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this year has been one of the best and one of the worst of my short life. there were lots of fun shows but lots of bands broke up. there were lots of people i met and lots i lost all friendship with. there was lots of music worked on but lots of not giving a fuck by everyone.
every year i grow a little older, and some of my youthful excitement and optimism dies along with me. it doesn't feel good to wake up in the morning and know that you're alone. friends come and go, and always do what's best for them. you have to learn that you're always yourself and you can't depend on anyone. but does that mean that you should let people stop depending on you? no. not at all.
there have been lots of back and forths inside myself about many things. girls, friends, school, jobs. it hurts to know that something was good and is now gone, but nothing gold can stay.
2007 started on a good note, and is going to end on a good note, but all the wishwash inbetween seems kind of like a blur of joy and disappointment, love and hate, hope and hopelessness.
i have a certain thing that i wanna talk about. i once heard geoff rickly talk about irony and how all of pop culture is based on irony. i don't want to grow up ironic. i want to grow up just as passionate as i am right now, just as passionate as i was 5 years ago being a young 14 year old kid getting into punk. read the quote on my main page from a review of the texas is the reason reunion shows. don't ever forget what it feels like to be young and unrestrained and full of fucking passion.
last night in the car with some good friends, we discussed how for people years come in odd or even numbers. some people have had better odd number years, but i myself have had much better even number years. 2002- first warped tour, 8th grade, shows, friends, first bands, girlfriend. 2004- scarlet effect, sophmore year, lots of new friends, girlfriends galore, youthful optimism up the ass. 2006- senior year of high school, good music, good friends, looking forward to college, best summer ever.
it's hard to believe that 2008 is here. i will be 20. some of my favorite memories are almost a decade behind me. but the problem is that i am just learning to respect those memories and look forward to making new ones. every day i am scared of death. i am scared of being alone and having no one to care for and to care for me. every person i have thought i could have shared that with, has come and gone, leaving me here to write about it in my blog instead of having a real conversation. but i'm looking upwards and hoping that now things will change and i will finally figure it all out.
i will be ending 2007 and starting 2008 with one of my best friends and my favorite band. i will be surrounded by people who i have had a connection with for years, even if it's only a mutual love for a group of musicians on stage.
what i hope for 2008: to get in shape finally after years of BSing, to put out a record with this band, to play lots of shows, to do better in school, to finally be comfortable with myself, to find that one person who i can share things with and to respect my past while forging forward. look forward to the future, but never forget the past.
well i guess that's all i have to say right now.
come out to the 2nd empires show on friday. we have a surprise or two. who knows how long it'll be before we play again, or if we even ever do. this band could be over saturday morning and it wouldn't surprise me at all, but it would be one more thing to chalk up in the loss column. in 2008 i'm finally looking to balance that column out.
love and happiness. fun and joy. passion and unrestraint. youth and optimism. i love everyone and hope that togetherness comes for us all.
steve
 | Currently listening:
Sky Blue Sky
By Wilco
Release date: 15 May, 2007 |
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8:36 PM
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