Well, I just got back from Vegas and what a trip I had.
Great shows, amazing parties, great crowds, and I left
with a few more dollars than I brought. What a trip.
That LV really is my kind of town...

I played in five poker tournaments while I was there. The
first one was at Treasure Island. They had 38 players and
I took third place. That was good for $450 which got the
trip off to a nice start pokerwise. I actually had a great
shot at first in that one but on my last hand I flopped
a set, got it all-in against a drunk fool, and watched
him go runner-runner to make a flush. If you don't
play poker, suffice it to say that my opponent got a
bit lucky on that one :)

The second tournament I played was at Venetian. They
had 69 players and I finished in first place and I won
over $3,000! Hey, when you're hot you're hot. In this
tournament, I had to deal with a lot of people trying to
intimidate me. This tournament gets a lot of regulars,
local pros who basically go there every night and beat
up on the tourists. Well, not this night. New York is in
the house and I used their egos against them.

One guy at my table was a real jerk and he kept trying
to get information from me about my hands. He was so
obnoxious! But I'm a comedian. I know how to deal with
hecklers. I just said, "Steve, you strike me as a very
strong poker player, so our conversations from this
point forward will be strictly one-sided." The whole
table laughed and Steve went on tilt. It was funny.
I have learned that when a solid player is also a
loud, obvoxious jerk it doesn't pay to talk tough. He
just wants respect, so I am happy to give it to him. I
don't play poker for respect. I play for money. You
can have respect. I'll take the money any day!

I took third place the next day at Treasure Island. It
was just $100 but a win is a win, and for those who
don't play poker I'll just say that cashing in three
straight tournaments is not a common occurence :)

Here's the best part of my little story: I freaking hit
a jackpot on a stupid slot machine! I put $100 into
a Monopoly nickel slot and won $5,000. I can't tell
you how unlikely that was but my guess is that the
odds were somewhere around 600,000 to 1. I can't
believe my luck. See my default picture to see one
happy poker tournament/jackpot winner.

Well, of course I spent all the money on booze
and whores but it was fun while it lasted. I'm
kidding of course. Who needs booze...