Modern Heathenry has seen its share of disagreements. Often they rip Heathen communities apart. There is never any real winner in such disagreements. They damage the community in ways we readily do not see. From the Troth Wars of the ’90s to the in fighting amongst the theods, disagreements have often done lasting damage. It need not be this way.
If one is a party to such a disagreement, there are things one can do to try to reconcile it. First off, is do not bad mouth the person or group you have a disagreement with. Gods know that I have done this often enough myself, and it has never gotten me anywhere. One can have a disagreement with someone and still be civil. Do not judge someone until one has shared a horn of mead with them. Too often our disagreements come about online without ever seeing each others’ faces. I have yet to see two people who have issues with each other walk away from having a horn together feeling as they did before, Things are totally different in person. There are methods of communication in person that simply cannot be done by email or IM. Body language, facial expressions, mood, even tone of voice communicate as much if not more than words alone. Finally, there is something about sharing a horn of mead that is almost sacred. It is as if the Gods are brought in on your disagreement to arbitrate. Do not be difficult. I have seen disagreements continue over little things simply because one party chooses to be difficult. Being difficult can be anything from refusing to communicate when an olive branch is offered to excluding someone from opportunities that could lead to working things out. Finally, do not take offense to every little slight. This is probably the number one reason there are disagreements in Heathenry. Something is said about someone and they take offense often in an exaggerated way. Many times a slight was not even intended, or it is taken in a way that was not intended. The truth is that according to the old codes of chivalry, one should not take slight unless it was made in the presence of a woman. Wermen (males) and women being equal in Heathenry, this means one should not take offense period. It is by far more “being a man about it” to ignore a slight, to rise above it, than to take offense. Offer scyld even if one feels they are in the right and have done nothing wrong. I have done this in order to end disagreements. Sometimes, it is more important for a disagreement to be resolved than for the right side to win. If offered scyld, do not make unfair demands the other party is unlikely to comply with. This goes back to being difficult. If one is offered scyld negotiate the payment instead of demanding something. This way both parties are satisfied. In some cases, the ancient law codes will set a manbót for an offense. In such cases, they should be followed. Most often a simple apology is all that should really be required.
One need not be a party to a disagreement to cause problems in it. First off, if you are not a party to a disagreement, stay as neutral as possible. It does not matter if it is your best friend, and you think you know what the disagreement is about, do not get involved. Even if you are in alliance with a group that has a disagreement with someone or it is your oath brother try not to take sides. If you do wish to get involved, get both sides of the story. Rarely is one party totally right and the other totally wrong. Usually, both parties have done offenses to the other to the point it is difficult to see who started what. And again the same rule applies to a party not involved in a disagreement as for those that are. Do not judge someone until one has shared a horn of mead with them. And if you do get involved do so to negotiate a resolution. There is nothing honorable about standing by someone in a disagreement that is ripping a Heathen community apart. To preserve the grith we should always work to resolve disagreements.
Modern Heathenry have seen enough disagreements, enough flame wars to last many lifetimes. It needed be that way. Disagreements can be resolved if both parties are willing to do so.