MySpace

Everybody Join In the Magnificence! Everything Is Absolutely Making Sense

blogs.myspace.com/rebelsnerd
MySpace.com | rss | sign in
Rebel S. Columbo [sumbitch]

Rebel Columbo


Last Updated: 12/18/2009

Send Message
Instant Message
Email to a Friend
Subscribe

Gender: Female
Status: Married
Age: 32
Sign: Aries

City: ALTO
Country: US
Signup Date: 1/3/2007

My Subscriptions
jackdaw!
fairy blue shannon
DUANE
The Handsome Family
mmharris.com
Jo
Aaron
Staley
Jessica
The Great Tyrant
Pepper
PostSecret
$EX Artiste!
Marty (Louisville)
Mal Content
Pantifesto's Porntastic Phunhouse (BadWriter)
Michelle
The War Kitten, Anti-Ninja
e-nene
Kahoopla
M@rty
chacal project
Jason
Sunny :)
Tommy
Corrupted Files
Katy
ZEMMIWINKLE in time [sumbitch]
GERDA WUNDER
Fag Sausage
Blonde Steel (Holly;s Less Hot, More White Sister)
hipbilly [sumbitch]
HHC [sumbitch]
bRo.V!c
the Corporate Zombie
Paul Randall Buchanan
Back Porch Wisdom [sumbitch]
Jonathon
Tuesday, November 10, 2009 
We were leaving the pawn shop last night, rehashing our day. We rounded the curve by the inappropriately named "Lucky Stop" when we heard a crunch and saw sparks from the transformer shoot into the sky. The light pole fell over, live wires falling on the hood of the truck that just hit it. Aunt Cheryl whipped her car onto the side street and handed me her cell phone before jumping out of the car to render aid.

"Call 911, tell 'em we've got live wires down," she yelled over her shoulder.

A crowd of folks gathered around the wreck, all hoping to be a hero. 911 promised that help was on the way. That didn't stop the shirtless white guy with the necktoo from kicking out the passenger side window.

"We've gotta get him out, the cab is filling with smoke!"

"Watch out for those live wires!"

They pulled a fat black man from the wreckage. The force of the impact knocked him out of his pants, and his junk was hanging out.

"Oh my god, that's Pookie," screamed a skinny black girl. She grabbed his face, whipping it back and forth. "Pookie! Pookie! Is you okay? Wait a minute...that ain't Pookie." She began to tug at his pants furiously, trying to bring them up to a modest level.

"Hon, we don't know if he has a broken neck or back, we need to just get him on the ground."

"But his junk is showing," the skinny black girl replied.

"The EMT's have seen junk before. We just need to stabilize him until help gets here."

The fat drunk guy was laying on the ground, his face covered in a shit eating grin. "I can't feel a thing," he said.

"I'm not surprised," Aunt Cheryl told me, "he smells like a brewery. If he's alright, he's going to jail tonight."


Currently listening:
The Carter Family: 1927-1934
By The Carter Family
Release date: 2002-04-30
03:04 PM
 
Print
Previous Post: Your gun girlfriend | Back to Blog List | Next Post: The end of fake Pookie's story, as told in the local newspaper
hipbilly [sumbitch]
Billy comma Hip

 
Dumbass. When I hit the light pole I made sure my britches stayed on.

That's some crazy shit to run across on yer way home, innit?

 
Posted by hipbilly [sumbitch] on Tuesday, November 10, 2009 - 03:56 PM
[Reply to this] 
Rebel S. Columbo [sumbitch]
Rebel Columbo

 
That's why I heartily endorse belts. I don't want a bunch of motherbitches lookin' at my junk.

I hit a house once when my step-mom was teaching me to drive a stick...

Yeah it was. Crazy thing was, if that pole hadn't a blocked him, he'd have hit us instead.

 
Posted by Rebel S. Columbo [sumbitch] on Tuesday, November 10, 2009 - 04:14 PM
[Reply to this] 
►Corpus◄ Christie [sumbitch]
Christie Love

 
Score, i hit a bank when i was learning :D  Cheap bastards never even repaired the stucco.

 
Posted by ►Corpus◄ Christie [sumbitch] on Wednesday, November 11, 2009 - 12:24 AM
[Reply to this] 
Rebel S. Columbo [sumbitch]
Rebel Columbo

 
I feel good that I'm not alone in car vs. building wrecks. My drunk uncle Mervis (of frogleg blog fame) drove his car through a liquor store, led police on a slow speed chase, and hid his head under the porch (just his head) under the mistaken impression that if he couldn't see them, they couldn't see him. He was wrong, and went to jail.

 
Posted by Rebel S. Columbo [sumbitch] on Wednesday, November 11, 2009 - 04:35 PM
[Reply to this] 
Chops Mc Lou [sumbitch]

 
Seat belts are compulsory here.  Stopped me from leaving the vehicle via the side window instead of the door.  Some woman doing her make-up smashed into the back of me.  Dumbass.  

