As most of you know, I try to keep blogs in a positive nature unless I feel the need to vent in a written format.  Well, as much as I hate tooting my own horn...."toot toot".  If you don't want to read any further, then please stop here.  I'm just very excited about something that I just realized that I wanted to share my joy and happiness.

A friend of mine and I were talking this morning about some medical health issues going on in his life right now.  The pain he is describing is not even something I would want to wish on my worst enemy.  He's been telling me how difficult it is to keep working though all his pain but he knows that he really doesn't have a choice in the matter because he needs his paycheck in order to survive.

Well, believe me, I understand where he is coming from.  I understand it more than anyone would probably think.  Our discussion led me to thinking back about my own financial responsibilities and seeing how far I've come since my 2nd divorce in 1998. 

Back in 1987 when I graduated from high school and turned 18 that summer, I thought I knew everything.  Boy was I ever wrong!!!!  I got pregnant and married all within a couple of months of turning 18.  While I don't regret having my daughter, I wish I would have waited.  Then having my 2nd daughter just before I turned 20, well, again, I wish I would have waited.  I love my daughters and don't regret giving life to them, but I should have found out who I was first.

Now fast forward to the last several years.  I'm trying to maintain a relationship with all 4 of my daughters.  I've put myself through business school and obtained a diploma from a wonderful school.  I'm finally living my life the way I should have before I got married and had children.  I had to move away from my family and my kids and start my life over in a place where nobody knew me just so I could have a fair chance at making a living.  Someone I was close to gave me that chance and for that I will be forever grateful.  While things didn't work out between him and me, he did show me that I am worth something and am something very special to the right person.

I've looked at my life with a little more scrutinty over the last 12 months.  I've lived in a mobile home that is older than most.  However, I've paid the rent myself every month and on time.  I've paid my bills and worked and reworked my budget almost to the point of being anal retentive about making sure I have money to live on because I hate asking others to borrow money.  Granted I know I still have a ways to go to be where I really see myself as being successful, but I'm getting there.   I haven't had to ask to borrow money for about 5 months now and even then it was because of alot of unexpected vehicle repairs that I really wasn't prepared for.  However, the people that have helped me out with that have all been repaid for several months now and I have never felt so proud of myself for getting that all taken care of so quickly.  It gives me hope that maybe I CAN do something right.

While talking to my friend this morning, I was telling him about some of the changes I've made recently and how I am looking forward to things finally leveling off so I can see just how much I've gained from making these changes.  For those of you who don't know, I was on a dialup internet connection for the longest time.  Oh Lord, how I hated it!!!!!  I finally sat down and compared what I was paying for a landline telephone, my cell phone, my satellite tv and my internet connection to what I would be paying for if I got rid of the landline phone and used my cell phone as my primary number, changing my satellite tv to cable so that I could have hispeed internet.  This would eliminate the dialup as well.  Granted it was nervewracking but it was a change well worth the stress. 

It was just a few months ago that really made me stop and think about how much I've changed.  While I was doing the research on getting hi-speed internet, I forgot about the fact that I had to pay for my own heat.  That cold spell taught me a very valuable lesson.  I ran out of heat one cold weekend and it was scary.  I couldn't reach out to my safety net and tell him that I goofed up again.  I didn't want him to be disappointed in me.  I had to take a big girl pill and do what I had to do to get through it without leaning on someone else.  I called a place that helps with emergency fuel and explained to them that although I have a decent dayjob, I had some unexpected expenses come up that I was just not prepared for.  It was tough but I survived.  They graciously helped me out and once I get some things settled down here financially, I'd love to send them money in a donation form for everything they have done for me.  I can tell you that my safety net was disappointed in me that I didn't say anything to him but I believe that he understands why I had to do what I did.  I have since learned that if it ever happens again, I will not hide this from him.  I hated myself for it.

So, back to the reason for this blog.  If you've read this far, thank you. 

I was talking to my friend this morning and telling him about some of the changes I've made in my life.  Besides the hi-speed internet change, I've also started pre-paying for my heat. I send my oil company something each month so that when i need to have fuel delivered, it's already paid for.  It's not quite the same as prepaying for cell phone minutes, but it is something that works for me.  It's made me be more responsible for my own financial survival.  I know my rent comes out each month.  I know I need to pay my cell phone bill in order to have a connection to my family.  The hi-speed connection and cable are actually luxuries for me.  At one point I lived in a government subsidized house with NO CABLE, NO NOTHING!!!  My dvd and vcrs got alot of use out of them.  But it was something I had to do because I couldn't afford the other stuff.  Now I force myself to send the heating company a check each month because if I don't, I may get back into that situation I was in a couple of months ago and I can't and won't go back to that.  It proved to be a good thing because just a couple of months ago when we had some nice spring weather but at nights it got so cold that my furnace would kick on, I checked my oil tank because I knew I had to be getting low from the time I ran out of heat.  I was right.  I wouldn't last through too many more cold nights.  So I called my oil company and they confirmed that I had a credit on my account.  It was enough that they could deliver half a tank of fuel and I still would have money left over as a credit balance.  That's what makes it all worth it!!!!!

So now, I'm working on my next partial delivery so that when winter does hit this year, I'm ready for it.  Once I get that settled into my financial routine, my next three steps are to work on building a savings account, an emergency spending account, and planning for my retirement and still keep going with what I'm doing now.  I know vehicle stuff is coming up and well, Christmas isn't far away either.   Hopefully I can fit these in to my budget without cutting myself too short.  I may have to see if I can get a part time job to get me started, but hey, I'm doing it myself!!!!!  I need to be a success in my own eyes!!!!  I cannot or will not fail!!!!!