Had a strange dream this morning (my REM time is usually between 4 & 6 am).

I was in my old Phoenix STUDIO apartment when a middle-aged, slightly overweight MILF... JUST WALKS IN! She had 4 young teenage children with her.

I demanded to know who she was AND WHY SHE JUST WALKED INTO MY TINY APARTMENT!

I'm worrying about her kids stealing or breaking my stuff. She's sitting on my lap, with us on the couch watching TV with HER kids.

My hands, being the man's hands they are, end-up in places on her body THAT I REALLY ENJOYED. No sex though (HER KID'S WERE THERE FOR GOD'S SAKE!).

The dishwater blonde woman had a large bruise on the inside of her right leg. It shocked & bothered me. I thought, "Varicose veins? Was she beaten: in an accident?"

Her kids kept telling us to just ignore them: maybe even go into the bathroom for a shower. They all giggled and laughed which made me feel self-conscious about the way I felt for their attractive but blemished mother.

The now pleasant dream ended with her smiling and giving me a gentle kiss on my neck. She was purring like cat sitting in a comfortable lap.

I woke up thinking about that wierd dream phenomenon in which the feelings of life are rarely like those experienced in a dream.

Who in my sub-conscious mind was the dreamgirl supposed to represent? Was she a wet dream terminated early (eeuuughh!)? Then it hit me. The short, voluptuous, little thing was a Barbara Ward THAT LIVED (lupus killed young Barbara after work and circumstance caused our relationship to fade away).

THIS WAS THE GROWN UP VERSION OF BARBARA WITH 4 CHILDREN COME BACK TO ME LIKE THE 1ST TIME WE HAD TO SEPARATE DUE TO MY JOB.

It is said that, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder."

Boy! It sure did for me. I loved her in absentia more than I ever could in presence.

I was SO THRILLED AFTER I WON MY LAWSUIT, GOT MY OLD JOB BACK, AND MOVED BACK TO PHOENIX. Over the telephone, Barbara congratulated me and said I could stay with her (in HER tiny studio apartment, identical to my old one).

The next sweltering July evening, I showed-up on Barbara's doorstep. She invited me in but seemed distant.

She told me she was dating a "cowboy"now: I couldn't stay at her place. I tried to give her an awkward hug but just shook her hand and left.

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder but... THE BODY GROWS DESPERATE FOR WHAT IT TRULY ENJOYED BEFORE THAT."

That and I think outside of the goofy girl thing of collecting odd knick-knacks and stuffed animals (koala bears in Barbara's case. Everywhere in her small apartment a koala bear was either staring at you or posed in a cute position)... SEX was Barbara's only other "hobby".

My schnauzer Gus and I spent a very strange feeling night at a motel across the street from the Glendale Community College. I could only wonder, "Why?" as the 4th of July fireworks exploded around us.

Somehow we went on another date, to go to I think it was a company dinner Barbara's company hosted (SRP: the Salt River Project where she worked as a data entry clerk). I felt like the Door Prize given to Barbara after her Grand Prize refused to go with her.

We went back at her apartment that evening. It was very awkward. Her place now felt like a stranger's home. That's when the lust Barbara had betrayed me for somehow overcame me. I performed something for the cute, dark redheaded, 20-something girl, that I had once been averse to. Although initially disgusted by it, I figured, "What the hell now." I took it as a going away present from a very earthy girl.

With that "act" Barbara welcomed me back into her life. She said " her cowboy" was rough and impatient with her pensive nature. I noticed bruises on her leg and neck. I asked her how she got them. She told me that, "Country", had no interest in the literate treasures and movies we loved to discuss. She didn't like the language he used around her either. She was a lady.

I moved into my first one bedroom apartment shortly after that. Barbara had us immediately "Christen it". I still have the pictures (of her VISITING the apartment! This was long before rich whores like Paris Hilton and Britney Spears turned lovemaking into perverted exhibitionism.).

After my triumphant and celebrated return to work (after 7 months of court battles and hard jobs). Well, in the words of the old popular, rock song by the Strawbns, "You don't get me, I'm part of the Union. You don't get me I'm part of the UNION... UNTIL THE DAY I DIE. UNTIL THE DAY I DIE!!!

The company that I had amicably worked worked 7 years for (the first 5 under the control of an honest, Greek Grandfather: a real Horation Alger success story, immigrating to America with nothing but the clothes on his back and a dream of working hard to someday own his own company. After he died, his spoiled Plantation Mentality Children fired our respected Plant Manager (Herman Stephan), started snorting the company profits up their noses and on goons to threaten and beat me and my fellow (now Steelworkers Local 7626!) employees. THE FIRED ME AGAIN: THE 3RD TIME IN LESS THAN 2 YEARS.

I had to leave Barbara again. Even though she once visited me and my parents in Las Vegas... I never saw her again after that.

I heard from someone that she had died of lupus a couple years later.

Now. All that is a dream.