I was hungry so I went to McDonald's today, got my combo and went to the 2nd floor and scouted for a free table. This is when things started to get interesting, what I saw was, one girl, sitting alone next to a wall, all the tables around her empty and then all the people sitting on the other side of the store looking at her.
Let me give a brief description of this girl, you know Courtney Love? well, she was like her stunt double, she had a ratty, dirty, broken wedding dress, a blonde wig and the only thing on her table was a Styrofoam coffee cup and one of those plastic McDonald's trays, she was talking and laughing alone at full volume.
So there I was absorbing the picture when I decided to sit just a table away from her, I was so pissed at the world that I thought "if she snaps and decides to stab someone, I want to be the first person that she sees".
Then I started eating and looking at the rest of the people in the place, most of them were girl students and one group that was formed by 4 guys, one of them looking freakishly like Michael Moore, they were making fun of Courtney imitating her and sometimes throwing kisses and winking at her, the student girls were all looking at this and laughing.
My Friend Courtney was oblivious of all this as she kept chatting to her imaginary lover, she would point at her tray and say "I didn't know that you love the snow" "I didn't know that you love going to the movies" also from time to time she's start laughing like if Al Lowe himself was in front of her.
I was finishing my burger when one girl came and gave everyone a coffee refill and went back to the first floor, suddenly Courtney gets up looks at the guys and screams "IF YOU KEEP LAUGHING AT ME MY HUSBAND WILL KICK YOUR ASS!!!" whilst pointing at me, so before I could enjoy the news that I was married to Courtney Love, Michael Moore gets up and screams back "BUT I LOVE YOU!!!" I looked at him and his friends and then I see a flying Styrofoam cup that hits Michael Moore right in the center of his face and splashes boiling hot coffee all over him and his friends, he starts screaming "CRAZY BITCH, I WILL KILL YOU!!!" with his face deformed by anger and hot liquid, Courtney sat again and kept mumbling to her invisible lover while Michael Moore's friends were grabbing him trying to keep the guy from killing her.
They finally took Michael to the bathroom and I left because it was late and I needed to go to the office.
So that's the story of how I married Courtney Love, stay tuned next week for the story of how I killed the last 3 Popes.