I'm glad that twat never run you over.  

 
Posted by Chops Mc Lou [sumbitch] on Tuesday, November 10, 2009 - 08:55 PM
[Reply to this] 
Rebel S. Columbo [sumbitch]
Rebel Columbo

 
They're required here too, but I think if we made them optional, we might thin out the dumbfuck population.

I feel good about both of our survival, Chops.

 
Posted by Rebel S. Columbo [sumbitch] on Wednesday, November 11, 2009 - 04:36 PM
[Reply to this] 
hipbilly [sumbitch]
Billy comma Hip

 
They're compulsory here too, bro. Just some of us ain't compulsed so easy...

 
Posted by hipbilly [sumbitch] on Tuesday, November 10, 2009 - 11:37 PM
[Reply to this] 
Rebel S. Columbo [sumbitch]
Rebel Columbo

 
I don't get people that use clothes pins to make them looser. Who wants a fucking clothes pin jabbing their neck?

 
Posted by Rebel S. Columbo [sumbitch] on Wednesday, November 11, 2009 - 04:37 PM
[Reply to this] 
$EX Artiste!

 
I consider myself a careful, prudent man.  I wear a belt and suspenders.
 
Posted by $EX Artiste! on Tuesday, November 10, 2009 - 09:15 PM
[Reply to this] 
Rebel S. Columbo [sumbitch]
Rebel Columbo

 
That is wise. Color me impressed. If anyone sees your junk in public, it's a deliberate act. And artistic I'm sure.

 
Posted by Rebel S. Columbo [sumbitch] on Wednesday, November 11, 2009 - 04:38 PM
[Reply to this] 
Lisa King

 
Wow! Talk about a scene to come up on!
 
Posted by Lisa King on Tuesday, November 10, 2009 - 09:28 PM
[Reply to this] 
Rebel S. Columbo [sumbitch]
Rebel Columbo

 
It was pretty dramatic. Sparks shooting in the sky and people yelling. Spiced up an otherwise boring day.

 
Posted by Rebel S. Columbo [sumbitch] on Wednesday, November 11, 2009 - 04:39 PM
[Reply to this] 
ZEMMIWINKLE in time [sumbitch]

 
This made me laugh. then i felt guilty about laughin. is it okay to laugh at this?

 
Posted by ZEMMIWINKLE in time [sumbitch] on Tuesday, November 10, 2009 - 11:42 PM
[Reply to this] 
Rebel S. Columbo [sumbitch]
Rebel Columbo

 
Totally okay to laugh. A drunk guy with his cock and balls hanging out is always a cause for laughter. Well, in most cases at least.

 
Posted by Rebel S. Columbo [sumbitch] on Wednesday, November 11, 2009 - 04:39 PM
[Reply to this] 
►Corpus◄ Christie [sumbitch]
Christie Love

 
I don't know if this was sposta be funny, but i laughed anyway.

 
Posted by ►Corpus◄ Christie [sumbitch] on Wednesday, November 11, 2009 - 12:25 AM
[Reply to this] 
Rebel S. Columbo [sumbitch]
Rebel Columbo

 
It was sposta be funny. I feel good that it worked.

 
Posted by Rebel S. Columbo [sumbitch] on Wednesday, November 11, 2009 - 04:40 PM
[Reply to this] 
►Corpus◄ Christie [sumbitch]
Christie Love

 
That's good :D  I wrote something yesterday, and Hip's the only one who really got it.  Everyone else was concerned.

*sigh*

 
Posted by ►Corpus◄ Christie [sumbitch] on Thursday, November 12, 2009 - 01:06 AM
[Reply to this] 
Rebel S. Columbo [sumbitch]
Rebel Columbo

 
I hate when that happens. Sometimes, I write funny stories about my childhood, and all I get is sympathy. I want laughs gawd-damnit, not sympathy.

 
Posted by Rebel S. Columbo [sumbitch] on Thursday, November 12, 2009 - 03:09 PM
[Reply to this] 
El Solo Lobo [sumbitch]
Temy Beal

 
Ferget seat belts. Britches belts got to be on. Have a switch on it that burns yer junk like fire till ye buckle the belt.
 
Posted by El Solo Lobo [sumbitch] on Wednesday, November 11, 2009 - 12:26 AM
[Reply to this] 
Rebel S. Columbo [sumbitch]
Rebel Columbo

 
I agree with that much more than seatbelt requirements. Buckle up your junk, folks, don't be like fake Pookie.

 
Posted by Rebel S. Columbo [sumbitch] on Wednesday, November 11, 2009 - 04:41 PM
[Reply to this] 
Marty (Louisville)

 
"Pookie! Pookie! Is you okay? Wait a minute...that ain't Pookie."
 
Posted by Marty (Louisville) on Wednesday, November 11, 2009 - 03:57 AM
[Reply to this] 
Rebel S. Columbo [sumbitch]
Rebel Columbo

 
I know, it's brilliant. I can't make up shit that brilliant.

