(sigh)...

It's 1:21 a.m. and I should be in bed because I have school tommorow. I'm watching The Cosby Show in my room with the light on. My brother and dad in the basement watching Saving Private Ryan and my mom sleeping.

I feel like at times I'm not seeing what's real, I'm living in a fantasy world. I have so many goals and plans I hope to accomplish one day. I had to write about it in a blog, my own electronic diary. I just had to let it out and can't keep this bottled up any longer.

I hope that one day I can become a positive role model for people, as many hobbies and goals that I have, it's pretty hard to imagine not doing something with it. They always say don't give up on your dreams. I been there and done that soooo many times, kind of like before Kanye was out there. All day he would be in his room making beats and writing lyrics, no showers and focusing hard on his goals. That to me is someone that really wants it if they don't take showers and have to have someone tell you to take one.

I feel like if you have dreams in your life and you want to pursue them, then don't give up, sometimes you have to really push forward and keep doing what you do. You can't expect a record deal to fall in your lap, a million dollars, an agent for acting or modeling, you have to work for it sometimes.

I'm known as a starving artist, I will do whatever it takes to make it out here in this world. I will sell my whole shoe collection in order to make money to use that for something much more. At times I fee like I'm not living, or even seeing whats in sight. I think and dream so much no one can understand. It's so mind boggling I feel no existance.

This feeling is crazy because I want to do so much and accomplish so much in my life it's crazy. I work my butt off to really put myself out there as well as every other hard working person. If you can do it than so can I, and if I can do it then so can you. This just goes out to those that have dreams and want to accomplish them, just don't give up on the talents that the man upstairs gave you, believe you can achieve and just do it, NIKE did... lol

I watch people like Russell Simmons, Diddy, Jay-Z, Oprah and others, mainly business people that inspire me to become a positive role model, that's all I try to do. I'm not trying to become something negative. I feel everyone needs a good role model, especially young kids, to put them on the right path and not get mixed up into drugs and alcohol. Thats not what the youth needs in their lives.

I can understand many kids gre up poor, without a mother, father or both, and raised around negative things, but there is a way to make it out there and become something. I'm hungry with what I'm doing and just hope for the best...dream big

Good Night

Sincerely,

Melissa