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Rebel S. Nerd, Future Jeopardy! Champ

Rebel Gunslinger


Last Updated: 11/24/2009

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Gender: Female
Status: Married
Age: 32
Sign: Aries

City: ALTO
Country: US
Signup Date: 1/3/2007

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Saturday, October 24, 2009 
When I was six years old, the kind people at the local Wal-Mart invited my class to visit their store for a lesson in capitalism. Miss Minshew's class was lined up single file on the sidewalk, facing one of those big plastic sandboxes.

"Children," said the Wal-Mart manager, "do you know what money is?"

Miss Minshew's class all hollered, "Yes!"
 
"Good. Do you know what money is for?"

We stared at her. "It's to buy things," she said. "Like your parents do when they come to Wal-Mart. Now, I have a very special surprise for you. Does everyone see the sandbox?"

"YES," I screamed with the rest of the class.

"We have buried one hundred dollars worth of one dollar bills and five dollar bills inside that sandbox, and when I blow this whistle, I want you all to run to the sandbox and start digging. You get to keep whatever you find, but you have to spend it inside Wal-Mart."

The class lost it's fucking mind. As soon as Ms. Wal-Mart touched the whistle around her neck, the entire class bolted toward the treasure. I dove into the box with Jennifer Carter hot on my heels. She landed on top of me, her left knee crushing my ribcage. My best friend, Stormy Garcia, elbowed me in the nose, and Shawn Smith threw sand in my eyes. I soldiered through the pain and frantically clawed at the sand, desperate to claim my share of the treasure. My hands touched paper, and I pulled out a five dollar bill, only to have it snatched from my hand by Missy Spencer, who ran towards Miss Minshew, hollering, "Rebel tried to take this five dollar bill I found."

I didn't get to buy anything at the Wal-Mart, so I sat in the sandbox while the rest of the class shopped, nursing my wounds.

Fucking Wal-Mart.
hipbilly
Billy, comma, Hip .

 
HAHAHAHAHAHHAAAAAAHHHAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAA!!!!!

Oh, whew, gotsdayam...

 
Posted by hipbilly on Sunday, October 25, 2009 - 12:00 AM
[Reply to this
Rebel S. Nerd, Future Jeopardy! Champ
Rebel Gunslinger

 
I hate that it happened to me.

 
Posted by Rebel S. Nerd, Future Jeopardy! Champ on Sunday, October 25, 2009 - 12:10 AM
[Reply to this
hipbilly
Billy, comma, Hip .

 
I hate that it happened to you too, darlin'.

 
Posted by hipbilly on Sunday, October 25, 2009 - 12:13 AM
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Rebel S. Nerd, Future Jeopardy! Champ
Rebel Gunslinger

 
I like that John Prine song. Watch this guy play it on ukulele. Think he's stoned?



 
Posted by Rebel S. Nerd, Future Jeopardy! Champ on Sunday, October 25, 2009 - 01:41 AM
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hipbilly
Billy, comma, Hip .

 
Yup. But I like it.

 
Posted by hipbilly on Sunday, October 25, 2009 - 01:52 AM
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Rebel S. Nerd, Future Jeopardy! Champ
Rebel Gunslinger

 
Me too. I find it strangely sweet. We should invite him to hang out with us.

 
Posted by Rebel S. Nerd, Future Jeopardy! Champ on Sunday, October 25, 2009 - 01:54 AM
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hipbilly
Billy, comma, Hip .

 
Hell yups. It's unamourus.

 
Posted by hipbilly on Sunday, October 25, 2009 - 02:04 AM
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ZEMMIWINKLE in time

 
Hell Yes. You think he makes that sound. You know, that 'goat' sound?

 
Posted by ZEMMIWINKLE in time on Sunday, October 25, 2009 - 02:05 AM
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Rebel S. Nerd, Future Jeopardy! Champ
Rebel Gunslinger

 
I hate that goat sound. Makes me want to punch him in the gullet.

 
Posted by Rebel S. Nerd, Future Jeopardy! Champ on Monday, October 26, 2009 - 02:07 PM
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ZEMMIWINKLE in time

 
HAHHA! My poor Rebelliousness! I'll give you $10, and sit in the sandbox with you. xo

 
Posted by ZEMMIWINKLE in time on Sunday, October 25, 2009 - 12:01 AM
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Rebel S. Nerd, Future Jeopardy! Champ
Rebel Gunslinger

 
Or, we could go hang out with cows and drink beer, and no money need change hands. xo

 
Posted by Rebel S. Nerd, Future Jeopardy! Champ on Sunday, October 25, 2009 - 12:11 AM
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Penrose
Jakob Lewis

 
I hope one of those green big ass ugly sandworms crawled right up Missy Spencer's snatch.
Either that or I hope she married an alcoholic wife beater and she's only got enough teeth left to qualify to be Miss Arkansas.

