7:36am. No such time should ever be so natural for a 20-year-old to wake up. Especially after the horrid series of bizarre, battering dreams and nightmares that came with the night before. Being as follows:

1. An ex boss/uncle calling me that they're bringing me back onto their schedule, but only on saturdays, and only from 12:30pm to 2:30pm.
2. Yet another horrid hallucination of waking up, wanting to scream,  but not being able to even exhale.
3. Driving in a cherry red sportscar with an ex, whom I'm apparently wanted to ravage the living shit out of. Then somehow; somewhere, being chased by some random gang of bandits and the rest is turned into a blur.

Along with that roster came a few others, but they're lost in the haze of conciousness, for the time being.


There's not much worth saying after such, and i realize that now. Most can simply ramble on and act as if they have things truly worth reading. Whereas i try to keep my readers on the edge of the seats, but with how or what, i have no fucking clue.
Lately such a feeling or helpless boredom has creeped its way into life's daily emotional regimen, with the wreckless abandon that I'm used to seeing from my own lifestyle.

So to kick off what i hope will be a new series of blog entries in the longest time... i have nothing. Other than random thoughts that have been circulating themselves around my psyche like crows around my cross-legged sitting corpse.

 I can see now why so many other kids have such a hard time figuring out what their major should be when it comes to furthering their education beyong Billy-Jim-Bob's Cirtificate of Completion level. I just started summer morning classes last week and it's taking a significant toll on my self esteem and perception.
It's hard to find inspiration or passion in something that feels neither in return for you.

 American youth may be getting more technologically knowledgable, but at what cost of their natural instict and intelligence? If there is still an MTV culture in America, it's been overrun by the very same vermin that MTV used to symbolize the split from. It may always appear this way in every decade, century or era, but idiocy has seemed to be come trendy in today's day and age. Our nation has grown out it's hair, bleached it blond, and has covered it's one open-minded eye a black combover with bright pink highlights. The west is starting to go green, the southeast is blowing out it's 17th birthday candles in its third trimaster, and the rest is just a mix that has yet to make itself known.

There should be distinct line in the sand between saying you're a fan of vampires, and a fan of "Twilight". Period.
(Same thing goes with metal & "metalcore"
Jesus & magical Jew zombie,
Covering/paying homage to a song & Ripping it off for the melody and samples,
and finally,
Auto-tuners & actual musical talent)

I have no idea where this urge came from, but lately I've been rather concerned with my own image and physical appearence. Not even in a "hey, i feel like going to the gym!" sense, just in a paranoid sense of self-tastelessness. Most who catch me looking into a mirror mistakes it for some rediculous coveted sense of vanity, when in all actuality, it is the fact that i'm being noticed that is driving me to my own reflection. With a 300lb, 50-something father who continues to deteriorate into a cartoon/noir figure of failure in denial, childish indulgence and depression, it has become more apparent that my own fate could be sealed by my own heredity. If i dont make any and every attempt to fight off said demons and become more than what litte an overly-proud diabetic meat slab has promised me.

I should add more to this later on, or simply add another entry by the end of today.
Till either, take care,
sneak into Heaven one day before the devil knows you're dead.