I suppose I already have come out in the past but people chose to ignore. No suprises there.
I mean come out in terms of something that I have I have to hide from people to fit in. There are some people I trust enough to tell, then there are others that I've told time and time again but they choose to ignore it.
I'm not the type of person that can be called nuerotypical, that is having the development of a 'normal' brain. I have Asperger's syndrome with comorbid (but undiagnosed) traits of dyspraxia, ADHD, sensory integration dysfunction and mild dyslexia. The dyslexia is nothing, it's managable - the others aren't.
This year I have struggled so much with taking photos of bands because of my Asperger's. I have aversion to crowds (read as: people tend to piss me off) and I have a hypersensitivity to noise. A loud and crowded gig is the last place I should be, but I still do it. Why? Because I'm good at photography and I may sometimes not have sensory issues at gigs, but I can never be sure when.
At the last gig I was at I had a shutdown. It wasn't the first and definitely not the last. Basically it is my body shutting down. My senses become even more sensitive; noise goes from annoying to painful. I'm much more clumsy on my feet and I do repetitive movements to calm down (stims).
I don't know why I'm even bothering to tell you this. You'll just ignore it again. Maybe I just want people to understand what it's like to be me. Every day it's like this.
So many times I've tried to give this photography up, even before I knew that I had Asperger's. Is it even worth it anymore?
 | Currently listening:
Bayside
By Bayside
Release date: 2005-08-23 |
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