 
Posted by Penrose on Sunday, October 25, 2009 - 12:27 AM
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Rebel S. Nerd, Future Jeopardy! Champ
Rebel Gunslinger

 
I think genetics got to Missy Spencer. Even at six years old, she looked like Lurch. Ugly on the outside and inside. Fucking Missy Spencer.

 
Posted by Rebel S. Nerd, Future Jeopardy! Champ on Sunday, October 25, 2009 - 01:00 AM
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Chops Mc Lou

 
There's a lot of Missy Spencers out there.  I hope she chokes, the skanky beeyarch.
Wal-Mart sucks a big one. 

 
Posted by Chops Mc Lou on Sunday, October 25, 2009 - 12:43 AM
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Rebel S. Nerd, Future Jeopardy! Champ
Rebel Gunslinger

 
I crushed Missy Spencer in fourth grade when she didn't get the proper answer to Mrs. Brown's mystery of the week. I was the only one that solved the mystery of the week, so Mrs. Brown treated me to an extended picnic lunch at the park across from our elementary school. Missy was so jealous. Then, in the fifth grade read-a-thon I read more books than anyone else at school (382 in 4 months). Second place, Missy Spencer (157 books). There was another time that involved a pinata, but I don't want to bore you.

I hate Wal-Mart, but it is convenient for those times when you need some of everything.

 
Posted by Rebel S. Nerd, Future Jeopardy! Champ on Sunday, October 25, 2009 - 01:06 AM
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Paul Randall Buchanan
Paul Buchanan

 
What the hell were they thinking...
 
Posted by Paul Randall Buchanan on Sunday, October 25, 2009 - 12:55 AM
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Rebel S. Nerd, Future Jeopardy! Champ
Rebel Gunslinger

 
I don't know. People lived dangerously in the 80's.

 
Posted by Rebel S. Nerd, Future Jeopardy! Champ on Sunday, October 25, 2009 - 01:08 AM
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ZEMMIWINKLE in time

 
I would also like to add that your teacher did not seem too smart. seemed like she was setting up a fight.

 
Posted by ZEMMIWINKLE in time on Sunday, October 25, 2009 - 01:18 AM
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Rebel S. Nerd, Future Jeopardy! Champ
Rebel Gunslinger

 
Wal-Mart probably bribed her. She was a pretty nice lady. She didn't scream at me the lady I cried hysterically because I accidentally made a pencil mark on the white lace dress my aunt sent from New Mexico.

 
Posted by Rebel S. Nerd, Future Jeopardy! Champ on Sunday, October 25, 2009 - 01:34 AM
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Seb

 
So this is why you're a Communist, then?

 
Posted by Seb on Sunday, October 25, 2009 - 01:21 AM
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Rebel S. Nerd, Future Jeopardy! Champ
Rebel Gunslinger

 
While I still heartily endorse capitalism, I avoid sandboxes like the plague.

 
Posted by Rebel S. Nerd, Future Jeopardy! Champ on Sunday, October 25, 2009 - 01:35 AM
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El Solo Lobo
Temy Beal

 
What a wonderful story. I'm sorry it was a bad day for you. I do lurves me some Wally World though. I just wish they weren't so small and limited.
 
Posted by El Solo Lobo on Sunday, October 25, 2009 - 01:25 AM
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Rebel S. Nerd, Future Jeopardy! Champ
Rebel Gunslinger

 
It was a special day in my life. I learned valuable things. I'm glad that Wal-Mart exists. It plays a crucial role in my zombie apocalypse survival plan. Without them, all will surely perish.

 
Posted by Rebel S. Nerd, Future Jeopardy! Champ on Sunday, October 25, 2009 - 01:36 AM
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[Corpus] Christie
Christie Love

 
Hell.  Fucking.  Yes

Careful, Reb.  Your genius is showing.

 
Posted by [Corpus] Christie on Sunday, October 25, 2009 - 12:46 PM
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Rebel S. Nerd, Future Jeopardy! Champ
Rebel Gunslinger

 
It just makes more sense than the mall, what with all that ammo, shotguns, food and medicine.

