I guess today I am just in a very weird mood. I have been catching up on my friends blogs and it seems there must be something in the air right now. Maybe autumn brings strange feelings or the weather changes drive us crazy the constant drama of ups and downs.

And by now I am sure you have no idea of what I am trying to say because my mind is so full of thoughts very much like a run away train ~lol~..Too many thoughts/feeling/too many emotions, just too many, too much everything, and I feel as if my head is going to explode so I will just ramble and vent.

I guess just start writing and maybe you can figure me out~lol~ or not!

I have been in a relationship for about 14 years as of this month..hmm maybe that has something to do with it..This relationship was and is online and phone.we depend on each other just as we depend on breathing. And imagining going on without this other which is our souilmate is totally unimaginable. Things have gotten so natural we talk about anything and I do mean anything and everything, no subject is taboo.

Most of you probably don't realize how damn hard a relationship by phone,email and internet is. It is the hardest type of relationship.

In person you never really get to know the deep down thoughts of your mates.
Not the real deep, that are buried under religious and moral upbrings.

The internet and email allows us to express and explore our hopes, dreams and fantasies, delve into each others psyches', places so deeply buried we would have never, ever, in our real life would have  told a soul. our deepest secrets and fears revealed.

It is not so hard for alot of you reading this to say bullshit, and I don't know what I am talking about and thats cool, but the ones reading that have been involved with online/phone/email relationships will agree, you get to know the other on a whole different level that you never imagined possible.
 
Its like a total mind and soul link you are so intertwined in the other its hard to know where one begins and the other ends. You finish each others sentances. You know every inflection of the others voice and demeanor. You can't hide even though you are not physically face to face.

In face to face relationships you can hug the other person, kiss and make it better for short times, usually involving the hiding of grudges and cloaking of real issues/emotions but internet and phone you may think it should be easy but its not. The other knows you in ways you can't ever imagine or explain to any rational human except someone else in this kind of relationship..

Have I lost you yet ??~lol~

The worst part of this kind of relationship is the extreme jealousy. There is nothing worse. The ugly head of rage pops up and always hurts both parties deeper than stabbing with the knife ..

When this red, hot, rage rears its ugly head, it destroys every thing in its path as this rage is all consuming and more explosive because of the distance and the  'not being able to calm each others fears with soothing hugs and kisses'.

Only the strong survive.

Patience is a virtue but it is the only thing that keeps this gruesome emotion on an evel keel to get past it..

Understanding that this rage consumes and if you really are soul mates you will get over it. But it will always return once in awhile,  it is one of the flaws of being human and apart. The need and wanting makes us do and say crazy things..People always blame things on the heat of passion well that statement is absolutely true.

Men and woman are both insecure at times but I find woman more outspoken about jealousy than men..Women as a rule tend to explode and say and do petty shit where as I find men stew for long periods before they erupt..

So today patience and understanding our my words of the day!

Have a good one!