We as humans often forget emotions. In the ebbs and flows of life, we sometimes forget what it's like to swim against the current since, "Life's Good!" Then there are times when you have no fucking clue what direction you are going in the river of life (completely aware that this analogy is complete gay/corny/stupid/childish/or Christian'esq). So, I guess today was a whirlpool. I thought about some stuff today that most people don't think about. That's the beauty of hanging around comics. Here is my example.

"Hey, if you were going to fuck a dog and it was a girl, would you fuck it's ass or vagina?"

In normal everyday conversations, that topic would get you fired from your job. However, when talking to a group of comics, no one really bats an eye...unless they're a softy, nancy boy/girl. They always fire back with a quick retort. "Well, you'd have to try for the vagina, but I guess you could settle for the ass. I mean it's not going to be easy. My dog doesn't like getting in the bathtub, so I bet she's not going to be gung-ho about getting fucked." Is there a better answer? If so, please fill it in.

New Subject: Have you ever just had the "It's Over Speech" with a girl? You've known it's over for awhile, but you stay in denial because you think you might get pussy again. That's my situation. And after you have that talk and you're walking home, why the fuck does every goddamn happy couple have to be walking the street? "Oh, I'm so glad you picked that restaurant. It was perfect. I'm so glad we JUST met and are already in LOVEEEEEEE!" Fuck those people in their mouth hole. I'm not proud to say this, but I actually wanted to rip that guy's arm off and then beat him with it. I know it's wrong and in my heart of hearts I'm glad I'm a romantic sap, but just for a split second I wanted to make that fuckers kidney's bleed. Like in Fight Club when Edward Norton beats the shit out the lead singer from 30 Seconds To Mars, (Jared Letto...yeah, I'm a fan. No, I'm not...seriously. I just have too much trivial shit in my head) because he wanted to destroy something pretty. That's sorta like what I was feeling. I wanted to beat him until she left him due to colliflower ear and teeth broken at the gum line. Someone just emptied their aggression tank!

A lot of people ask, "Jay, is MySpace your therapy?" And I say, "No, do you read my blog?"

I'm going to be an uncle is less than two weeks. I'm pretty excited about being an uncle. Mostly, because I'm 99.587% sure I'm not the "molesting" type of uncle. That was a joke. I'll be a great uncle. I won't get to see her much, but I'll teach her stuff in stages. When she's a baby I can hold her and make silly faces. I can give piggy back rides and tell her meth is bad when she's a toddler. Then in elementary I can tell her about the Bloods & Crips, (I'm not in the gang, so I don't know if I spelled it right. I just watch Gangland on A&E) and how you have to put a motherfucker in the 150 Club. That's when you give a person a cut that requires a 150 stitches. Seriously, it'll be cool to have a little person to help cultivate. Hopefully, I can be a positive roll model and be the reason she gets a college degree.

I can't believe 36 people read this goddamn thing today. Thanks.
Jay