It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood and I am Chris Robinson, author of "The Verbal Submission". The smile on my face is ear to ear after an impressive fight card put on by the UFC this past Saturday. I'm still shocked though when I read commentary from supposed MMA fans that the show was lackluster because all the fights ended in the first round. Are there really people out there that prefer a card full of fights that all go to decision? You MMA fans are a tricky bunch to analyze, so that's probably why I've stopped trying. Anyway, today's column will give my thoughts on UFC 91, discuss the peculiar comings and goings within Affliction, and a TUF golden shower (ew) . Also, I make my plea to ESPN to stop the shenanigans, and put MMA LIVE on actual television. You know you want to! Why else would you send the MMA LIVE crew to Las Vegas to cover UFC 91 live? HUH? Yeah. Here we go.

The prizes inside the cereal boxes in Japan are definitely better than ours.


UFC 91: EVERYONE WANTED TO END THEIR FIGHT QUICKLY SO THEY COULD WATCH LESNAR VS. COUTURE
UFC 91 will be remembered not only for the significance of the main event, but for being one of the most action packed fight cards of the year. Submissions and TKO's ruled the night, and the one fight that went to decision was a three round war that won Fight of the Night honors. Anyone who doubted the caliber of the match-ups on this card is eating crow now, and I'll admit I was one of them. In my UFC 91 review, I'm not going to go in depth, round by round, because that's for other writers who want to recap every punch, guard pass, and blocked shot. Let's talk about what the future holds for the nights winners and losers as 2009 descends on the UFC.

THE AWARDS

Submission of the Night went to Dustin Hazelett who used a sweet looking omoplata into an armbar submission. Hazelett is trying to move up the welterweight ranks with his slick submissions, but I'm not sure how far he'll get. The welterweight division is filled with more well rounded fighters and precision strikers. He's currently 5-2 in the UFC, so he'll really have to pick up some big wins over tougher opponents.

KO of the Night went to Jeremy Stephens for the sickest slow motion uppercut I've ever seen. It looked sweet in real time also. Stephens moved to 3-2 in the UFC, but in the 155 division he's still got a ways to go. This highlight reel knockout should up his stock a little and maybe get him on main card at a Fight Night. I was also impressed by his opponent, Rafael dos Anjos (which I've been told does not mean Two Anjos. Weird.)

Fight of the Night went to Aaron Riley and Jorge Gurgel, which as Joe Rogan stated 345 times during the fight, was a brawl. I loved the irony of Gurgel wearing his black belt around his neck after the fight. Rogan couldn't have been more right during the fight in his annoyance that Gurgel never uses his ground skills in a fight. You can slug it out with anybody. We get it. You know what else is fun? Winning fights.

The real prize for KO of the Night.


THE UNDERCARD

Demian Maia is a beast on the ground. There's no question there. His jiu-jitsu game is as dangerous as anybody in the UFC, and I dare say he might be the most dangerous. I will give his stand-up game the stink eye however because I doubt highly that he is the total package as a fighter. The whispers are already beginning that Maia is just one or two wins away from a date with Anderson Silva. The straight rumors are that Maia is yet another candidate for head coach on the next season of the Ultimate Fighter. Dana White has publicly stated the Team USA vs. Team UK format is not to his liking, and both Rich Franklin and Dan Henderson have made it known they're not too psyched about the potential gig.

So that leaves us with a potential Team Maia vs. Team Bisping match-up. If that occurs, we have potential assistant coaches such as Rampage Jackson and Wanderlei Silva. I'm sold! The middleweight division lacks marquee match-ups thanks to Anderson Silva walking thru the top contenders, Franklin and Henderson moving to 205, and the general lack of top middleweight talent. The proper build-up to a number one contender fight between Maia and Bisping is money. Bisping has never been tested against a fighter with a ground game like Maia. I doubt highly that Maia will shift from his "pull guard/submit the guy" strategy, so Bisping is in for a fun night. Bottom line, Demian Maia made it known that he is a force to be reckoned with at 185, and he's not someone to be taken lightly.

