First off, there are the apologies I owe to everybody out there who likes to read my blog. I promised a blog about my recent trip to Tennessee to do comedy and I finally posted it, almst a week after the trip began. My apologies especially go to one of my loyal readers, Dawn Henderson, who I believe needed an EKG during the time she and everyone else was waiting for this damn blog to go online. However, I did need to recuperate.

So here goes. This past weekend, May 8 and 9, I did my first set of comedy shows where I traveled by air and rented a car in order to perform. Needless to say, this created a series of adventures for me without ever having to set foot onstage.

My adventure started when I checked in before my flight at BWI Airport, just south of Baltimore, MD.

Now, I have not flown since October of 2000, which is well before the events of 9/11 and before all of the security measures that resulted from said events. That being said, I want to come out and say that I respect that we have the security measures needed to protect everyone on an airplane. I felt like a pro checking my bags, and showing the security guard my boarding pass. However, things seemed to go awry during the time when I came to the X-ray machine, where I had to place all of my worldly possessions on me, shoes included onto the conveyer belt that led into said X-ray machine. At that point, I clearly did not know what I was doing. After I placed the only bag that I did not check onto the conveyer belt, I started to walk through the metal detector when the guard said, “Sir, you’re going to have to put your jacket through the X-ray machine.” One of the other passengers, sensing I clearly did not know what I was doing, showed me a little bucket where I could put my keys, wallet, cell phone, coins, etc. so they could easily go through the X-ray machine. I started to walk through the metal detector, sans jacket and all forms of identification, with exception my boarding pass with my shoes in hand to show the guard I was not Richard Reid. The guard simply said, “Sir, put your shoes through the X-ray machine.” I have now been fully briefed on airport security. Happy?

Having settled into the plane that was taking me to Nashville, I felt secure in my being able to handle a mere 2+ hour flight. My stomach, on the other hand, had different ideas. Along with everyone else on the Southwest Airlines flight, I learned that the digestive system of comedian Tom Myers cannot handle two hours of turbulence after having eaten breakfast. I must credit the flight attendants who were very attentive to my obvious signs of distress and went the extra mile by handing me not one, but two big green trash bags when it was clear I was not going to be able to find the little white barf bag in time for me to, um, spill my guts. An extra kudos goes to the flight attendants who handled the bags themselves at the conclusion of the flight. Needless to say, despite Vice President Biden’s gaffe, catching swine flu on this flight was not really a concern at all.

After four hours of recovering in a lounge at the Nashville International Airport, I picked up my rental car, a 2009 Nissan Sentra (oh baby, I love new rented cars) and made the 133 westward trek to the town of Jackson, which proudly boasts the Casey Jones Home and Railroad Museum as well as staking the claim that one of the co-founders of the Waffle House was a native of their little burg. I paid my respect by having my entire diet composed of Waffle House meals. I decided to change it up a little in terms of my entrée choices. After all, I am open-minded.

That Friday night, I went and did the show at the South Street Comedy Club and Lounge, attached to Baudo’s Restaurant, less than a mile away from the Guesthouse Inn, where I was staying. Apparently, every major event in someone’s life takes place at Baudo’s. While I was there, there was one bachelorette party on each of both nights of the shows, with a guy actually proposing marriage to a girl on the stage during the emcee’s set the second night I performed. Nevertheless, the crowd at the venue is ready to have a good time during the comedy shows, especially if some members of the audience believe that the night is about them and not the people on stage who have travelled some 900+ miles (one-way) to perform. During the course of the show on Saturday night, I had this little philosophical gem handed to me by one of the locals while I was onstage:

“WHUT WUD YOU DO IF I TUK THIS HERE TABLE AND THREW IT AT YER HED?”

My response involved pantomiming getting ready to fight the guy and then curling up into a ball, which apparently met the approval of the audience. I was able to finish the show sans table throwing action and the weekend turned into a marginal sense of satisfaction, especially after the pay checks were disbursed, to me and the headliner John Marks, who tells great jokes and stories with a Southern accent and plays a mean saxophone. John is on my Top Friends on MySpace, so check him out and tell him I sent you.

My flight back to Baltimore on Sunday was more relaxing. First, there was no turbulence on the flight, which helped my stomach. Second, I took twice the recommended dosage of Dramamine, which succeeded in putting me into a happy haze as I was on my way home.

There are a few little extras that happened to me in Tennessee, including a drive through the states of Mississippi and Alabama, but I think I will save those for the stage. Yes, you will now have to come and see me perform if you want to hear more about my trip. Tee hee hee.

Thanks for reading and until later, keep in touch!

~TOM