In all my pubescent years up till now in my young adulthood, I've never quite understood the concept of dating and relationships. Even now, as I have some (or maybe a lot more than just some) experience in the field, I cant make any head or tail of it with a certain degree of certainty.

I remember my first "social" reaction to this was that of disapproval. To me, only fast girls indulged in such games and boys of my age were so awfully juvenile to imagine a deeper or a serious connection with them. And when I became more accepting of it (ofcourse with peer "sanction"), the superficiality of it repelled me. The elements of a relationship simply were flowers, chocolates, social isolation, first kisses and unwavering attention.

No this isn't the part yet when I begin illustrating my personal experience. Till this time, I had only personal accounts of friends and cousins to rely on. And in all honesty, I thought it was a huge headache (and damn it, was I right at 16?). Sure I didn't blind myself from the flossy part of it. Ass kissing (the meaning of which was limited to doting in my imagination back then), someone to beep you all day, someone to take you around (now this I really envied, I have to admit) and someone to buy you lunch (a vicious advantage!).

             But as I grew up, those personal accounts and witnesses matured and I then finally figured out the supreme factor operating in all relationships; THE EGO. Ego pampering and ego battles was all that it centered around. By now I was definitely getting somewhere.  Candies, kisses and pictures were all just physical manifestations of all the determining egoistic indulges of the human mind , torn between its personal wishes and the societal grants.  By this time, I was old enough and expected to have 2-3 ex's myself and I didn't. Naturally, I was questioned. Looking for the perfect guy aka Mr. Right? Guy maybe? Heck, I started questioning myself. Was I too pricey? Was I that unattractive? Or was I…no I couldn't be. The conclusive title I labeled myself was as the kinda girl that guys don't like as a girlfriend. As self deprecating as it sounds, it made me feel good in a strange sort of way. In time and with a little more exposure and knowledge, I did realize that I wasn't, after all, interested in women. In fact, I much hated them in general relative to my disdain for the weeners. And not in a sudden flash of enlightenment but a steady gradual gradation of myths and realities, I knew…I had to fall in love. And that did bring equilibrium to my disturbed thought settlements. However, I don't recall being in love when I entered into my first (and only till date) relationship. I just felt good about the somebody and trusted my gut feeling. Infact, on a very mental level, I never did think of love in all its grandeur having any connection to this relationship. And I don't believe till date, love happened as an inevitable consequence of our relationship. Love really isn't that predictable. I mean, if you cognitively assess love, it would be associated with all those feel good moments and moments of satisfactory resolutions. But that wasn't it.  There was turmoil, there were hearts broken, principles redefined. I think the period when I saw it for what it was when I couldn't wait to see him and felt the greatest being with him. Now the two did not or do not happen every time, so when it started to become a pattern, it was more for real.

                            However, I cant agree more when anyone says that love is sick. Why? because it is about giving a greater part of yourself and not receiving the same share. Everyone wants to be loved but not everyone can love another.

Digressing back to relationships, it is indeed everything I've always thought it to be. Scandolous, plastic toys, drunk dials, pampering (what ever sort), coaxing and socially reveling in it. But all the same or perhaps not all, it is a lot about giving. And this may not be parallel to receiving as well. You may not receive as much yet it is important to know the significant other has given as much as in his/her capacity. Because relationships (at least the realistic and utopian kinds) are a lot more above business deals and a little above the paradigm of social exchange.