1.) If two men are together, they cannot be wearing the same outfits. The exception to this is a sports jacket.

2.) If you know the guy more than 24 hours, you may not date his sister. His mom, however, is up for grabs.

3.) Never sit directly next to another man. Make sure an empty seat is between you. If there is no room, stand.

4.) Never date your friend's ex-girlfriend.

5.) When your friend is talking with a girl, don't come up behind him and talk to him. Let your friend work, leave your dumb comments to yourself.

6.) If you play wingman (talking to the ugly friend while your friend talks to the hot girl), your friend owes you any favor you wish.

7.) Don't borrow clothes. If you absolutely have to, return it in decent condition.

8.) Don't steal anything from your friend. Borrowing without any intention of returning is acceptable to a point. However, if your friend notices the missing object and asks for it back, you must return it.

9.)  Never ask for something back that you have loaned to your friend. This counts for everything from a coat to money. After all, if you have to ask for it, you never should have loaned it in the first place.

10.) If you have a history of not returning objects, especially money, you lose your right to complain if your friend won't loan you anything.

11.) If you are at your friend's house, never use the last of anything: milk, toilet paper, hot water, etc. Leaving one square of T.P. or one gulp of milk is acceptable.

12.) If your friend's girl is over at his house, don't even kid about stuff she wouldn't like. I.e. girls he's dated, what he did last night, etc.

13.) If anyone asks where your friend is, you don't know. As a matter of fact, you never even heard of him.

14.) Two men may NEVER share an umbrella

15.) Men do NOT carry Chap Stick; we bum it off girls.

16.) It is ok for a man to cry for the following reasons:

A.) Family or close friend's death

B.) Getting his credit card denied at a big dinner

C.) Wrecking his boss's Ferrari

D.) Losing cable/satellite TV

17.) If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem—you didn't see anything.

18.) If you are trying to get the girl, never act bigger than your friends by making them seem worse.

19.) Never let your date pay more than half for dinner.

20.) You should not be expected to pay for every dinner with your girlfriend. As the man you should pay for the first date, but this is the age of enlightenment. Men and women are equal now.

21.) Never push the above issue with your girlfriend. Better yet, don't mention it; find subtle ways to show you do not intend to pay for her.

22.) Women love sales. The question of "need" is irrelevant, so don't bother pointing it out.

23.) Women never have anything to wear. Don't question the racks of clothes in the closet; you "just don't understand".

24.) Be wary of confiding in women; they often can't keep secrets. They eat away at them from the inside. And they don't view it as being untrustworthy, providing they only tell two or three people.

25.) Men go to the bathroom by themselves, period.

26.) If a man goes on a seven-day trip, he'll pack five days worth of clothes and will wear some things twice; if a woman goes on a seven-day trip she'll pack 21 outfits because she doesn't know what she'll feel like wearing each day.

27.) Women are never wrong. Apologizing is the man's responsibility. "It's there in the Bible." After all, who was it that gave Adam the fruit?

28.) The average number of items in a typical woman's bathroom is 437. It is forbidden, and impossible, for a man to name more than 5% of these items.

29.) If it is not Valentine's Day, and you see a man in the flower shop, you can probably start up a conversation by asking, "What did you do?"

30.) Only women understand the reason for "guest towels" and the "good china".

31.) You are never to help another man unless he asks for it. If you do, you just emasculated him. You may watch him work. You may even watch him work in vain. You may even point and snicker at him as he labors. However, you may not help him unless/until he asks.

32.) When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may always ask the score, but you may never ask who is playing.

33.) Complaining about the brand of free beverage in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. Gripe at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

34.) As a man, you are never to watch female sports. The exception is if it involves tight spandex uniforms. If you are flipping through the channels and happen to find one of these sports, you are at NO TIME allowed to know the score, team's names, or player's names.

35.) Never shower at your friend's house unless you have your own soap.

36.) Never sit around while your girl is cleaning without asking if you can help.

37.) When walking with your girl down the street, you walk on the outside.

38.) Never walk in front of your girl.

39.) You must train yourself to say "No" automatically when your girl asks you, "Do I look fat in this?"

40.) If men are present in your house and you are taking a shower, take a change of clothes with you. Never walk around in just a towel when other men are present. Nakedness is not even a thinkable option.

41.) Prioritize, never break obligations to your friends for a girl (unless she's really, really hot), and never break obligations to your wife for your friends.

42.) If a brawl breaks out, always have your friends back. Even—especially—if he's the dumb jerk who started it.

43.) When you are with your friend and a girl he has just met, always make an excuse to leave the room to give them some alone time.

44.) Unless he's breaking one of these rules (or something like robbing a bank or murder), always support your friend. No matter how dumb his idea seems, respect it.

45.) You are never obligated to baby-sit your friend kids. However, if your friend needs a place to stay, you are required to let him crash on your couch rent-free for a reasonable amount of time.

46.) During feedings, men are not obligated to talk. When eating with your girlfriend, you must find a way to nod you head in agreement in consistent intervals of time. Listening is optional, but you must honor whatever it is you just agreed to.

47.) Never let a woman know you sometimes don't listen to her. If she finds out she will be able to use it against you by forcing you to go to some chick event and telling you that you agreed, you just weren't paying attention.

48.) Any food found before noon is breakfast.

49.) Men do not argue over being best man. Best man = dead man. The best man must participate in everything the groom does, except the bride.

50.) Venting your more sensitive feelings onto another man is prohibited. If such a thing happens (God forbid) both men must deny that such a conversation ever happened. If word leaks out that this conversation happened, then you must be executed and the friend who did the listening must redeem himself by performing the execution.

51.) It is perfectly okay to drive in the car for an hour with another man and not talk. This is not possible with a woman.

52.) If you catch your friend's girl cheating, you are obligated to tell him ONCE. If he doesn't believe you, he's on his own and you can sleep with a clear conscience.

53.) If you catch your friend cheating, you didn't see anything.

54.) If your friend is talking with a girl and his game is off, don't laugh then; the girl might be buying it and your laugh could throw it off.

55.) When your friend asks "So what do you think of my girlfriend?" you are obligated to say, "Yeah, she's really nice. And you seem to connect well."

56.) Never ask for money back after losing it gambling.

57.) The Urinal Clause:

A.) Never go to a urinal that is next to an occupied urinal. This will couple you with the stranger.

B.) If you absolutely have to use a urinal next to an occupied urinal, you may not talk with the other person unless you know him really, really well. Simply nod and give a small smile to acknowledge each other's existence and go about your business.

C.) Use the urinal farthest from the door if at all possible

D.) Using common bathroom defense is acceptable and encouraged. For example, straightening your tie in the mirror while waiting for another urinal to open up so you do not need to "couple" or simply using a stall.

58.) When coming upon a fellow man who's name you know but don't know as a person that well, look away until about 5 feet from each other, make eye-contact, and either nod your head or give a small smile. If you are not sure you know him or not; look at him, and yet through him at the same time. Also, give a smile that could be confused with a sharp intestinal pain.

59.) When giving a handshake, simply get in there and get out. Don't hold on to the hand; let it go; release it back into the wild. Also, don't give the cold fish handshake.

60.) Don't be the third wheel. If you are going to go out with your friend and his girlfriend; stop, think, and don't do it.