Well, it seems its time again for another blog. Having taken something of a hiatus from writing I feel its time to just let it all out...

So, what's on my mind? I wonder whether life is about happy coincidences or whether its possible to expect certan things will happen in your life just because you want them to? I don't believe that anything is ever random. Things occur because they are meant to, and the reasons being because we have something to learn.

There have been times when I have felt like I'm pushing so hard to want things to happen, (never a good thing), and the minute I decide I will let things take their natural course (for some reason) everything turns out for the better. I think I must be a slow learner, well, I'm impatient. I like everything to happen NOW, no time to wait for the computer to start up, no time to wait for cars to drive past before I cross the road (and look both ways before doing so) and ouch! Only centimetres from that speeding car. I don't care that the driver shook his fist at me in...I'm trying to make him believe that he needs to be alert for idiots like me to cross the road when he least expects!

Like I said, I like everything to happen NOW.

Anyway, being the left-wing, bleeding heart liberal that I am, I also admit that in reading tarot cards (yes, I do feel it makes me seem like a needless flake), but I have never cared for what other people think. I also on occasion like to read up on astrology and learn more about what y subconscious wants by listening to my dreams (in the instance that I can rememebr them).

Tapping into the psyche in this way has proven sometimes useful for me... (because I always want to know what the likelihood of something happening or moving forward might be), and because I like to think that there is more to life than what we see physically in front us. I want to believe in ghosts (good ghosts), and I want to know that I am being looked after by the people who were here before me, like my grandparents.   

So in reading the tarot (other than for pure entertainment) I get a certain amount of satisfaction knowing that I can possibly change the outcome of events in my life (duh!).Ok, so maybe anyone can do this...! Well, what I am elluding to is that in acknowledging what I want and where I need to be, and seeking clarification through pictures on cardboard and a guide book to tell me what the pictures mean in a particular sequence...I feel relieved...secure in the knowledge I have gleaned.

Anyway, that was a bit of backstory to the inspiration.   Maybe what i am going to say is common sense? (Something that seems inevitably to evade me most f the time). A few years ago someone very wise once told me to write down everything I wanted to happen in my life, this would have a timeline, I would write down all the things I would want as ideals in my work and home life. the person never said that any of this would actually eventuate, but i had nothing to lose.

I guess after revisiting my notes (something which you could call a goal map), its strange to see that I have achieved everything I have written down according to my list. I've always been a planner ( I would tell myself that i want to do certian things by year X etc). I didn't necessarily write anything down, and these things have come to fruition.

What I wonder about is...how powerful is THOUGHT?

A dear friend has suggested that people put thoughts out into the universe and its almost like (those who are meant to), catch those thoughts and connections are made. This intrigues me.

People intrigue me and peak my curiosity on a daily basis.

Without coming into contact with the people I have met, who I might feel drawn to, compelled to want to learn more about, (so I can grow and aspire to have a life as rich as theirs seem to me), I continue in turn to be inspired.

I am loathe to use cliches (for i was brought up on a myriad of them) and on hearing my fathers voice could predict the next one tumbling forth from his mouth. The things I value most in life are the things that cannot be bought.  

If only life was that simple, and we could go and buy a sense of humour (if we lacked in this department) etc, but life is more interesting for the things we also can't predict. I like the challenge of not knowing and creating my futurewithmy imagination, through dreaming, and then waking to the rality that i can ut the dream or vision into action.

If I couldn't do that I wouldn't be human. I think that everyone desires the chance to make something of all that they dream about, and really no dream is too big.

Have I been reading too many "self -help books" lately?

I wish I had time and then I might try(although I'd rather be living my life and 'doing' rather than reading about doing'.

Its like that thing of being an actor and not feeling like an actor unless you're actually acting. Well, to be honest, every actor needs to have something they can attach themselves to, something they can promote, otherwise noone will ever believe you to be what you say you are. You might be an actor one day, and working in a coffee shop the next? Does that make you an actor pretending to work in a coffee shop, or a coffee shop worker thinking he/she is an actor? Its a tough one?

I don't work in a coffee shop (and although I love the smell of coffee), it does the opposite to me of what its supposed to do- I get migraines, feel lethargic, my head goes cloudy and generally I feel like crap! I can't even drink decaf!  I have found that camomile tea does wonders for creating that sense of calm in myself (although I have become less highly strung with age). Ii like to drink my tea slowly, and it has to be hot, burn your mouth hot! Otherwise its a disappointment...

Following on from the previous paragraph, I learnt a trick that no matter what job I am doing, that everything is like acting. I work for an organisation where every day is strange, crazy, predictably unpredicable.I wouldn't have it any other way, (that would make me cringe). I hate routine most of all and have become accustomed to something Ii didn't know existed "Chinese Time". Its rots lie in a similar place as Island Time- basically meaning I find it difficult to turn up on time. Once I kept a date waiting for almost an hour (and it was our first date!). Oops! Theres something that irks me about the need for being on time.

Thats quite a contradiction I know, (esp considering I am impatient and can't wait for other people to cross the road, for the clothes to finsih spinning in the wash). There is that sense of urgency I have about getting things done  (as long as its on my time).  I'm probably starting to sound very selfish... I am!

And right now I am relishing in my unique position to have created the perfect avenue for myself to be inspired. I have a legitimate reason to have people come to me, because they want to be heard, and I for the most part I want to hear them! I like to hear people tell me their stories, to reveal themselves. I want to know what makes people tick. All the meanwhile I am ticking, my mind is ticking over quickly, because I am being inspired by what I am hearing, by the creative visions that are being described to me, and I want to be part of this vision.

I also want to create a vision that others will want to have a part in, to play and experiment, and feel alive because I am doing something creative that I might be able to share with others, so that in seeing or hearing what I am doing you might be able to take some of that with you, and ponder it for a minute, a day, or you may remember an image that comes to mind years later.

Thats what keeps me inspired, because other creative people are doing what they love! 

There are some things I love doing more than others and there have been times I have questioned why I wanted to be an actor. Always I have come back to the one thing. Stories. I want to 'live' stories, and share them. Some actors want attention- to be famous, to be known... My wants are simple.

Which brings me back to random events and inspiration. For now I am content to keep looking to the future... but only so much, so I can still remain in the moment.