Well looky heres - it be goins on nigh Christmas in I ain't wrote diddly since my heathen kids tosseds me in a hell farm an a stealeds my bank account.

I spends a my days bein told when I's a hungry an a what I wants to be watches on at there television. 

I been in troubles 19 times fer harmins em testiculars of at boy what ties me to my bed at night. 
I started a couple a em fires on at hovers-round a my enemys name a Slimmy James. 
An back on a Turkey Day, I a saveds up some feces a mine an a throwed its at the Dr. Drexel ... he hads it comin.

This Christmas visitins, I'm a sworn a take one a my dumb grandkids hostaged fer a car ride outta heres.  There's guna be 3 kinds a hell payin when I gets goin.