You may or may not (probably not) have heard that I'm learning to ride a moped. In case you yourself are thinking, "Man, I need to get in on that", I offer a few tips to make your experience smoother and your learning curve less painful. The first and second most important things to remember are:

1) Don't fall off

and

2) Stay upright

respectively. These two facts would have no doubt have served me well. Not only would there be fewer Jeff-shaped indentations in the road, there would be fewer road-shaped indentations in my flesh. To the above, I would like to append a corollary:

3) The road is your friend! Stay on it.

Indeed, you may find number 3 helps immeasurably with both 1 and 2. Just follow these simple rules, and you too can race down the road at speeds marginally higher than zero.