COMPROMISE - can be a fucked up thing.

Especially when you're making one with yourself, for a longer period of time.  And "long" is a word I can never associate when talking about my past relationships (just in case you're not sure about my concept of the word LONG).  As for the concept of the word COMPROMISE, if you ask dictionary.com, here's what you'll get: "noun - 1. a settlement of differences by mutual concessions."  If you ask ME, it's about YOU, willingly agreeing to lose something, in order to gain something else.  Cause only the dead and the stupid don't change, and you're not either one of those.  Panta rei, right?  So, you convince yourself to give up this little, itty-bitty thing in your life, in order to... gain something that you convince yourself that you need... oh, and everybody else says that you need it... and sane logic and common sense tell you that you need it... everything around you implies that you need it... so finally, you end up screaming out loud: "I need it, I need it, I need it!!"

Dear old Santa hears your desperate cries, karma weaves its magical threads around your aura, and BOOM! - you get what you want!  Well, you get what you deserve, for being such a hammer-head with your stupid, modern demands:

PART-TIME LOVER.

Why the heck not.  These are the 80's :o)  Emancipation.  Anything's allowed.  Don't want a full-time boyfriend?  No problem!  Just call 1-800-GET YOURSELF A PART-TIME LOVER!  Long live Stevie Wonder! 

No, I can't afford a real, "normal" boyfriend - I just don't have the time, the will and the need for that.  I say I can't AFFORD one, cause I believe that one needs to invest into a healthy relationship.  I'll mention some of the most annoying investments I have made so far in my young life: cutbacks in my favourite activities, spending less time with my girlfriends, less social life, more indoor entertainment, constant and continuous rearrangement of my daily schedule (partly due to the fact that I work in shifts), less time to enjoy the nature or just take a walk outside, jaywalk with no particular reason or place to go but enjoy life outside, hell, not to mention absolute lack of time to mope around the house in pajamas, if that's what I feel like doing!!!  You try to shorten everything: get back from the gym earlier, cancel a coffee with your best friend, postpone the meeting with your gynecologist, condense the conversation with your family to the basic phrases of verbal communication, let the book you started reading rust in the dust, drink a short espresso instead of a long nes, shower instead of bathe, shampoo and rinse your hair, but skip the conditioner - that will save you another 5 minutes, and 5 minutes is A LOT!  Right, right, I know: I'm a very busy girl (but I already mentioned that info on my profile).  I work, study, take private classes, work out, have a few hobbies and more than a few friends... all those require time and effort as investment too.  To summarize: less time for myself.

My-Self.  Yes, me, myself, I.  I'm selfish and egotistic and I love to admit it.  All of you who aren't - go live in monasteries.  But don't forget the 11th commandment: Thou shall not judge.  Either way, I do things my way.  I'm a bad Christian, so sue me.  And as a bad Christian, I accepted the challenge to have a part-time relationship.  And don't go raising your eyebrows on me now, you know damn well what I'm talking about (at least I hope so, for my own sake - God forbid I have innocent, inexperienced lambs on my FriendsList).  And part-time relationships are perfect, at least as a concept... at the beginning of the actual relationship.  Because by the time you've said "ashtray", you find yourself stuck in this knee-deep blob-jelly, a sticky and sour mix of inertia and moral obligations. 

NOT AGAIN?!  It was supposed to be 100% pure fun, good time with no serious intentions, no strains and restrains...  Both of you wanted a short ride to the next stop, but there you are, still following the white lines on the asphalt, one after another, and you just can't seem to be able to get your eyes off the tracks... God knows why...  If it were a "normal" relationship which you wanted to end, and actually had the balls to do it - you surely would!  But here, there is nothing to "end", cause there's really nothing there to end, it's just a part-time...

Well, let me give you an update.  Part-time relationships are a bit tricky.  Nobody cares to control, nurture and shape them in a desired direction, so eventually they grow into this unrecognizable scary thing called IT.  Suddenly you witness strange talk and strange behaviour from your part-time-partner, silly actions and reactions that even Sherlock Holmes wouldn't be able to decipher, obnoxiously green lies, childishly lousy excuses, unexplainable moves, awkward comments, but nowhere an indication that this so-called-relationship is about to end.  Not a hint.  Not from his side, though.  An end would be logically expected as a crown to each process, but this inexplicable behaviour is unbearable.

What is it?  What do you want from me?  Relationships that have begun as part-time and unserious - END THE EXACT SAME WAY!  There's no progress there, my dear viewers!  You know why?  Pure statistics!  What are the odds to desperately fall in love with your part-time?  0.1% -> of all the people I've met in my young life, there is ONLY ONE colleague of mine that married his part-time girlfriend (they're still married, have 2 kids), but just for the record - they knew eachother ten years before they actually started 'dating'.  So maybe that's even less than 0.1%.

So don't turn all romantic and mushy on me, all you macho nachos who just wanted good sex at the beginning when we first met!  That was our silent, MUTUAL agreement, remember?  Have fun and don't get serious about anything.  What, you changed your mind?  Oh boy.  There goes a headache.

But not MINE.  I descended the clouds from Heavens years ago.  And it's not about how much experience you have in life, but how much you learn from it.  And I'm a fast learner, with the ability to apply my knowledge in future events.  I never did believe in Santa Claus, even as a little kid; at the age of 10 I already knew "Pretty Woman" was a silly American movie that featured an imbecile scenario more impossible than the Cinderella fairytale.  And, oh, how I love fairytales!  They're wonderful, sweet-sounding, heart-pounding, magical, enchanting, colorful tools that help develop a child's imagination.  A CHILD'S.  That's why they contain no violence, sex, drugs, rock n roll, or explicit lyrics.  That's why they're DRAWN PICTURES in children's books.  All you grown ups loving and watching romantic filmed comedies, GROW UP!!!  Hollywood's retarding you!!  Sucking your brains out, shriveling your little gray cells, distorting your image of the world and its concepts, altering your wishes, demands, and reactions to the environment!

And for God's sake, DON'T START ANYTHING THAT YOU CAN'T FINISH.  You wanted a good time and not much brain usage together?  Fine.  You got it.  DON'T GET MORE DEMANDING LATER just because you liked the taste of the ice-cream.  Be consistent in your attitude, and learn how to know what you want - don't go into a barn asking to see a horse, and after a while ask for a zebra - she's just not there... and you're not in a freaking ZOO.

GROW UP!

Music theme for today: Part-time lovers by Stevie Wonder