While surfing around for some post fight punditry on Sunday, I ran across several articles and message board postings saying that Gabe Gonzaga is back! Really? His victory over Josh Hendricks was impressive, but I doubt Gonzaga will ever be more than a filler opponent for whoever is holding the strap at heavyweight. He's going to slip quite nicely into the spot of gatekeeper that Assuerio Silva held most recently. I can see Gonzaga getting a match-up with the loser from the upcoming Mir/Nogueira fight, but a possible future fight against Lesnar does nothing for me. We're talking about a guy who's dropped fights to Couture, and Fabricio "Thanks for coming" Werdum. The UFC will probably be more concerned with pushing up and comers Shane Carwin and Cain Velasquez, then trying to utilize Gonzaga as a top draw again. At least he'll always have that Cro Cop highlight on his reel.

Totally ready for Gonzaga.


KENFLO VS. DADDY

The loser of this fight has to get a new nickname right? After watching this fight it's clear that the Joe Stevenson era is over. I know. I know. It's sad, but true. Kenny Florian is riding a six fight win streak into his second career title shot now. The big upside for Kenny is that by the time he sets foot in the cage with BJ Penn, BJ could be wearing two belts. If that's not an incentive to train your ass off, I don't know what is. As far as top 155'ers go, there's no one else for Kenny to plow through in the UFC except for a possible rematch with Sean Sherk. When I say "top 155'ers", I'm basing that off my own opinions as well as rankings from top MMA news sites. I've never been a big Joe Stevenson fan just because he seems to run his mouth and never be able to back it up. This is a guy who got obliterated by BJ Penn, but then says Florian isn't as tough as Jens Pulver. That's some ballsy trash talk. After his quick as hell choke out at UFC 91, it's time for "Daddy" to keep the trap shut until he starts picking up some wins.

Just because.


COUTURE VS. LESNAR

Let's talk about Couture vs. Lesnar. Hearing Lesnar get booed at the weigh-ins, during his entrance, and after he won the fight is just mind bottling. Are UFC/MMA fans still that upset that a former pro wrestler is rising up the heavyweight ranks, or do they just really have a stiff one for Randy Couture? The problem with the majority of MMA fans, or at least the ones that know how to use a keyboard and mouse, is that they take the sport too seriously. Every time I talk to one of my friends or co-workers that casually follows the UFC, they all say the same thing, "Does Brock deserve a title shot in his fourth pro fight?". Then I politely remind them that Randy Couture got his first title shot in his fourth pro fight. There's this common thought process that a guy has to win a dozen fights all over the world then come to the UFC and win five or six more. The truth of the matter is that the UFC borrows elements from boxing and pro wrestling when it's promoting certain fights. If Brock Lesnar's name value draws dollars, then Brock Lesnar will get big fights. Why do you think Kimbo Slice headlined two of the first three MMA cards on primetime network television? The difference between Kimbo and Brock is that Brock has an awesome wrestling base, a freakish set of chromosomes, and the ability to absorb MMA knowledge like a sponge made by NASA. Brock has talent. Kimbo doesn't. It's simple.

Did you swallow Tim Sylvia?


So I hope that in the future, MMA fans begin to embrace Brock for his sheer dominance, and his badass attitude. He may come across as a "heel" (that's bad guy for the pro wrestling haters), but he's just a guy who was given a chance based off past success. The UFC is going after the wallet of the same WWE fans that fork over $40 a month to watch the John Cena's and Triple H's of the world. At the end of the day, it's two guys in a ring or a cage, fighting. Whether that fighting has a predetermined outcome, or an unpredictable outcome, it's what guys like to watch.

Can't we all just get along?

Up next for Mr. Lesnar will be the winner of Mir vs. Nogueira, and I for one am hoping that Nogueira pulls this one out. I know everyone wants to see Mir vs. Lesnar II, but I'm not too psyched about it. For one thing, seeing Frank Mir's smugness last night after the Couture/Lesnar battle was ridiculous.

"Well, I'm the only guy who's beaten the new champ." - Mir

Just shut up. Mir is just upset because now if he beats Nogueira he's well aware of the smashing that Lesnar laid on him in their first fight. He also knows that he'll never catch Lesnar in a submission that easily again so he'll have to stand and trade with Brock. Mir is also upset because if he beats Nogueira and Couture consecutively, he gets to walk around claiming he's one of the top heavyweights in UFC history. So everything is not currently coming up "Millhouse" for Frank Mir. A Nogueira/Lesnar is much more intriguing because of Nogueira's ability on the ground and his recovery rate is inhuman. As we saw on Saturday, recovering from a solid fist to the face from Brock Lesnar isn't a rapid process. Brock will look to do what apparently he always does. Play it safe in the first round. Come out aggressive in the second. Use brute strength to nullify his opponent's game plan while sticking to his own game plan. Who's going to beat this guy again?

