Maybe I should change the title on this to "WTF?" I guess call me stupid (some of you probably are right now) because I don't think I will ever understand people.

Last night I attended an event for Lambda Legal - during the discussions it was mentioned about a case down south (Arkansas I think) where an older gentleman who has to take some pills for HIV was kicked out of a retirement home. That's all - just pills - no other treatments. HUH?? I mean, how does someone justify this - how do they say this to the public without just flat out lying? I mean did they make something up and say he smelled or something? What if something happened to me because of my cancer, could they kick me out too? And what went through the mind of the person who had to make this ultimate decision - what kind of hateful thoughts filled his or her mind?

There are people in the world who use others. They say they would never hurt you and yet right in front of you they use you to get what they want. Some are gay and some are straight - and in many cases, the gay people think they are above being judged for their mean-spirited behavior because they too are gay. I don't get it. I don't understand.

I once befriended someone and ended up helping her through a traumatic time in her life - in many many ways - and yes, monetarily to the tune of $60K in one year. Once she was better, she disappeared - just up and moved one weekend without a word. Strangely enough - a few years later, I was in ATL and listening to the morning drive time radio - they were giving away tickets to the Oscars - I heard a familiar voice and then she said her name. It was her! She was once again living in the same city as I. A simple review through my employer at the time found her address. I never contacted her. I could not think of any reason why. I knew I would never see the money again, but honestly, I did not want it - it was more of WHY? Why did she do it to me? None of her friends could ever explain it either.

A local person - someone I cared deeply for as a friend - just stopped talking to me one day. No reason - nothing. I asked. She would not reply or respond. To this day I have never found out why and yet many of my friends continue to hang out with her. I never ask them, nor do I try any more to find out. But it hurts - deeply...

I read the story on someone's FB this morning about the lesbian couple and the hospital visitation refusal. I don't get it. Why? And I think back to November of last year - traveling back and forth to LA to see my ex, who passed in December. There was one night - late - they could not find the papers (new head nurse person) and refused me in to see her. They had to wait until a "family" member was present. It was late, and she was sleeping and only family could be there unless papers were filed - they had already been - they could not find them. I was denied entry for almost 2 hours. They found the papers and let me in. No one apologized. Not a single person. In Los Angeles!! (I am glad I left) I don't get it. What were they protecting? We were together at the time. I mean, what was the point?

None of these things make any sense to me. Prop 8? I don't get it. Denying same sex marriage? I don't understand. Fox News? I will NEVER understand them. Sean Hannity - oh well, a lost cause there. The KKK? The Nazis? None of them will I ever understand. Someone please tell me - why is the world filled with so much anger, hatred and misunderstanding?

Musicians create music about peace and people call them anti-God. John Lennon wrote "Imagine" not about not believing in God but because he envisioned a world of pure peace - no boundaries and on one judging anyone for anything - and yet people claimed he was bad for doing that. I don't understand it. I even remember watching a 700 club broadcast many (many) years ago when they discussed this saying what a terrible song it was and children should be prevented from listening to it.

A few months ago I wrote about a musicians family who condemned me because their son did not make it to the finals of Open Mic. They claimed that no one doing "covers" should be allowed to win and that their son was going to Berklee... Music is not about that! Music is beautiful and sometimes I wish we did not have a competition, but then I realize it does help to get money to people who otherwise might not make it. But honestly, I could not understand this family no matter how hard I tried. What is wrong with doing a cover and why, just because their son was going to Berklee - well, why does that make him better than anyone else? Later on I found a very hateful write up in a "blogging/rating" website about the incident. I did not share it but talk about being filled with anger and hate. I cried.

Would someone please explain people to me - please. Maybe I just don't get it or never will. I know I try.

I won't stop doing what I do. I won't stop trying to make a difference in this world - but perhaps - the entire time, I will do it while I am in this state of confusion, because honestly, I will never understand hate, or prejudice, or mean-ness or people that use others, or...

:-(
Kat