These words struggle to find their way onto this page....
All the while I fight back the shame and the rage...
This poem doesn't want to be about you...
This pen.. my fingers... wont let me sketch the blues....
Dare not I dawdle and doodle my disappointment within these lines....
This isn't the second, third or even the fourth time....
Can't even conjure spells to silently spill from my lips.....
Cant even invoke anger at the lies I lapped up off your fingertips....
Before it began... I knew it would end....
Even though now I understand... I still want him....
Faithfully followed his fancy fantasies....
XXX Hardcore stunts and sodomy...
Caught up in erotic embraces with your fingers around my neck....
Royally fucking like the Queen and Oedipus Rex..
Almost angelically deeming you Daddy...
When sadly.... I could see...
He wasn't even as grown as me....
He wasn't on his own like me....
Caught up in a cradle of comfort called.. Mommy...
Frequently indulging ourselves in Freudian pleasures....
Concerned with the standard to which I would measure...
For I wore the crown and bore the scepter...
It had been lonely without a king so I sought shelter...
Enthralled by this two faced court jester...
And yet his toasted tamarind flesh tempted me...
Igniting the blood in my veins like kerosene...
Obsessively compelling me to continue this dysfunction...
My demise began with his first consumption..
Of my sex... and now I'm left breathless... with my free time in abundance and his never in excess.
Now that he had explored the nether dimensions between my thighs...
His gaze could not bear to meet my eyes...
Now that we were both bare... I could see .....
Exactly what he struggled to hide from me..
His boyish inequity....
Pages can't court queens; if but only in their minds...
Queens may lust after Knights... but rarely is there a time...
When a Page can behave with Knightly valor, or should a TRUE King sport unsightly character....
I close my eyes allowing the nausea to pass...
Reminiscing on his sickeningly sweet lines... I almost gag
Shame rises like bile in my throat as I replay this karmic joke...
It had to be a joke, because an illusion couldn't have....
Spoken to me...
Pretended to be open with me, so that I may divulge of myself completely...
To HE, who was never open, or spoke honestly....
Now I have realized that those languidly lazy lovemaking moments were all a LIE...
Interestingly enough there isn't a tear for me to cry....
- Cake Ka$h 2009