RYAN COUTURE: THE "R" IN RYAN IS PRONOUNCED LIKE AN "H"
Well at least one Couture is winning MMA fights. Ryan Couture made his MMA debut recently inside a ring (lame) at "Fight Night Round 1" in Washington state. Couture submitted Rick Perez in a 160 pound match-up. I've got the video of the finish for you below and it is magical. It's crazy to me we're already at a point where there are second generation mixed martial artists. Beware the Ortiz twins! Beware the many unclaimed children of Kimbo Slice! Beware the mini-Bispings! Beware.



AFFLICTION: WE'RE STILL A MMA PROMOTION...sort of
So let me get this straight. Affliction had a career criminal running the clothing end of things and this guy threatens Kim Couture when she asks to see some financial figures regarding the Xtreme Couture clothing line? And now you're telling me that the clothing line and the MMA promotion are separate portions of the same company? Now that's some heavy duty damage control if I've ever seen it. I want to root for Affliction. I really do, but this kind of press is terrible with a capital T. To top it off, Golden Boy Promotions has apparently seen the light and decided not to put boxing matches on Affliction cards. They must read the interweb!

Look. Donald Trump hasn't pulled his name from the poster yet, so things aren't all bad. They're actually starting to put together an undercard for the upcoming "Day of Reckoning" event that will be headlined by Fedor(or Edor) vs. Andre Arlovski. Matt Lindland vs. Babalu, Vladamir Matyushenko vs. Antonio Rogerio Nogueira, and Chris Horodecki vs. Dan Lauzon are all quality fights that the hardcore MMA fan will be interested in seeing. The problem lies, as always, in the casual MMA fan who could really care less that Fedor is the 1 heavyweight fighter in the world. That casual fan, the one with the $50 burning a hole in his/her pocket, just saw Brock Lesnar become the 1 heavyweight fighter in the MAINSTREAM world. In about a month, their confusion will be furthered when Mir and Nogueira fight for the interim belt.

So what's a quick fix for the lack of promotional tools in Affliction's tool box? Online video like I always harp on? Sort of, but this time I'm thinking more along the lines of begging MMA LIVE to give the event full coverage. Granted, the fine folks at ESPN may already have this in the works, but if they don't it's time to get on the ball. MMA Live can't treat this as just another MMA card. They'll have to make Day of Reckoning appear to be as big as the Lesnar vs. Couture fight while trying to sow the seeds that Fedor is the top heavyweight. This will help get the casual fan interested in this Fedor guy they keep hearing about, plus it will introduce them to this roster of fighters that the hardcore MMA fans already know, love, or tolerate.

So Affliction, huddle up real close to the monitor when you read this. Don't end up like EliteXC. Cut ties with anymore Todd Beards that may be lurking within your company. Don't put on boxing matches even if KJ Noons asks real nice. That is all.

Only 60+ days to go!


AN OPEN LETTER TO ESPN


Dear dirty Red Sox loving ESPN corporate honchos,

Over the past few months, MMA LIVE on ESPN.com has developed into a great source for MMA knowledge despite the grade school education of Franklin McNeill. On the other hand, Jon Anik and Kenny Florian are great hosts and if Jeff Sherwood didn't have man boobs I'm sure he would make a better addition to the three man team. Even fill-ins like Stephan Bonnar are better than McNeill. Hell, I'd rather have Tim McCarver in there and that's saying something.

I understand that you have a packed broadcast schedule with ratings juggernauts like PBA bowling, pro drag racing, and women's tennis. I would hope that you could find 30 minutes each week on ESPN, ESPN 2, ESPN News, ESPN Classic, or ESPN 2MUCH, for the fine folks at MMA LIVE to deliver the goods. The coverage isn't just limited to the UFC universe although I'm sure you'll receive a dead fish wrapped in Roger Huerta's shorts if you give excessive coverage to Strikeforce or Affliction in the future. The MMA how-to videos without a formal warning to viewers is also a great way to get fans and their lawyers interested in the show. Have I mentioned Jon Anik does a great job?

