup Date: 11/13/2006

Who Gives Kudos:

(2)
Jøni.. (2)
[i am jess] (2)
is alcohol .. (2)
GAI NIC (2)
Thursday, January 31, 2008 

living definition of pain,
that girl is my world...

the burned out sun,
the blackened sky,
the strongest hail,
the mind left frail..

taste her forked tounge tonight,
till it crumbles to ash,
smile smeared upside down,
so ive slipped off her crown..

the angel that brought
this god to his knees,
the immortal's escaped,
by her will, i will leave.

still nothing can compare...


]]comments?

5:59 PM
 
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Previous Post: ((dream)) Release. | Back to Blog List | Next Post: ((poetry)) Your Angel. (pt.1)
Jøni Macarøni
Joni Pini-Fitzsimmons

 
Ohh.

I think I like more.
 
Posted by Jøni Macarøni on Friday, February 01, 2008 - 12:37 PM
[Reply to this] 
[i am jess]

 
It's missing something. Otherwise it's really good.
Nice work.
 
Posted by [i am jess] on Friday, February 01, 2008 - 9:02 PM
[Reply to this] 
Putting the Caughter back in Slaugi! ™©
Jiggens .

 
its missing the soul-deep affection and feeling that was poured into the previous one, because you know as well as I do that no matter what I pretend I'm feeling, I will never manage, or even truly want, to escape the love she trapped in my heart. =[
 
Posted by Putting the Caughter back in Slaugi! ™© on Friday, February 01, 2008 - 9:21 PM
[Reply to this] 
Putting the Caughter back in Slaugi! ™©
Jiggens .

 
oh >.<
its also missing a reference to the line 'her deep brown eyes', cos there's a reference to everything else in the first part.. I just racked my brain hard and couldn't think of anything that fit poetically =P
but between the two thing mentioned, I think that's all that's been left out of the poem..
 
Posted by Putting the Caughter back in Slaugi! ™© on Friday, February 01, 2008 - 9:27 PM
[Reply to this] 
is alcohol what love feels like?

 
hehe wow... and sometimes i relly don't wish they were about me hehehe... but its relly good i like it a lot
 
Posted by is alcohol what love feels like? on Friday, February 01, 2008 - 9:45 PM
[Reply to this] 
GAI NIC
Nick Myers

 
mnbvcgfyvuct
 
Posted by GAI NIC on Monday, February 04, 2008 - 2:29 AM
[Reply to this]