How could I underestimate some of the great things that can come to us through the seemingly untimely death of our primary relationship?

Independence

I may be poorer, financially, than at any point in my life drama, but this is MY poverty. I decide if a certain food item (think cashew butter or an after drop-off  latte) is splurge-worthy. The physical prosperity will intensify as I work my own way back up the financial ladder through loads of hard work and even more recycling, penny-pinching and creativity.

SEX

Since this is a somewhat public blog and my Dad is known to drop by from time to time, even though he hasn't pranced his happy ass out to WA in two years, I'll keep this aspect of the triad brief.

Let's just say that my sex life has been seriously neglected in the past decade. What an incredible place to find myself, with a kind, compassionate, patient, attentive and tender lover who often seems genuinely more interested in my pleasure than his own. And, yes, this development is mostly responsible for my last few blogless weeks. But if anyone should think to be concerned that this relationship has, in any way, consumed me….No, no, no…. it's weekends only. What we share is very satisfying despite a total lack of need for commitment by either party. It just is what it is – just what I need it to be.

Time

Since my previous partner was rarely available, physically or emotionally, the single-Mamma thang hasn't been as overwhelming as one might expect. Recently, I have even had weekends to myself as the kids go stay with their Dad and his new family. In fact, they see him more now than when we were a family. Now when they are asleep, playing with friends or at school, I am free to work, read, think, sing, dance, pray, watch, love, eat, laugh, cry, scream, chant and anything else I want to do whenever and however I want. No judge. No jury. No-one to continuously displease and disappoint. My goodness, I am actually starting to like myself. And I shall fall in love again, first with myself and then with some lucky person who happens to pass by at the most synchronicitous time. Btw, synchronicitous really should be a word.

It may be interesting to note that I would have NEVER walked away from my marriage. I wanted counseling and book-reading and trying harder and anything else that might have helped our family stay together. I wanted to rediscover trust and passion, to learn how to listen to him and find ways to help him hear me. My abandonment baggage led me to believe his leaving would be the worst thing that could ever happen to me. My greatest fear turned out to be a friend. Finally I am healing and growing and becoming the other me I knew I was. I am not a victim. I am lucky and loving and loved.