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Transformers - A Review. A Ramble.
Shortly before Transformers truly kicks into high gear, the film's protagonist has an excited conversation to himself about the lameness of the phrase "more than meets the eye". He's just blurted it out to the woman of his dreams in a moment of befuddlement, but members of the audience recognise it as the catchcry of the original cartoon.
It's a great moment, a sly wink to old time Transformers fans that won't take anyone else out of the film. It is one of a number of such moments scattered throughout the film that served to dispel my fears - as an 80s cartoon fanatic - that "Michael Bay destroyed my childhood", which seemed to develop into somewhat of an anthem across the internet in the lead-up to release.
Sadly, the goofy smile that this moment pasted on my face slipped a bit at the close of the film when Optimus Prime - leader of the good guy Autobots and main transforming alien - repeats the phrase. In that instance its used as the gun-ho morale of the film - 'like us, humans are MORE THAN MEETS THE EYE'. That sly wink has now turned face on and shouted to the audience, robbing it of its charm.
Transformers truly is a good film, one that I thoroughly enjoyed, but a smattering of bum notes marrs the wide canvas goofy action bonanza and robs it of being a great film.
The film owes much of its success the Shia LaBeouf, who plays the nerdy young man who buys a beaten up old car, discovers it's a transforming robot from space, and is propelled into the lead role.
Any story based around characters as alien as the Transformers requires a human being in the forefront for the audience to identify with. This can backfire in some cases. In Aliens vs Predator the promised firefight between two uber-cool unstoppable engines of destruction was pushed back behind hours of boredom-inducing cardboard human space soldiers.
Transformers does not suffer this fate. LaBeouf acts flawlessly throughout. He is convincing and affecting as the lovable loser and it is he alone who sells the film's air of goofy fun. When Optimus Prime crashes to earth and starts spouting cheesy one-liners I'm laughing instead of cringing (most of the time), largely because of the tone established by LaBeouf.
The sequence of LeBeouf driving around in his new car - known to only the audience as the living Autobot Bumblebee - is Herbiesque and fun. Use of the radio's spontaneous spewing of cliched love songs hits just the right note.
With Michael Bay at the helm, it goes without saying that the action is a sight to behold. The visual effects are magnificent. Seeing these creatures transform is awe-inspiring and seeing them fight is fantastic. Bay manages to keep the quick-cuts under control for most of the action, which was welcome, as sequences involving two giant, similar robots fighting alongside swarms of soldiers and military hardware could be difficult to follow.
The Transformers look good and Bay knows it. Slow motion sequences are used to show them off as they fight, transform and even walk. None seem over-the-top, offering instead a chance to really look at these awesome creatures.
The only issue I had was the amount of screentime given over to the army and the Secretary of Defense.
More than anything else, it's a testament to LaBeouf's performance and the success of the Transformers that every time the 'army plot' was onscreen, I was restless to get it over with and get back to the other story.
It didn't seem to achieve much - save setting up the twinned cliches of 'army disbelieves random kid about friendly aliens to their detriment' and 'government meddles in matters beyond their comprehension to their detriment'. The movie would've been stronger without it.
Likewise the extended shots of military hardware. It's not hard to realise that Bay loves his army toys, and I know many Transformers fans would appreciate the look at more machines a'shootin', but as the sixth minute ticked by showing a big plane shooting into a cloud of dust I was anxious for it to be over.
Given my tendency to focus on the negatives when I write, I'm going to fall on the well worn crutch of 'big list of things' to bring out some of the other stuff I liked/didn't like. Sure beats writing in pesky paragraphs.
Things that were cool! Uncool! There!
* Opening with a voiceover from Optimus Prime - voiced by the instantly recognisable original actor - was a great way to get me onside from the outset.
* Optimus Prime refuses to hurt humans, even to save his own troops. Soon has he sees a Decepticon? Knife to the eye! Awesome, although faintly creepy.
* Bumblebee responding to criticism by becoming an awesome car.
* Megatron being a bloodthirsty psychopath. Disdain for puny humans? Check. Ripping Jazz in half? Check.
* 'You've failed me again Starscream'. Awes.
* The necessary McGuffin of the plot - the All Spark Cube - was used to good effect. Although if it's purpose is to 'create life' within machines, why were all the creatures we saw it create evil? Soft drink shooting Transformer was cool though. I'd buy that toy.
* Like much of the Pentagon storyline, the young hackers didn't do anything I could tell, save giving Buffy actor and favorite of mine Tom Lenk some work. They seemed positioned, in true family movie style, to be the young folk who convince the stuffy old suits that the machines are alive. But turned out the government already knew. They already had one in the basement. "You'll be my adviser". "On what?" "Don't worry, you won't be onscreen again".
* Almost every gag LaBeouf said gave me a laugh.
* I didn't know how much I'd wanted to see Optimus and Megatron crashing through a building until it was upon me.
* Starting the action off instantly was welcome. Scorpinok carelessly ripping an entire army base a new one was spectacularly awesome.
* Megan Fox - who incidently did a great job despite being there solely for eye candy purposes - pulling a legless Bumblebee around while he shot a Decepticon to death was great.
* "One shall stand, one shall fall". So cheesy. So lame. So fantastically brilliamatic.
* Starscream's midair transformations as he took apart that platoon of jets was great.
* Wow. Optimus really got his ass handed to him by Megatron.
* That robot skated through a bus!
* Even though I'm already pretty sure I know exactly what the sequel will be - more transformers from both sides hear Optimus' call and come to earth, just in time to fight Megatron, who rises from the depths of the ocean as Galvatron owing to the All-spark's new home in his chest - I really wanna see it.
In closing, this movie was really good. Damn close to being great. I didn't have to fall back on the intensely irritating "just turn your brain off and enjoy the ride" defense of most action blockbusters.
Transformers was spectacular, funny, action-packed and - most importantly - entertaining.
If, shortly before shooting the sequel, Michael Bay could spend six weeks furiously masturbating over some 8x10 glossy pictures of military hardware to really get that out of his system, I'm sure that Transformers 2 could be even better.