What Monkey?
No - your other left. Over there.

You know who never gets older? Underage girls. Yep. And if they eat with chopsticks? Underasians. And if they live in Laguna Beach? Caucasians. When did Poppin Trunk Neons Glow Princess Cut Invisible Set become something that people say? Who? Ike Turner! Loud Mouth Grills by Martini now available at Dipt but for real - if you aint the type who can rock em right (ie: Trill) then they just gonna make you look like a special kid (and not special in the good way). Summers coming so get to Army Navy for all your west coast Dickie short needs. California raisins. Thats what Im gonna look like when Im older. Like a Firetruck with sunglasses on. Gully.

I copped a Kid N Play Funhouse cd the other day. On the back, Kids rocking a Malcolm X Fan Club shirt. What you know about that? Up and coming up young super duty tough work producers Zach and Kev got a new mix cd called Killing Time, and Neoterics got an all Canadian rap cd hosted by Maestro Fresh Wes called Exhibit Eh out now too. So get at all three of them (especially the Funhouse cd). Plus Arems and Sets got a west coast gangsta mix cd called Steady Mobbing out so gaffle that as well. Beatstreet got all the local cds so get em good. Has anyone ever met anyone whos both a Native and a Jewish? We gotta make one of those.

Enough with the plugs - on to the jokes. What do Michael Jackson and caviar have in common? Oh man, what could it be? Its gotta be something awful if its an MJ joke. Give up? They both come on little white crackers. Pause. Oh snap, no he didnt. Yes he did, yes he did. Terrible, terrible, funny. Duck, duck, goose. Say it out loud. Joke courtesy of that guy, Jay O Smooth, who got it from some other guy. Im balling like Jesus Christ on the cross. Or at least like Nas playing Jesus Christ while rapping on a cross while wearing an iced out cross. Do people wear other ill shit like Platinum Atom Bombs and Mushroom Clouds chains? Lord Willing by the Clipse is as Christian as I get. The Clipse are my shit. The Clipse U Akbar. Jose Cuervo, nahwhutimsayin though.
The new Mobb Deep Blood Money got some good cuts on it. I recommend Pearly Gates, Capital P Capital H and Creep. Weed is now grass (again) and everyone else kicks the most worst rap shit compared to Bandana Ps verse.

Okay, okay, lets see. Oh yeah, the Hyphy edition of Whats Good Saturday at the Met was dope. Mad kids showed up and my man Rico Impossible killed it but I think everyone missed the point. (Like I know what the point is but whatevski). Hyphy is Go Dumb music. That means that your literally supposed to dance like youre special (and thats special in the good way). I didnt see any Thizz faces or crazy dance shit and thats what I wanna see. You cant look uncool if your dancing like a stroke victim (somehow). Be about it. Go Dumb people. Ill give you all a chance to redeem yourself at the new night Welfare Party aka Welfare Wednesday thats taking place on the last Wednesday of every month at Tokyo Lounge. It will be the best place to be, I guarantee that. (And I lie all the time!)

It was Alexis Mazurins birthday the other day HAPPY BIRTHDAY. Best guy ever.


TOP 5 :
1. Welfare Party at Tokyo
2. True Romance (the movie, I dont know about real life)
3. Amil Niazi & Flipout?
4. Iron Chef (not the American version though)
5. Ruffles Sour Cream N Bacon chips
6. Project Pat (Good googly moogly that thing is juicey!)
7. Wu-Tang as a musical genre
8. Cheese (not American cheese though)
9. Welfare Wednesdays at Tokyo