"I just want you to be happy"
How many times have we heard that - how many times have we, as individuals, said that to someone?
Do we ever mean it? Absolutely not
I was having a conversation with a good friend of mine tonight - it was probably the last time I'll see her for a while. We were talking about being in relationships and how we would feel if our hypothetical partners were to come to us and say that they had found someone else. Here's a synopsis of how the conversation might run......
"I'm not happy with how things have been going recently. I've felt that I've been neglected and that we've lost the spark that we used to have. I've been sleeping with someone else for the past 4 months. I'm leaving you for him. I'm sorry but it's for the best"
"But, I don't understand. I thought we were happy. I thought that I was providing everything you wanted?"
"Look, you're a really great guy, it's just that the chemistry fizzled out after a while. I still love you but I'm not in love with you. I'm sorry"
"Well, I'm not going to lie. I'm devestated, but I just want you to be happy"
BULLLSHIT!
See. That bit, right there. NO-ONE ever means that. If I'm in a relationship with someone then of course I want them to be happy. But at the same time, I know deep down, at least in my mind, that I'm the person who will be able to do that. As faras I'm concerned, no-one can make her as happy as me. Everyone else will come a distant second to me in the happy stakes. Even if it's not true, we'll all still think that we're the right person for them.
Similarly, if I want to be with someone and she chooses someone else. If I tell her that it's all ok, and that even though I'm disappointed, ultimately I'll get over it because "I just want to see her happy", then I'm lying. Egotistcially, I think that I will make her happier than the other guy can.
So what am I getting at?
Simply this....I'm going to be truthful. I will be upset if she chooses someone else. I will be devestated if I'm not the person who makes her happy. I'm tired of trying to take things on the chin and moving onto the "next chapter" in my life.
If you want to be with me, then be with me. If you don't, then fine. But don't expect me to give you an unbiased opinion when you come to me at a later date and let me know that the guy you did choose is letting you down. I might try and be tactful and tell you that we all make mistakes, but deep down, I'm thinking "I told you so". I will not stand by and watch you choose someone else over me, only to see you get treated badly when I could have told you in the first place that it would happen.
This blog is about no-one in particuar. It's simply a gathering of thoughts that have accumulated over a period of time. I've seen too many friends of mine make the wrong choice when the obvious person is staring them right in the face - we can be perfectly content spending the rest of our lives with one of a number of people we meet along the way. Do I think that there is one person out there for all of us? I don't know.
However, I do think that even though there are several people out there who can make us happy, there are only a very limited number of people who will make us complete.
Reach for every moment that you can - when you meet one of these people it will change your life. Pay attention to it and make sure that the opportunity, and the person, does not slip through your grasp.