Never in my life have I felt so insignificant, as if everything is completely out of my hands and the only thing that can validate all of this frustration is a simple acknowledgement from a single important person. Every second I find myself stuck in the middle of a worn out cliche, unable to carry out a normal day. Memories and "what if"s cloud my mind at every given oportunity and cease to break their hold. Other people’s opinions... their carring thoughts.. their attempts to convince me that what I’m desperately seeking is fake... they all fail. At the depth of which I’ve fallen, nothing can reach me. In my head theres a voice that blocks everything out. It gives me reason to believe that in the end everything will find its solution... that all of these loose ends will no longer exist... but i know its not the truth... its simply a lingering feeling of desperation, of ignorance... of moral decay. Even knowing all of this, i dont want to stop believing. At this point its no longer about working towards a goal or persuing a challenge, its now a loosing battle to regain what once made me the happiest person in the world. I want that feeling back... I want to finally know what its like to have it...  to be able to go to bed at night, knowing that it belongs to me and it’l never leave me. Ive already made up my mind that its all I want... nothing else matters... nothing else holds even the slightest bit of comparable value to me.. but it teases me... messes with my head and its vulnurablitly. I dont know if its done simply to keep me wanting more or if it too wishes be a part of the final solution. Either way, my thoughts have never been fully understood or taken into consideration, but I have only myself to blame... because I still have so much to say... but I fear I’ll never have the oportunity... and theyll never be known.