 
Posted by Rebel S. Columbo [sumbitch] on Wednesday, November 11, 2009 - 04:41 PM
[Reply to this] 
Laura

 
I am glad you're not dead.

 
Posted by Laura on Wednesday, November 11, 2009 - 04:56 AM
[Reply to this] 
Rebel S. Columbo [sumbitch]
Rebel Columbo

 
Me too. Death is so final and shit. And my life's work is far from over. My life's work being eating every variety of potato based foods known to man.

 
Posted by Rebel S. Columbo [sumbitch] on Wednesday, November 11, 2009 - 04:42 PM
[Reply to this] 
Penrose
Jakob Lewis

 
It would have been funnier if the black girl would have looked at his junk and said, "That's not Pooky", instead of looking at his face.

But of course there's only so much you can do with the truth.
 
Posted by Penrose on Wednesday, November 11, 2009 - 03:20 PM
[Reply to this] 
Rebel S. Columbo [sumbitch]
Rebel Columbo

 
Damnit! I should have fudged that part. Fuck, another lost opportunity.

 
Posted by Rebel S. Columbo [sumbitch] on Wednesday, November 11, 2009 - 04:43 PM
[Reply to this] 
hipbilly [sumbitch]
Billy comma Hip

 
HA! I read it that way, anyway.

 
Posted by hipbilly [sumbitch] on Wednesday, November 11, 2009 - 11:23 PM
[Reply to this] 
Rebel S. Columbo [sumbitch]
Rebel Columbo

 
Good. I may change it.

 
Posted by Rebel S. Columbo [sumbitch] on Wednesday, November 11, 2009 - 11:38 PM
[Reply to this] 
Paul Randall Buchanan
Paul Buchanan

 
The first rule to wearing a pair of pants is... you have to be smarter than the pants.. pants do not know which side of your butt they belong on... you have to show them..
The 'below the butt sag' style was an old prison thing to show everyone your butt was available for... action..
Fake Pookie may have been rockin' out with his... uh.. you know... while driving.. DWI with a ROWCOWD to boot... prevalent with some.. uh... cultures..
 
Posted by Paul Randall Buchanan on Thursday, November 12, 2009 - 10:47 AM
[Reply to this] 
Rebel S. Columbo [sumbitch]
Rebel Columbo

 
I've done some pants wrangling in my time, so they usually stay where they belong. Wow...I wonder if today's kids know the origin of sagging...I bet it'd lose popularity real quick like.

I suspected the same thing about his rocking out, but I prefer to think that the impact just knocked him out his britches.

 
Posted by Rebel S. Columbo [sumbitch] on Thursday, November 12, 2009 - 03:11 PM
[Reply to this] 
Seb

 
Honestly, if you are going to have a junk-exposing accident, you might consider hitting some less obviously phallic that a light pole. The comparison cannot be favorable

 
Posted by Seb on Thursday, November 12, 2009 - 09:41 PM
[Reply to this] 
Rebel S. Columbo [sumbitch]
Rebel Columbo

 
HAHAHA! It's funny because it's true. It was dinky in comparison.

 
Posted by Rebel S. Columbo [sumbitch] on Thursday, November 12, 2009 - 09:55 PM
[Reply to this] 
Me So Stormy
SuFfering SuCcotash

 
honestly, the lengths sicKos
and pReVertZ will go
to eXpoSe thEir
franKz n BeaNz...
pffffft.

i am delighted you survived
to write another blog...
xoxox
:0)

 
Posted by Me So Stormy on Saturday, November 14, 2009 - 09:42 PM
[Reply to this] 
Rebel S. Columbo [sumbitch]
Rebel Columbo

 
Thank you, I feel good about it too. Not to mention that I've been known to appreciate disaster nudity.

 
Posted by Rebel S. Columbo [sumbitch] on Monday, November 16, 2009 - 08:21 PM
[Reply to this] 
Newamba

 
maybe he was engaging in some sort of sex act while driving.
 
Posted by Newamba on Monday, November 16, 2009 - 09:13 PM
[Reply to this] 
Rebel S. Columbo [sumbitch]
Rebel Columbo

 
I certainly hope so. It makes the story more exciting.

 
Posted by Rebel S. Columbo [sumbitch] on Tuesday, November 17, 2009 - 02:35 AM
[Reply to this] 
mmharris.com
Megan Harris

 
bet he was beating off on his way home from the meth lab.... rock on east texas! rock on chicago! rock and roll mcdonalds!

 
Posted by mmharris.com on Tuesday, December 22, 2009 - 09:12 AM
[Reply to this] 
Rebel S. Columbo [sumbitch]
Rebel Columbo

 
It's possible. I wouldn't put anything past fake Pookie. I tried to play Wesley Willis for Dot, and she was not amused.

 
Posted by Rebel S. Columbo [sumbitch] on Tuesday, December 22, 2009 - 03:17 PM
[Reply to this]