Sometimes i think about what things would have been like if i my AUNT didnt call the ambulance.  Would i have died right then, i sometimes wonder if what i did had any effect on me at all sometimes io wish my aunt would have just let me die!!!! But other times im so glad to be alive and with all the people who i love and love me. Im just so messed up i know i would be happier if i was gone happy for my self but i wouldnt be happy if my family grieved for me. i wouldnt want them to feel bad atleast not because of the stupid mistakes ive mad in my life. but i guess sometimes we do things that turn out okay for the love of family. 

does that make any sense?

Im to confused with my life i DONT KNOW WHAT I WANT ANYMORE all i know is I NEED TO BE ALIVE FOR MY FAMILY not for me but for THEM.