I don't want to see another channel get the jump on you and deliver similar top notch MMA coverage. I'm very scared FOX Sports will give a similar show to that midget Jay Glazer and Frank Trigg. Frank Trigg is Kurt Angle's doppleganger. I have the proof. Also, as much as I love INSIDE MMA with Bas Rutten and Kenny Rice, I don't get HDNET and therefore I'm forced to watch on the internet. It's hard to fit so many MMA web shows in between the hours of circus pornography I watch on a daily basis.

What I'm really trying to say is that MMA LIVE is good for the sport and good for the fans. If more people are exposed to MMA on a legit sports network like ESPN, the arguments about the sport's legitimacy will fade, and it could lead to more states legalizing and regulating the sport. For instance, New York might get so excited about MMA LIVE that they'll have Franklin McNeill Day. I don't know if he's from New York, but you can never have enough holidays honoring people with special needs.

So please ESPN, put MMA LIVE on television, or for the love of Baroni give people the option to watch it in full screen. What is this 2005? Thank you for your time, and long live professional lacrosse.

-CPR

The Tim McCarver of MMA.


THE ULTIMATE FIGHTER: URINE FREE FOR 7 DAYS...barely
All jokes aside, they need to put a TV in the TUF house next season. After reading a report on MMAjunkie.com, apparently urine became the drink of choice at the TUF house more times than sanity should allow. It's also surprising that Junie Browning had nothing to do with it. I can just see him screaming around the house, "I'm the greatest piss drinker of all time! No one can drink more piss than me! Ya'll a bunch of boring ass pissers! ". The urine sippers turned out to be Dave Kaplan and Tom Lawlor who now officially have several screws loose. It seems the atmosphere took a "prison style" turn and luckily SpikeTV spared us the more severe antics. I'm honestly nervous that next season it's going to spill into Oz territory and we'll have some shower rapes or something.

I still believe that the teams should be in separate houses, be allowed to watch DVDs of PRIDE, WEC, and UFC events, and be banned from drinking bodily fluids. Am I alone on this? Think of all the great drinking games you can play while listening to Joe Rogan's delightful commentary. Every time Mike Goldberg says "It's alllllll over", you take a shot. Every time a Greg Jackson fighter tweeks his nipples, you down a beer. The fun is endless and the best part is no one tries to drink milk out of a man's breast. It could happen!

I've actually enjoyed this season of TUF despite the shenanigans. There are some quality fighters like Phillipe Nover and Krzysztof Soszynski. Nogueira and Stanky are always enjoyable. Frank Mir is a douche. What more could you ask for?

You swear that's not pee?


PRO ELITE: THE MMA FLEA MARKET IS OFF
When I first heard about this asset auction, I thought of Cleveland from Family Guy, in his auctioneer days, trying to get a high bidder for Kimbo Slice's contract. That's how my mind works.

How the EliteXC fighters must feel.


Luckily, cooler heads at Showtime have prevailed and this farce won't happen. I honestly hope that Showtime is thinking of continuing on with MMA promotion, just not with the brainiacs at ProElite. They should rework the contracts of their fighters so that they're all non-exclusive deals, like Scott Smith's contract. Then if and when Showtime gets back in the MMA game they still have a decent stable of fighters. Speaking of Scott Smith, he'll be facing Terry Martin at Strikeforce's next show because his contract was non-exclusive. That guy has a smart agent.

Of course, in a perfect world the fighters of EliteXC would be released from their contracts so they could fight elsewhere, but I've beaten that point to death. I really just used this news story to show a Family Guy clip.

END OF THE THIRD ROUND
That ends another well paced edition of "The Verbal Submission". Thanks to Sherdog.com, MMAJunkie.com, CagePotato.com and MMAfightgirls.com. No time for the "News that broke after I wrote the bulk of this column". I did see that Liddell and Silva is now a much stronger rumor than it was before. Hooray! The fine writers at 411Mania continue to bring the goods though so make sure to check out Jeremy Lambert, Adam Tool, Bren Oliver, TBerg, Dustin James, and all the other writers whose names escape me.

The Empire Hardcore Podcast is back, finally, and you can listen at Podomatic.com and on iTunes. Be sure to check out my latest comedic endeavors on YouTube. Also, my personal FBI profile is here. I'll return next Tuesday with musings on President-Elect Obama's plan to replace sand on beaches with kitty litter so that in turn, we can develop sand powered cars. The man has a vision.

Kick. Punch. It's all in the mind.

-CPR