 
Posted by Rebel S. Nerd, Future Jeopardy! Champ on Sunday, October 25, 2009 - 02:55 PM
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[Corpus] Christie
Christie Love

 
yup.  Too much space wasted on clothing in malls.  By then, we won't give a rat's ass about fashion (well, those who currently do, anyway)

 
Posted by [Corpus] Christie on Sunday, October 25, 2009 - 03:26 PM
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Rebel S. Nerd, Future Jeopardy! Champ
Rebel Gunslinger

 
And you can't survive on Orange Julius until the end of times. Does Orange Julius still exist?

 
Posted by Rebel S. Nerd, Future Jeopardy! Champ on Monday, October 26, 2009 - 02:08 PM
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Bob (aka Scibard)

 
You see, that's where education fails you.  If you had properly been taught the principles of capitalism, you would have stopped Spencer's nonsense with a drop kick to the groin. Tell your teacher you want your education money refunded or she gets it instead.



 
Posted by Bob (aka Scibard) on Sunday, October 25, 2009 - 05:06 AM
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Rebel S. Nerd, Future Jeopardy! Champ
Rebel Gunslinger

 
Very true. I should have eye-gouged that bitch when I had the chance. Miss Minshew, watch your ass.

 
Posted by Rebel S. Nerd, Future Jeopardy! Champ on Sunday, October 25, 2009 - 02:56 PM
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[Corpus] Christie
Christie Love

 
Who knew that screaming, snatching, cheating and lying would be the big capitalism lesson?  Leave it to Walmart to host a greedfest like that.  I can't come down too hard on Walmart, though, as it's the crux of my zombie apocalypse survival plan.

Missy was just jealous that you have an awesome name, and her fate as a future skank was sealed by hers.

 
Posted by [Corpus] Christie on Sunday, October 25, 2009 - 12:43 PM
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Rebel S. Nerd, Future Jeopardy! Champ
Rebel Gunslinger

 
I think it went a long way towards teaching me what it will be like to secure my local Wal-Mart in the apocalypse. I'm gonna hafta kick ass if I plan to rule.

Why would anyone name a child Missy? At least my parents had a valid reason for my name.

 
Posted by Rebel S. Nerd, Future Jeopardy! Champ on Sunday, October 25, 2009 - 03:00 PM
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[Corpus] Christie
Christie Love

 
It's kind of lazy, if you think about it.  Ever have that parent or grand parent that addressed you as Missy when they were trying to be stern with you ("Look here, Missy. . .", etc)?  I guess they figured they'd be pissed at her a lot, so why trouble with thinking up a proper name?

 
Posted by [Corpus] Christie on Sunday, October 25, 2009 - 03:29 PM
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Rebel S. Nerd, Future Jeopardy! Champ
Rebel Gunslinger

 
My grandpa always called me Bel Star for short (cause my middle name is Star) which is way cooler than Missy.

 
Posted by Rebel S. Nerd, Future Jeopardy! Champ on Monday, October 26, 2009 - 02:09 PM
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Bob (aka Scibard)

 
LOL.  "Look here Missy".   I wonder what her future husbands will call her?
 
Posted by Bob (aka Scibard) on Sunday, October 25, 2009 - 04:40 PM
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Rebel S. Nerd, Future Jeopardy! Champ
Rebel Gunslinger

 
My guess is "Psycho ex".

 
Posted by Rebel S. Nerd, Future Jeopardy! Champ on Monday, October 26, 2009 - 02:10 PM
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Lisa King

 
Was it a Super WalMart? Because they give free cookies;)
Could have still got a cookie=)
 
Posted by Lisa King on Tuesday, October 27, 2009 - 10:17 PM
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Rebel S. Nerd, Future Jeopardy! Champ
Rebel Gunslinger

 
Alas, no. These were the days prior to the advent of Super Wal-Mart. Just a plain ol' Wal-Mart with no cookie samples for me.

 
Posted by Rebel S. Nerd, Future Jeopardy! Champ on Tuesday, October 27, 2009 - 10:23 PM
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Troy, the Anti-Social Socialist

 
This sounds like indoctrination for shopping at Wal-Mart on the day after Thanksgiving.
 
Posted by Troy, the Anti-Social Socialist on Monday, November 02, 2009 - 01:45 AM
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Rebel S. Nerd, Future Jeopardy! Champ
Rebel Gunslinger

 
I'm pretty sure it was all part of Wal-Mart's plan for world domination.

 
Posted by Rebel S. Nerd, Future Jeopardy! Champ on Monday, November 02, 2009 - 03:29 PM
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