So I made it through the holidays!  Even my birthday has come and gone.  I started my new job on December 10th and I absolutely love it.  Dont get me wrong, after having been there a month all the little annoyances have started to surface, but nothing I can't handle.  I am busy every day and there is never a dull moment. 

I think its in my personality to be constantly reflective.  Over the past couple of weeks you would think that I would have been able to be excited and happy about things in my life.  I have however felt the same negativity that always seems to creep up on me.  Feeling as though I got knocked down the hill and I am once again having to climb back up. 

I am on the upclimb at the moment and coming out of those low lying dark clouds.  I am thankful and appreciative of my friends and family who always stick by me and talk me out of that fog.  I see things differently now.  I see the habits of the past and want to break my never ending cycle.  I want to be able to accept and work for the positive instead of settling for the negative. 

There is someone special in my life for the past 7 mo and I havent given them enough credit.  Never given them a fair chance because I didnt feel like I deserved it.  They have stuck by me and still wanted to be there even when I acted in ways that would make most men run for the hills!!

I still have certain fears that stem from the past but I really do want to begin accepting the things that deep down I have always wanted and know I deserve.  Its been a hard process for me.  I never learned the fundamentals and now having to learn them later in life.  I want to be the most awesome person in that relationship that I can be and I find it frustrating when I let my fears take control.

Anyway, I have rambled on enough about all this, just felt like I needed to share my thoughts.  I hope everyone is having a great weekend.