they thought I was gonna take the dive
give it up for something easy
roll over into a
blank smile
but I was lucky
I kept a piece of me
and it ignited like a
spark
and I ran into the bathroom and washed my face
and I looked at myself in the mirror
I saw everything
all the imperfections suffocating me
like the past bleeds the mind
it was enough to stop
and
gasp for air
sometimes when you are on a roll
it doesn't matter if the outcome is good or bad
what matters is that you are
going somewhere
and the adrenaline and the self contrived power
is all that really
matters
and I saw through my facade
and I knew that I was down on the ground for the count
I had buried myself for an easy emotional adjustment
my creativity had been stifled
my dreams were hardly existent anymore
I was stinking of hard liquor and vomit
with a three day beard
but this spark
this remaining piece of me
shouted through my being
like a conscious
grabbing me from the dark abyss I was falling into
and I knew then
what was left to do
I had to face myself before the count was over
so I broke through
I became the singular moment of my life as it was
as time slowed down
as I found my new way
I was a fighter
some archaic warrior
drawn up from the dust in me
unafraid anymore
ready to face the worst demons in me
and then the light
the light was powerful
it started as a spark in me
and it grew
it grew until
I was glowing
and then something, I was thinking, something,
what was the anger about? what was the hatred about?
had time been wasted?
had love been lost?
how much of my innocence had been transformed?
how much of me was gone?
as I stared at myself in the mirror
I saw that my face was still of youth and vigor
I knew that time was still on my side
I turned away from my reflection
and I thought to myself "this is it, this is where I need to go,"
and I knew that I could no longer run from myself anymore
I needed to stand up and
fight