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I writer to you with heavy heart and sadness onn this day of serious longing. Turns out that the wax place screwed me over BIG TIME!!! I was gonna splurge and get the laser hair removal, but I figure I didn't need the Star Trek treatment. Go with the wax like they do in the old country. Big mistake. They wasn't properly liscenced with the city to do that!!!! I shoulda known. Dude gives me this flier outside the parlor and says he'll do it half-price. So I says sure, pocket the differencee, bill cartoon network for the full wax and make out like a bandit. Then we go down this alley to the back of a van and he hands me two beers which I promptly shotgun. I'm thinking this rules so far. And he got one of those hot nuts carts, only he got it full of wax supposedly and I sit on the pavement and he starts ladling this smoking bubbling yellow gook all over my feet and ankles and I start to screaming, then he takes off down the street with my pants, flip-flops, the works!!! He told me the outside air opens the pores!!!! And I believed him!!!! He took every layer of skin off of my foot!!! I can see bone now!!!! I had to crawl to my car and drive home screaming the whole time, pressing the gas and brake pedals with my hands, which of course ended in a three-car pileup that I am not to comment on, but no way was that my fault!!! So now I got 2 Wykked in the shop, two royal douchbags suing me for failure to yield right of way, a ticket from the bronze 5-0 and plus I'm gonna sue that wax guy if I can find his sketchy ass. I keep calling that massage parlor and they keep saying they don't know what I'm talking about and that he don't work there. They will roo the day I get my feet back to normal. Frylock says their gonna have to take skin from my ass and graft it to my feet or I may never walk right again!!! Plus he said some of the meat is gone and asprin don't kill infection!!! But he don't know nothing. Just cause he's a doctor, that don't make him smart. They didn't have asprin in Colonial times and look at them. They survived. Either way, I'm going to the movie on Friday if I gotta crawl the three miles on my hands and knees. Meatman says he's using birthday money to get a town car, but he's dreaming if he thinks hes sitting in my lap.
2:58 PM
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